Calling ex-boyfriend

MizzWolfie

My boyfriend of five years broke up with me a month ago. Since I've kept busy and been doing ok but there are moments, like now, where I feel like I have to talk to him. In the month I've caved once, he's rung me once. We've agreed to no contact based on friends' advice. Is it ever acceptable to call when the pain gets too much?

jellygems

MizzWolfie wrote: »

My boyfriend of five years broke up with me a month ago. Since I've kept busy and been doing ok but there are moments, like now, where I feel like I have to talk to him. In the month I've caved once, he's rung me once. We've agreed to no contact based on friends' advice. Is it ever acceptable to call when the pain gets too much?

if you call you are only delaying the process of letting go.... i would say ring someone else if u need to chat or try and say to urself yes u miss him terribly but this will pass and it will

Ellsbells

Op I know hard it is but what good would it do? What would you say? It will definitely set you back and no contact is really the only way to get over it.

girl2

Totally agree with jellygems, you're only delaying the process and setting yourself back. I know it's so so hard, especially when you were together for such a long time, but sticking with no contact is your only real option, I think.

I know it is very cliche, but whose who say "time heals" are really telling the truth.

All the best OP.

LegacyUser

Wish I was able heed my own advice here. But don't you will only end up hurting yourself more. After 5 months out of a 3 year relationship I messed up on Friday night. This girl broke my heart. Put me through hell really. She cheated on me and is now living with her new guy. I got an email from her father asking me to maybe meet with her and forgive her. That she still loved me. I was strong and wrote back telling him how I felt and that I didn't think it was a good idea for me to have any contact with her. That was 2 months ago. Then last week I got a email from her sister thanking me for a gift I had bought her, but she only got from my ex recently. As she is Russian. My ex visited her in the summer. In return she sent me a gift. She also said how sorry she was the way things worked out. It got me thinking maybe I should contact my ex. Maybe we can still be together. Maybe she's not with this other guy any more. I wish now I didn't. Such a stupid stupid mistake I am so mad with myself. I thought I was over her. I called she seemed happy to hear my voice, I then foolishly suggested I called to her house to meet her. When I saw her I broke down in tears. In the house I saw his stuff. His laptop, his clothes, his child's toys, letters addressed to him on the table. The dog I bought my ex didn't recognise me. It was so sad. We talked, she trying to justify what she did. Asking about my family. Asking if I met anyone. Asking if I had built my house. Asking if I went on the cruise holiday I bought her for Christmas where I had planned to propose. As if she expected me to forget all about her in such a short period. We just hugged each other crying before I left. Meeting her ruined my whole weekend. I felt physically sick. Reality has hit that I will never have a future with this girl no matter how stubborn I am.
I had come so far in the past 5 months, seeing a counsellor, working on myself. Finding new hobbies. I've now just gone and set myself back. I wish I could go back to Friday evening and change what I did.
Sorry OP for hijacking your thread and my rant, maybe after reading this it will make up your mind for you that you shouldn't contact him. Easier said than done I know! But DON'T....

Buncha Fives

Sorry to hear that its never nice to hear of someone getting burnt like that...Im sure its been said to you 100 times before but if she was the type of girl who could do the dirt on you after 3 years well then you were better off without her, the worse thing you could ever have done was marry her and then she would have an affair after a few years and it would be even harder to pick up the pieces.

I think your right in when you said that a person is better off with no contact when they split up...in the short term its a lot more painful but you will manage to move on quicker, when you are in contact with the person it is always at the back of your mind that you might someday get back together.

unregister wrote: »

Wish I was able heed my own advice here. But don't you will only end up hurting yourself more. After 5 months out of a 3 year relationship I messed up on Friday night. This girl broke my heart. Put me through hell really. She cheated on me and is now living with her new guy. I got an email from her father asking me to maybe meet with her and forgive her. That she still loved me. I was strong and wrote back telling him how I felt and that I didn't think it was a good idea for me to have any contact with her. That was 2 months ago. Then last week I got a email from her sister thanking me for a gift I had bought her, but she only got from my ex recently. As she is Russian. My ex visited her in the summer. In return she sent me a gift. She also said how sorry she was the way things worked out. It got me thinking maybe I should contact my ex. Maybe we can still be together. Maybe she's not with this other guy any more. I wish now I didn't. Such a stupid stupid mistake I am so mad with myself. I thought I was over her. I called she seemed happy to hear my voice, I then foolishly suggested I called to her house to meet her. When I saw her I broke down in tears. In the house I saw his stuff. His laptop, his clothes, his child's toys, letters addressed to him on the table. The dog I bought my ex didn't recognise me. It was so sad. We talked, she trying to justify what she did. Asking about my family. Asking if I met anyone. Asking if I had built my house. Asking if I went on the cruise holiday I bought her for Christmas where I had planned to propose. As if she expected me to forget all about her in such a short period. We just hugged each other crying before I left. Meeting her ruined my whole weekend. I felt physically sick. Reality has hit that I will never have a future with this girl no matter how stubborn I am.
I had come so far in the past 5 months, seeing a counsellor, working on myself. Finding new hobbies. I've now just gone and set myself back. I wish I could go back to Friday evening and change what I did.
Sorry OP for hijacking your thread and my rant, maybe after reading this it will make up your mind for you that you shouldn't contact him. Easier said than done I know! But DON'T....

LegacyUser

Don't ring your ex boyfriend or call over to where he lives as you are only getting your hopes up that things will go back to the way they were.
It is hard to accept that a relationship has ended but you need to move on with your life.

You can move on after a long term relationship but you have to be willing to make the effort to meet up with friends, get involved in new things and be willing to keep an open mind if you meet someone new.