Feeling a bit down...

LegacyUser

Unreg for this.

Anyway, feeling very down these days. Sorry if there's an issue with what I type (I'm not seeking medical referrals, just advice). Over the past...well summer I guess? I've been feeling really deflated. 1 year out of college, and unemployed and have a feeling that life is just one big cycle, everyday repeating itself. I don't think the unemployment is contributing too much to the way I'm feeling, because I don't enjoy my line of work. I'm just more afraid of being seen as lazy with no job when it's so much more than that.

I had a bit of a meltdown recently where I just stayed in my room all day, didn't eat, do anything. Had a long cry with the parents etc. and admitted wasn't really liking myself a whole lot at the minute.

Parents were finally alarmed and said they think I need help. However, even today when I'm out and about, they're totally ignoring what's happened? They seem pretty cold to me, not making eye contact and walking right by me without words. Ignoring me in conversations, if there's just me and one of them it's a long period of silence till they leave the room. I know it's probably hard for them to see me like this, but surely this is when I sort of need to talk more about it? So much still left unsaid and I feel like by telling them I felt this way was a major mistake.

They're too involved to give such impartial advice which is why I'm sort of posting here. I'm not sure if counselling is for me, and I'd be very embarassed to go to my local GP with this sort of problem. Not really sure what to do to be honest. The people I've confided in were great at the time, but 24hrs later it's just like it never happened?

Thanks for reading.

LegacyUser

Hi,

I'm a bit older than you (I'd imagine) being about 7 years out of college. But I've been unemployed in the recent past for a year. What you're saying sounds familiar I'm afraid, and it most likely is the unemployment speaking.

I don't know the background or what you do or how much experience you have had of work, but let me put it to you this way - you're sitting at home (or are in or around home!) with little or no money all day everyday, job hunting and getting nowhere? Is that about right? You have no idea how much that eats away at your confidence. Well, you do, but you don't realise you do. Never mind thinking you're not happy with your line of work - you don't actually have any work to not be happy with. That's the biggest part of your problem. Any feelings you have about not being good enough or (as you say) about being seen as lazy, or any of those things - they become multiplied significantly as time passes. Have you not read all those interviews with people who lose their jobs and as mortified to be seen claiming the dole because they're afraid people will think they're spongers and lazy?? Everyone feels that way when they're unemployed and have been used to working/in education.

What I'm trying to say in a somewhat mixed up way is that your problem is most likely the unemployment and the feelings of absolute inadequacy that flow from that. There is absolutely nothing whatsoever wrong with going to talk to your GP. Sometimes your brain - your mind - needs a fresh pair of eyes/ears looking in. Sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself is go and talk to someone who doesn't know you at all but who will lend a sympathetic ear. Someone who will listen to what you have to say, look at your situation with fresh eyes, and offer a view that you never thought of. Seriously. I've been there in the not-too-distant past. It's not easy to open up, but try not to be embarassed. You have no idea - you are not the only one to feel this way and you really need to believe that because it's so true. It takes a big person to ask for help. I'm not suggesting you go shell out loads of money to spend years talking to a therapist of some form - I'm just suggesting that you pay your GP a visit and either talk to them or get the name of a local counsellor and visit them for a couple of sessions. It's not embarassing, it's not trivial - it's all your doubts and fears rattling around in your head the whole time with nothing else for you to think about, while you worry about getting a job. Your little breakdown the other night was your body's way of telling you it's under stress and needs some help, someone impartial to talk to.

In the meantime, if you haven't already tried, can I suggest volunteering and maybe further education? Make sure you get out of the house at least once every day, preferably for some exercise. Really. It's nature's own anti-depressant. It will be hard to do initially but it will keep you sane.

The best of luck with it OP and don't ever be embarassed about how you feel. There are thousands of people around the country right now in your position, and it's not a nice place to be. Don't be afraid to ask for help if it becomes too much for you now and then. And chin up...your day will come

MOR66

Don't beat yourself over something that isn't your fault,many people are in your position then not.You seem fairly deflated and probably are suffering from a case of clinical depression.It's good you opened up to your parents but i'd advise that you seek some professional help,as just having someone to talk to will help you feel more optimistic about your future.I know it might seem easier to isolate yourself but thats not solving any problems.If needed you could always take a year out,might do a world of wonders!

nyarlothothep

Yeah, I agree, I think you're being too hard on yourself, you're in a bit of a rut, the economy is at a standstill in most areas, except for IT it would seem and even then it's vastly easier to get a job if you have experience. The western economic system is fundamentally broken, the solutions are essentially loot from the taxbase to prop up banks of "systemic risk" (yeah right). And the result of all this is the real human cost of unemployment, austerity and so forth that gets abstracted in policy meetings between individuals who really aren't qualified to call the shots, what with their greed, gross incompetence and short sightedness, banking and corporate interests and politics all being intertwined. So basically don't blame yourself, it's not that you're not good enough, it's the system which is inadequate and which is under huge economic and political pressure to change, given that the current and farcical 2nd Great Depression is intolerable. You could continue with further education, and keep applying for jobs and perhaps just view this unemployment thing as a chance to develop hobbies/interests outside of the work/education cycle, in order to alleviate the tedium. Take up jogging/exercise, it will make you feel better.

edellc

OP go to your GP and seek some help, what you are describing is to do with your situation at the moment and there are many others who are in the same boat and been going through it a lot longer. I am not making light of your situation just letting you know your not alone with it.

