Mass - wondering if i should go

mel.b

A collegue passed away a few months ago and a memorial mass is being organised. I am not Catholic and have never been to a mass service before. This person was not a direct collegue and worked in a different area to me, but our organisation is relatively small. I'm not really keen, but wondering if it would be seen as disrespectful if i don't go?

fatmammycat

I'd probably go, I go to funerals and weddings even though I'm an atheist. It's not about me, it's about the person who has either died or whose union I am celebrating.

sink

I have gone to many church funerals and memorial services as well as weddings, it is the only time you will likely find me inside a church. I don't go for the religious ceremony but simply to share in others joy/sadness and show my support. To me it's all about the people and nothing to do with the religion. If you take the same point of view as myself then the only question you must ask is regardless of setting would you still feel obligated to go? If so, go.

robindch

As long as you're not expected to take part in the praying, half-time biscuits etc, I can't see any problems. FWIW, I stand up when everybody else stands up and sit down when everybody else sits down, but stay seated when everybody else kneels. Your mileage may vary.

kiki

I'd go too. for social reasons, not for any religious ones.
If your absence would be noticed then definitely go.
It wont change your belief system.
Think christenings and funerals are the only time I go to any church.

PickledLime

Yeah I'm a staunch atheist but have no problem attending something like this. As already stated, it's about the person, not their/your religion, god, church etc.

mel.b

Thanks everyone, looks like i'm off to my first mass service.

biko

By all means, go. I'd see it as a sign of respect for the person, not the religion.

Gumbi

I agree with the others. There's a time and place for one to make a stand against the wrongdoings of the CC/religion, and this is neither the time nor place to do so.

Gbear

Something like a christening is just utter nonsense for me and I cannot see any way I'd go to one. It's not terribly important and I think an important point is that a christening/communion/conformation is always it's own self-contained event. You're only attending for the sake of the event itself. If you don't respect the event then there's no point.

Weddings are in a bit of grey area. They're not exclusively held in the church and I don't find that part to be terribly important so it would very much depend on my relationship with the person present and whether they'd care if I went to that part.

Funerals are a thing apart though.
In this case I think the triviality of the religious part renders it irrelevant and the most important thing is putting aside a relatively petty gripe with the church and essentially doing something nice for a grieving family.
I wouldn't lecture someone else as to what they should do but personally I'd go to any funeral mass so long as I'd be attending their funeral in general.

mel.b

Thanks everyone. I don't have any greviance or anything angainst the CC. It's just i wasn't raised in Ireland and am not catholic. I didn't go to the actual funeral which was a few months ago. However as others have pointed out, it ks about remembering the person and the work they did, so i'll go alomg.

swampgas

I've been to plenty of funeral masses, but never to a memorial service. I'm not advising one way or the other here, just commenting that a memorial service is not something that has ever come up outside my immediate family. I've never been invited to a memorial mass for a deceased colleague.

(Mind you, as I don't attend my own father's memorial masses, I guess I wouldn't be likely to attend one for anyone else either.)

*Edit* Just read that it was only a few months ago. If I had attended the funeral, I wouldn't feel obligated to go to the memorial - to me, that would be for those that really want to go.

Rev Hellfire

mel.b wrote: »

I'm not really keen, but wondering if it would be seen as disrespectful if i don't go?

Just say the day doesn't suit if asked and don't go.
Unless there a benefit to attending or risk to not, I'd leave it.

magicbastarder

Gbear wrote: »

Weddings are in a bit of grey area. They're not exclusively held in the church and I don't find that part to be terribly important so it would very much depend on my relationship with the person present and whether they'd care if I went to that part.

i think it would be the height of ignorance to ask the couple can you skip the church part, and just come for the free food.
the reception is for people who went to the wedding. if you had enough of an issue with the church not to go to the wedding ceremony, best not go at all.

Mickeroo

magicbastarder wrote: »

i think it would be the height of ignorance to ask the couple can you skip the church part, and just come for the free food.
the reception is for people who went to the wedding. if you had enough of an issue with the church not to go to the wedding ceremony, best not go at all.

The secret is to get there 5 minutes before the end of the ceremony, that way the Bride & Groom see you leave the church :pac:

krudler

robindch wrote: »

As long as you're not expected to take part in the praying, half-time biscuits etc, I can't see any problems. FWIW, I stand up when everybody else stands up and sit down when everybody else sits down, but stay seated when everybody else kneels. Your mileage may vary.

I'm stealing this.

Penn

Gbear wrote: »

Something like a christening is just utter nonsense for me and I cannot see any way I'd go to one. It's not terribly important and I think an important point is that a christening/communion/conformation is always it's own self-contained event. You're only attending for the sake of the event itself. If you don't respect the event then there's no point.

Personally, if I'm invited to a christening, I'd go to the church part. Like you, I find the whole ceremony to be pointless and utter nonsense. But my viewpoint would be that if the parents invited me, they want me there. So I'd go out of respect to them rather than placing any importance or significance on the event itself.

PickledLime

swampgas wrote: »

I've been to plenty of funeral masses, but never to a memorial service. I'm not advising one way or the other here, just commenting that a memorial service is not something that has ever come up outside my immediate family. I've never been invited to a memorial mass for a deceased colleague.

(Mind you, as I don't attend my own father's memorial masses, I guess I wouldn't be likely to attend one for anyone else either.)

*Edit* Just read that it was only a few months ago. If I had attended the funeral, I wouldn't feel obligated to go to the memorial - to me, that would be for those that really want to go.

Glad to hear about someone else feeling this way. I've been to my mother's first anniversary mass and it was basically "Jesus died for your sins, blah blah blah, stand, sit, kneel, Jesus again, i'll briefly read the names of dead people, Jesus, half time biscuits*, blah blah, amen".

Don't care what anyone else thinks now, i think about my mother every single day, really don't need to stand round in a cold, dank church where you get funny looks for not partaking in half time treats (i'd consider it more disrespectful if i did - I'm not Catholic, I'm atheist) and the mass basically amounts to a priest (who i don't know from Adam) name checking my loved one