nearly 8yrs and all over

ijustdontknow

my girlfriend of nearly 8 yrs has called it a day on us, im absolutely heartbroken. im so lonely and the one person i could always talk to is not there anymore, one minute its all great next its over, we had a fight on a weekend away 3 weeks ago over something so stupid its beyond sense. She had to move away for work to a place about an hours drive from me last year and it felt like we were growing apart i always did my best to see her at weekends and spend time with her, but she didn't make a huge effort now that i look back on it. She claimed she hadn't been feeling good about us the last few months but said nothing, i just don't know why she didn't talk to me.

Now ive come to see my friends are actually her friends, i have no job, and ive had to move back home after we travelled and worked most of the world together. Im a qualified tradesperson, over qualified for the run of the mill jobs ive been told and too stupid for the descent jobs. i just don't know anymore, nearly 27, unemployed and living with your parents, what a catch. Ive thought about college but i just don't think i can handle 4 years of it, i just don't know anymore, i really don't, fk it all anyway

Pippy1976

Last year I was unemployed, 36 and living at home... back when I was 25 the same. I had split with my boyfriend and had no money or job.

Cue: life change. I went back to college as a mature student and it is the best thing that I ever did with my life. I since graduated with an Honours degree, travelled the world and now back home... hence the unemployment phase last year.

I thought here we go: at home, no job, no partner, no money. BUT you can't let it get in on you, it's very easy to sit and think and do nothing all day. And it's SO hard to get up off your a**e and get motivated. I know 8 years is a long time to be with someone but you will get over it, things will change and work out for you but you HAVE to loose the negativity. Negativity breeds negativity... so go running - I did this while I was unemployed and it was the best thing ever! Get fit, get moving, get positive. it will all work out... it has to ... you're not going to feel like this forever.

Good luck, i'm sorry things are **** right now but if you change the way you're thinking I'm telling you it'll work out. (ooh, maybe do yoga!?)

enviro

Chin up!, I know it's hard to take right now but things will improve. I can't really help you with the relationship side of your situation, but regarding your employment situation, I can.
I was in a similar situation, qualified tradesman with no regular, reliable source of work. Made the decision to go back to collage and retrain in a completely different area. Four years on and the 2.1 degree is in the back pocket and I'm starting a new job at the end of the month earning significantly more than I was when I was working the trade.
The real bonus was the life experience of going back to collage for the second time, made loads of new friends and the crack out on the town was brilliant. I actually still sort of miss it, life moves on to the next chapter though.

BTW what is three or four years out of the rest of your life?

I'd highly recommend looking into it and see what your options are... It will change your life for the better.

LegacyUser

Sorry to hear that your relationship has ended after this all this time. I know that this is hard for you as you have been part of a couple for a long time.
Some times things happen for a reason and at some time in the future you may see that your relationship ending was a good thing. One of my friends had a broken engagement and within a few years she meet someone far better that this man. She is now married with a family.
I know that you are going though a hard time living back home and being unemployed but you can sit around feeling sorry for yourself or you can look on this the start of the rest of your life. At the moment the job situation is not great here in Ireland for a tradesperson so do you have any friends or family in the Uk? Could they help you get a job there and could you stay with them for a while? This could help you get work and meet new people.
If you decide that this is not the route you want to take would you consider going back to college even for a 1 year plc course as this could help you get a job. The department of social welfare could pay your fees and give you money towards your books and costs also.
This would help you get back to study and some plc courses can lead to a diploma and degree. I know that at the moment it is hard to make plans but if your willing to make the effort now you have the ability to move your life on.
You are only 26 and you need to see what has happened to you as a bump on the way to having a great life. Good Luck.

ijustdontknow

i no but its another 12months before college will start for me if i do it i just cant live at home much longer i hate it here so much, i live a half hour from the city, theres nothing out here, go to the local and on a good night theres 10 people there all old alcos, you could hear a pin drop there.

im not sure what would suit me in college, ive only pass grade in maths leaving cert and i havent really got any science subjects after junior cert, i just always wanted to do the trade i did. I am/was very good at it, As soon as i qualified and was about to start making a decent wage the arse fell out of it, shown the door, replaced by another apprentice for pennies.
Do you mind me asking what ye went back to college to do?
I mean it would have to be a course that would provide a job for life with a decent wage, whats that these days....pharma, medical....
I duno i guess i have plenty time to think about it. Jesus 31 by the time i finish

Pippy1976

It's no doubt a really huge decision to return to full-time education, especially when you're a bit older than the average age of most of your classmates. To my surprise though there were a few of us mature students in the class and it helped so much. The support and services in college are a great help too.

If you like the trade you're qualified in then is there any way of taking it to the next level? FAS course to become a manager or foreman or ... whatever! Not sure what trade you're in... You should set aside an hour a day to research it. I used to do that when unemployment set in... I'd treat it like that was my job, to get up early, breakfast, get online and research stuff I was interested in, lunch, then get out and get some air (run, bike, swim) and then back home for TV and dinner then bed... y'know, get some routine into your life and be proactive.

To give you some background on me: I wasn't interested in anything in school - I knew I wasn't interested in going to college at that time, I was a bit of a messer, left school & worked in various admin roles for YEARS because I wasn't qualified in anything (did secretarial stuff in school), went travelling out of sheer boredom, came home and went back to study media... what I always wanted to do but never dared say it (my school was VERY academic). Total 'career' turnaround. Happy now but it was a long haul and don't think it's all going to work out over night. I think the catalyst for me was travelling and splitting with my boyfriend - held me back somewhat and once it was over I had the freedom to do different things and explore other areas.

Living at home is hard. I was on the dole & living at home but bit the bullet and moved out - it was a struggle but definitely worth it. Maybe look into getting a cheap place ... I did and it's worked out. p.s. I was 32 when I finished college but there were older people in my class too - 42 I think one guy was.

nlk

Hi Op

Sorry to hear you are going through a tough time. I went through something similar and you will feel better. It is a cliche but it is likely you will look back at this as a good thing- but a lot of that depends on having a positive attitude.

I think it is great that you are considering ways to make changes in your life; however you have just had a big shock and disappointment so don't rush any decisions. Take some time to process the changes happening in your life, take care of yourself and take some time to figure out what would make you happy.

I'm not a fan of studying something purely because you think it will lead to a good job. I think this can leave you unfulfilled and as we have seen in recent years, can blow up in your face if the bottom falls out of an industry.

Yes if you go to college you will be 31 at the end but you are going to be 31 in four years anyway so better to be 31 with a qualification in something you enjoy and value right?

As I say, I think you should take time to consider your options but make sure that you are making a choice for you and your happiness and not because you think it is what you should do or what others have done.

Best of luck