Its good you spoke to your parents but tbh there isnt a whole lot they can do, you are an adult and they cant frog march you down to the gp's, when your feeling depressed you tend to over analysis things and this seems to be the case as per the conversations or lack of with your parents...they probably acted the same way towards you when you where not depressed but because you where in college, school and doing your own thing it wasnt an issue to you, but now you have nothing to occupy your time and no one to talk to its more obvious. So stop thinking there is a conspiracy towards you, there isnt and it is you and not them.

You have two choices with depression, the first is to sit and wallow in it, which is great for a while and then you get stuck there, or make the effort to go to the gps and maybe a course of anti depressants - depression is just a chemical imbalance in the brain and needs to be corrected thats all, its like having a flu and needing anti biotics you will just be on them a bit longer, it may also help to speak to a councillor and as said already try volunteer or pop down to your social welfare office and see what courses there have going.

I know your just out of college but see if there is a fun course there for you or a course that you always had a bit of an interest in but never really thought to much about, normally they run for a few weeks/months they are not like going to university or doing a two year plc there are a lot less intense but its something to do and if your already on the dole they cost you nothing and you actually get more money for doing them.

Have a look at your social life too OP, do you live near friends, I know its hard to have a social life on the dole but it can be done and you live at home so you dont have the added expense of rent/food/bills or not to the same extent as you would do if you live out of home so you should have a bit of expendable income, so get in touch with friends and arrange a meet up, what clubs are there around you to join, and most importantly exercise it really is the happiness drug they talk about, the first few weeks are hell but then you start to enjoy it and look forward to it, stick the ipod in and run or walk super fast and leave the demons behind for an hour

it will get better OP but please seek the help of your gp

jack89

Hi op i can relate to what you're going through especially on the parents side of things. What made me feel better was talking to other people my age and realising they were just as confused and unsure about their future as i was/am!

That was a lovely post by frommetoyou and i know this may sound ridiculous but if you can forget about your future career for awhile and focus on getting out there, spending time with friends, exercising, even getting a part time job so you can save a bit, it'll do you the world of good!

Pomplamousse

Sorry to hear you are feeling this way OP.
I would second the recommendation to maybe try some volunteer work if you can, even better if you could find some in the area you plan on basing your career around. I am in a similar situation to you and have been doing this, it really makes a difference having something concrete to spend a day doing, even if it's just a couple of times a week.
Also taking up some sort of exercise is a great idea. I've also been trying to teach myself a language and improve my typing skills. Basically try and make the most of the spare time you have while you have it

LegacyUser

I'm going back into education after a hiatus due to long-term illness and volunteering was the best thing I could have done. It vastly improved my people skills and trained me to deal with the public, it improved my confidence, and I regained my enthusiasm for the subject I'm now going back to study. Also, I got a glowing reference which proved very useful and I made new friends.

As a previous poster said, you need a two-pronged approach to dealing with your depression. Counselling is one, and mental and physical activity is another. Build a foundation for your future by gaining new skills and work to regain your confidence.

bakergirl91

Hi OP. You need to cut yourself some slack. When you are suffering as much as you are, you cant help but act in a certain way and feel helpless. although you say that your not down about not having a job, your feelings suggest you feel stuck. Therefore you gotta get out of this rut. You need to get some ideas for the future, even if you decided on the area you were interested in. I went through similar things with my own parents. I suffer from OCD. when i had a total meltdown one day they were there but after that they were avoiding me. I am better now but i realised my parents were just afraid of setting off another episode. All they may be doing is trying to digest everything that happened as well as saying something to you that might upset you. Its a delicate situation for parents i think , because no matter what they say, at our age we think they are wrong and we will try and find flaws in every suggestion they give. So sometimes they will feel they best say nothing and leave it to a professional or for you to work though it all yourself.

This brings me to my next point, these feelings you are having are experienced by so many other people unfortunately across the country. But you need to talk to a professional, its what i did and it has changed me forever. I was extremely reluctant at the beginning, but you really wont regret it.

all the best and i hope you gain some ideas from all the posts on how you would like to proceed !