Cheated On GF

LegacyUser

Was at a festival there two weeks ago. Went out with a crowd of lads I wouldn't usually hang out with (It was all very last second, I only decided on Fri that I was going to the festival)

Long story short. I got on great with everyone there ( they were friends of friend I had just met earlier on in the year) so,great that I spent the entire friday and saturday plastered drunk, and having a bit of banter with everyone.

So much so that I spent the night with one of the girls from that group. Only thing was that I was totally plastered and neglected to tell them that my GF was coming up sunday!!

Totally alienated myself from everyone there-- bad vibes all round...

Had to get a few people to swear that they would never tell her,people that knew her from different social circles that knew. the lads in the group gave me **** for doing with I did.. I was so drunk I just wasn't thinking.

My friends who were there weren't happy with me, but swore that they wouldn't say anything, because they thought that our relationship is good (I have never cheated on her in 2 years of going out).

Now it's a few weeks later and were moving place, this still plays on my mind!!

I feel like i'm sitting on a timebob, but there's too many people involved who know what I did. Most don't want to tell her cause they know it would devastate her, but I fear it's going to bite me on the ass.

I truly am sorry for what I've done but I can't take it back. I have a feeling that she may know

Ellsbells

It's probably best to come clean so.

ElleEm

I agree with Ells. Tell your girlfriend! She may forgive you, but the liklihood of that happening would be slim if she heard it from someone else, then found out that loads of your mates knew.

judgefudge

Tell her. Not just because she may find out from others, although that would of course be humiliating for her, but because she deserves to know.

blueyes12

I agree with comments above. It's best to come clean if that many people know!
Better coming from you than someone else, regardless.

That_Guy

As everyone has said, tell her... and tell her ASAP. It's a shítty thing to have done. Though if your friends were giving you hell over doing what you did then why did nobody stop you?

She probably already knows but still deserves to be told by you.

LegacyUser

I don't know guys I just feel that i'm venting and I know my own answer really!!

I'm not going to tell her and ride it out!!

We were having issues before hand, and this will just be the nail in the coffin, if somebody else tells her than what can I do,but come clean.

I'm prepared to take it on the chin, I'm just trying to preserve whats left of our relationship-- and it's bye bye if I do let her know.

I know the honest thing is to tell her, to be honest I've never been in this position in past relationships...

but sometimes honesty will bite you in the ass. I've known people who were up front about cheating and lost those relationships because they felt it had to be said, and are regretting it to this day.

It's a balls having to be in this situation, but i'm just going to shut up and try to salvage this thing we have.

Ellsbells

Best of luck op. Do it as soon as you can.

Lorna123

I wouldn't tell her OP. What's the point. You don't have to tell the OH everything. There is a good chance she will dump you if you tell her. If she finds out from someone else she may not believe it and if she confronts you with this then just say you were drunk and don't remember how far this went and felt it was best to just ignore it as you didn't want to lose her.

If you say nothing this might blow over but if you say something it will be over. You have the punishment you deserve by feeling guilty about this and this guilt is not going to go away, but why inflict your guilt on her and make her miserable too. That would be how I would see it.

blatantrereg

Triggs28two wrote: »

It's a balls having to be in this situation, but i'm just going to shut up and try to salvage this thing we have.

Too late

You're wrong to think people shouldn't come clean about cheating because it ends their relationships. People who don't come clean have ended their relationship too, in any meaningful sense. All they're doing is flogging a dead horse really. That level of deception creates a wall between people.

You might try taking responsibility for your opwn actions. You talk like you've been unlucky, or that something bad has happened to you. That's bs - you did something bad yourself. You're not the victim.

Gooner111

Given you've had a few issues your probably right that telling her would be the end.

You appear set that you won't tell her so work harder on the relationship and make it a relationship she will not want to end should your secret ever come to light in the future.

Honey-ec

I don't necessarily agree that all cheaters should automatically confess. If there's literally no chance that their partner will ever find out (and they don't actually want to end the relationship), I think a lot of people do it to assuage their own guilty conscience, and not a lot more.

However, this is clearly not the case in this scenario. I agree with the OP that he is sitting on a time-bomb here. The only number of people who can reliably keep a secret is one. A huge group of people know about the infideluty, it is going to get back to his partner.

Going back to my original point, I have always said that if my partner cheated, but there was no chance of it ever getting back to me, I wouldn't want to know. But if it was going to come out, there's only one person I'd want to hear it from, and that would be him.

OP, tbh it sounds like your relationship was possibly hitting the skids anyway. Tell your girlfriend what happened, and if she dumps you, accept it.

shalalala

I think that you would be a horrible person for dragging this out any longer. You say you already had problems? Well this is going to come out. Even if it is five years down the line. And whatever chance you have of her forgiving you now will be completely gone by the lies over those five years.

Just come clean, otherwise you don't deserve her.

Sponge25

Tell her! Regardless of if she'll find out or not. She diserves too know. If you're an honourable man you'll tell her.

I would never cheat on my gf, no matter what the situation was and believe me i've had chances.

corby1992

Triggs28two wrote: »

Was at a festival there two weeks ago. Went out with a crowd of lads I wouldn't usually hang out with (It was all very last second, I only decided on Fri that I was going to the festival)

Long story short. I got on great with everyone there ( they were friends of friend I had just met earlier on in the year) so,great that I spent the entire friday and saturday plastered drunk, and having a bit of banter with everyone.

So much so that I spent the night with one of the girls from that group. Only thing was that I was totally plastered and neglected to tell them that my GF was coming up sunday!!

Totally alienated myself from everyone there-- bad vibes all round...

Had to get a few people to swear that they would never tell her,people that knew her from different social circles that knew. the lads in the group gave me **** for doing with I did.. I was so drunk I just wasn't thinking.

My friends who were there weren't happy with me, but swore that they wouldn't say anything, because they thought that our relationship is good (I have never cheated on her in 2 years of going out).

Now it's a few weeks later and were moving place, this still plays on my mind!!

I feel like i'm sitting on a timebob, but there's too many people involved who know what I did. Most don't want to tell her cause they know it would devastate her, but I fear it's going to bite me on the ass.

I truly am sorry for what I've done but I can't take it back. I have a feeling that she may know

I too found myself in a similar situation I understand what youre going through! I ended up telling my gf because too many people knew and I knew it would break her more if someone else told her. I lost her that very minute and I am since trying to get her back but no luck as of yet. she telle me that the fact I didnt tell her hurts her more that she could forgive if i showed enough regret to man up and tell her that night. Just wondering how this panned out for you?

eviltwin

Whatever you do please get checked out for std's, it would be even worse for your girlfriend to have to deal with an infection too. Remember that some don't have symptoms but can ruin fertility. You at least owe it to her to make sure you haven't caught anything.

Taltos

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Taltos