CBT and Homophobia

cabaret

Hi guys,

I am currently undergoing *CBT (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy). It's been a huge eye opener and I can't express how much it is helping me in my everyday life. I have a bit of homework this week and it's to come up with a few statements that ignorant, homophobic people might come out with when talking to me. I was wondering if anyone could think of statements about your sexuality that has left you uneasy and deflated. We are trying to come up with around 10 negatives and then work through them rationally and realistically. For example; "All gay men are HIV + and its a gay disease". No matter how crude it is please submit any you can think of - this will help me greatly as I need to be more assertive and stand up for myself. By going through the statements I can look for research to see if I can disprove a point or give correct information about their perceived "facts". Thanks a million in advance.

---

*Cognitive behaviour therapy is one of the few forms of psychotherapy that has been scientifically tested and found to be effective in hundreds of clinical trials for many different disorders. In contrast to other forms of psychotherapy, cognitive therapy is usually more focused on the present, more time-limited, and more problem-solving oriented. In addition, patients learn specific skills that they can use for the rest of their lives. These skills involve identifying distorted thinking, modifying beliefs, relating to others in different ways, and changing behaviours.

Rick_

HIV / AIDS is a gay disease.
We are all serial shaggers and can't be monogamous.
We fancy every man / woman we see.
We are essentially paedophiles.
Our lifestyle essentially involves sex, drugs and dancing. Not much else.
Gay men are all camp girly types and lesbians are all butch manly types.

Just off the top of my head...

cabaret

Thanks Paddy C for taking the time to help, I'll be definitely using a few of them.

Conor30

Gay men are perverted.
Gay men are sexual deviants.
Gay men are paedophiles that can't be trusted around children.
Gay men always try to hit on their straight (male) friends.
Gay men aren't 'real' men.

whattotdo

Paddy C wrote: »

HIV / AIDS is a gay disease.
We are all serial shaggers and can't be monogamous.
We fancy every man / woman we see.
We are essentially paedophiles.
Our lifestyle essentially involves sex, drugs and dancing. Not much else.
Gay men are all camp girly types and lesbians are all butch manly types.

Just off the top of my head...

Conor30 wrote: »

Gay men are perverted.
Gay men are sexual deviants.
Gay men are paedophiles that can't be trusted around children.
Gay men always try to hit on their straight (male) friends.
Gay men aren't 'real' men.

OP,I was going to say the exact same as the above,just shows you I'm not the only one to hear it,other ones:
If you weren't gay,you'd be a homophob too
Homosexuality is a genetic defect,ye can't reproduce
Your a woman trapped inside a mans body
You can't play any sport to a high standard (God forbid might break a nail)
I could think of more but might take my anger out on my laptop:(

Sir Pompous Righteousness

"Gay men have an average life expectancy 20 years less than straight men."

cabaret

Thanks guys, getting some great ones here that will help enormously. I know it's making me so angry reading them. Once we have our counter arguments and can logically and rationally disprove the statements and show the people saying them as ignorant it'll be all worth it!

Ambersky

As far as I know CBT encourages people not to engage in all or nothing thinking generalizations and exaggerations. I would suggest we could extend this to the idea of what we refer to as "homophobes".
It is too simple to just think you can divide people up into homophobes and not homophobes. The more likely expression is that we are raised in a society that treats and thinks of certain people who belong to the dominant group as normal and those who do not belong to that group as less than, or needing treatment or just not normal. In this society we are all effected by this thinking in one way or another and even if we are LGBT ourselves we experience and I know not everyone likes to hear this - internalized homophobia.

Getting to my point, in my experience therapists need to consciously work on their own homophobia before treating LGBT clients.

I have had the misfortune to go to one therapist who included CBT among her qualifications and it was only after we had a rather severe run in that I understand better where she was coming from. I believe one she had not dealt with her own homophobia and two that there are implications in the thinking behind CBT that could lead one to believe that the only way to deal with issues that are social and political are in a personal way.

For example, their experiences of sexual or physical abuse at the hands of another or the tragedies of their loved ones have left enormous scars in their life. In such circumstances, cognitive-restructuring exercises, with their emphasis on reframing reality and not on changing it, do not deal with the true problem.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-justice-and-responsibility-league/200903/four-drawbacks-cognitive-therapy

The premise of mainstream cognitive behavioral therapy is that changing maladaptive thinking leads to change in affect and in behavior. That's a pretty powerful statement and it places a very serious responsibility on the shoulders of a therapist to have first sorted their own thinking out.

