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Relationship - am I paranoid?

  • 10-09-2012 8:44pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Sorry in advance for the rambling post, but here goes...

    So, in a long term relationship with my girlfriend. Typically enough, things are up and down, but we went through a period of about 18 months, on and off (up to late last year), where I didn't really put enough effort in. Things were fine, just a bit meh. We're together over 10 years, so there's loads of love but at that time no spark. Things are much better now and things should be fine.

    She's Polish, has been here a few years, but had difficulty making friends for a long time. She had no real interest in hanging out with my friends. She works in a bar, I work earlies so our timetables don't match. She changed jobs a few months ago, and now she has a group of friends from there and she's partying it up. All cool, I'm happy she has a group of friends. I was a bit wary at first, but I've met them a few times and they're a good bunch. But I'm getting paranoid about one guy, and I hate being like this. Good looking guy, from a neighbouring country to her, bit of a party animal. Has a girlfriend, but I get the impression he wouldn't be averse to cheating on her. She used to talk about him a lot, and when I'd make the odd joke like "ah, you like him!" she'd get all angry and defensive. I've even started checking the browser history on the computer to see who she's looking up on facebook, and this guy comes up a lot. I've never been jealous with her before, but it's cutting me up lately. I've only met this guy once, and he seemed a bit odd, maybe it was just me, but it was like there was no interest or he wanted to be talking to someone else.

    Today I looked at the computer history and saw that she was messaging this guy on facebook. Like a mug I clicked on the history link, and she hadn't signed out so it took me to her account and a "click to send a new message to XXXXX" came up. Clicked back to messages and there were no messages with this guy in her account. I know snooping was wrong, I know it's her privacy, but this is killing me now. Why would she be deleting messages? For what it's worth I did catch her going through my text messages one day recently, which she then vehemently denied.

    What do I do? I hate being like this, I hate feeling I have to check the browser history, I hate having gone into her facebook. I can't say this to her without giving away that I was in her account. Things are good between us, so why would she be cheating? And therefore why would she be looking up this guy all the time and deleting messages from him? Am I just paranoid? Why the hell can't I just get over this and trust her?

    I don't have any answers for myself, does anyone have any advice?


Comments

  • #2
    ElleEm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,981 ✭✭✭ElleEm


    You don't know she is cheating! She may be just friendly with the guy.

    You are together long enough now to be able to sit her down and tell her that you are feeling a bit insecure as she has all these new friends. Chat to her about that and maybe try to get involved in this part of her life.


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