How much to expect?

LegacyUser

I've been in a relationship with this guy for 3 months. We're both late twenties. I work full time and he works part time. I drive, he does not.

My issue is that I don't know how much to expect when it comes to give and take in a relationship. I've never been spoilt with gifts and gestures in the past and don't expect any of that stuff. When we go out we tend to split things 50/50 with me paying more sometimes. Thats not a problem for me. The problem I'm having is with the actually quality time spent together. He doesn't seem to see the point of 'dates' anymore and since he doesn't drive its a case of me always being the one to go and see him. It is possible for him to get public transport to see me, its a little more awkward for him than it is for me to hop in the car, but its still possible. But he has a problem with taking the bus. So I'm always the one who seems to be making the effort.

The last few times I have gone to see him he has as good as ignored me to use his computer or watch top gear. I don't even seem to get offered a cup of tea anymore. I'm starting to feel like I'm not really getting anything out of this anymore, but he has a really good personality. I've never had anyone make a fuss of me in the past, but exs have always made a bit more effort than this. He says he's mad about me though so I'm not sure if I'm looking for too much. Is this normal at this stage?

Thanks.

Zoolander1

Been in this situation a few times where I was driving and the girl wasn't.

It grated on me a few times, but usually when there was other things about the girl which were turning me off, or in other words leading me to think we were not compatible long-term. I started to resent them at times for lack of effort. Other times it didn't bother me and that was usually when I was really happy with the girl and could see a future with them. I dont think it's a major thing but it's good to be mobile imo.

On point two, it's 3 months in and he's not very attentive, almost ignoring you in the house. I mean that's a bit odd. What will it be like in a year, 5 years?

He says he's mad about you but that old cliche 'actions speak louder than words' usually rings true in my view. When you're mad about someone, you show that through your actions/communication. Especially in the early stages of dating.

Maybe talk about it or move on, find someone who meets your needs and expectations.

Idle Passerby

3 months in you would expect to still be excited to spend time with and get to know your new partner. He's not making the effort to come and see you and ignoring you when your at his house. He's not interested in my opinion and as time goes on hes likely to get less interested rather than moreso.

Ellsbells

So where is the attraction here? You pay for him to go out and travel to see him all the time and when you do that he ignores you. Are ye definitely exclusive???

nowyouresix

OP: if you feel like this now, then cut your losses and move on. You'll only end up resenting him. You are overcompensating as it is, he will feel emasculated.... Break up. I know it's harsh, but do yourself a favour...
Best of luck.

stargazer 68

123unsure wrote: »

He doesn't seem to see the point of 'dates' anymore and since he doesn't drive its a case of me always being the one to go and see him. It is possible for him to get public transport to see me, its a little more awkward for him than it is for me to hop in the car, but its still possible. But he has a problem with taking the bus.

The last few times I have gone to see him he has as good as ignored me to use his computer or watch top gear. I don't even seem to get offered a cup of tea anymore. Is this normal at this stage?

Thanks.

Sorry OP but I would kick him into touch! What problem with taking the bus? An actual problem or just cant be bothered??

As for ignoring you when you are there -not on! I have been seeing my bf for 7 months now and he would never treat me like that.

ad1234

say it to him, shape up r ship out! im sure theres a loevly man out there who wont take you for granted. dont find yourself stuck in yrs to come in an unhapy relationship x

LegacyUser

All relationships require give and take but at the moment you are doing all the giving.
Your boyfriend is has a problem with taking the bus to get to you - what a load of s****.
I have know couples where one had a car and the other did not but the non car owner would get a bus to see there other half. I knew couples who would spend 2 to 3 and half hours on a bus on a Friday night to see there oh.
After driving over to see him your lucky to get a cup of tea when he stays on the computer and hardly talks to you.
I would tell him to change his ways or you will end the relationship.

shalalala

So he doesn't make an effort to see you? And when you are there he takes you for granted? I think that it is over OP.

The other point is, maybe organise for one night a week to be a "date night". Myself and the OH started this and it works a treat. It doesn't have to be expensive, a couple of drinks, food and the cinema. But it gets us out of the house to spend quality time together.

But tbh, the lack of trying on his part would be the concern for me.

dannyc31

I'm sorry OP but as the saying goes "he's just not that into you". i actually wouldnt take it as anything you are doing wrong as he is probably just very lazy & immature when it comes to relationships and would be exactly the same with any other girl.

you are already telling yourself this is not what you want from a relationship so unless he can do a 360 on this behaviour i dont see any point in keeping it up. it especially shouldnt be like this after only 3months together, this should still be the exciting honeymoon period were you will make any effort to see each other no car or not.