The therapist I went to seemed pretty self satisfied with her own situation which probably demonstrated to her the accuracy and healthy superiority of her own thinking. She was pretty sure the situation I was in was in no way due to the homophobia I was meeting at work but rather down to my own personal reaction to it.
She told me that she knew loads of gay people who had left this country because they could not live and work here and if I was unhappy it was because I hadnt taken the same road. It was all up to me and if I tweaked my maladaptive thinking everything would be all right. My happiness or unhappiness was my own choice. So I put that forward as my homophobic statement.

By the way my criticisms are not to say that CBT can not have its successes or that it is inherently bad. I think CBT is best used by someone who can use it as part of a range to styles but not as the only way of thinking or of treatment. I am saying that like all forms of therapy the practitioner needs to have dealt with their own issues or they will pass them on to their clients.
I do have a problem with the way CBT is put forward as a way of saving money for health departments because of the way it is put forward as delivering success in a shorter term and in competition with other forms of therapy.

wonderfulname

What do you gain from this exercise? It seems rather strange, focusing on negative comments made by strangers and attempting to validate them. It is possible to give truthful negative statistics about any demographic, what then?

I thought this was going to be a thread on being LGBT and undergoing psychotherapy, kind of disappointed it's just a list of bad things a small minority of people who may or may not be homophobic say, I will never see the benefit in such things, but I never saw the benefit in CBT type thinking in general so it might just be me.

ongarboy

wonderfulname wrote: »

What do you gain from this exercise? It seems rather strange, focusing on negative comments made by strangers and attempting to validate them. It is possible to give truthful negative statistics about any demographic, what then?

I thought this was going to be a thread on being LGBT and undergoing psychotherapy, kind of disappointed it's just a list of bad things a small minority of people who may or may not be homophobic say, I will never see the benefit in such things, but I never saw the benefit in CBT type thinking in general so it might just be me.

I was thinking the same thing. If you are undergoing CBT yourself OP, surely you would be attempting to identify and learn how you could handle experiences based on your own past encounters rather than hypothetical experiences other posters here would give you? Maybe, I'm missing the point?

cabaret

I am but I asked could we deal with this aspect as I just clam up and have no come back when confronted with homophobia. Just want to have options...

Shakti

cabaret wrote: »

I am but I asked could we deal with this aspect as I just clam up and have no come back when confronted with homophobia. Just want to have options...

One of the most damaging aspects of being a victim of such abuse is when it is internalised by the victim, this internalisation is almost always the main part of the motivation of the abuser. If CBT can and I believe it is from what you say can help stop this internalisation taking hold and ejecting it from your psyche then that is a huge part of defending yourself from the immediate and lasting effects of such abuse.

Considering the wide variety or scenarios one might encounter such abuse like; work, social, academic, family etc. the appropriate verbal response (if any) would be different, it would be nice but I don't believe there is a WD40 for ignorance.

If I'm being honest I am always shocked by it and thankfully it doesn't happen as much as when I was younger (daily basis), now I just look at it as assholes identifying themselves if it's someone on the street or socially and if it occurs professionally or in public or private services then it's a matter of recording it for evidence and passing that along or speaking to their superiors.

I am glad CBT is working for you and may your happiness only increase and continue.

Mickey Dazzler

All ******s are deviants.

brokenice

what about....
'God hates fags!' and 'Fags can't marry!'

whattotdo

http://www.independent.ie/lifestyle/independent-woman/celebrity-news-gossip/paris-hilton-causes-outrage-after-homophobic-comments-caught-on-tape-3235923.html


People like Paris Hilton are the reason why above responses were given.

lctake2

Hope the CBT is still going well. I did it for a few months a couple of years ago and it made such a massive difference to my life. Going through it can be a tough and draining process but imo well worth it.

cabaret

Thanks lctake2, yes it is going very well indeed. I find it so helpful and non-judgmental. Cheers.

BanzaiBk

Glad your finding the CBT helpful cabaret. I'm in month 8(!) now, had to take a few short breaks, but really noticing changes in everyday things. I still find the sessions quite draining though and against the advice I often find myself in bed once I get home.