No invite to friend's wedding

angeline

Hi. I know this may sound stupid but I've been really upset and distressed recently as a close friend of mine has stopped contacting me for no reason. She texted a couple of weeks ago to say sorry for loss of contact and would be in touch but it did not seem sincere. I would always have been in frequent contact with this girl. Now I have found out that another girl in the group who I knew was getting married soon has not invited me to the wedding. And my friend is apparently organising the hen night for this girl so obviously if we met it would come up in conversation. Feel so hurt and distressed at being excluded like this. Have always been prone to depression and this is really really getting to me. I have always been there for these girls in their time of need but that doesn't seem to have been returned. Feel totally alone in this world.

ManOfMystery

It seems strange that she's suddenly cut you off with no reason. Can you recall any arguments or anything which may have caused this and which you may have overlooked? I think in any event you need to be proactive, get in touch with your friend and ask her what's going on.

angeline

No, there was no argument or anything. Just a loss of contact. So I texted her as would be the norm and she never replied. Then she finally did a couple of weeks ago saying she had been busy and would be in touch. But she never got in touch. So I rang her today and left a message saying I knew I wasn't being invited to this other girl's hen or wedding but it didn't matter and to please ring me. I didn't want her to feel that she had to avoid me because she was organising the hen that I wasn't being invited to. So now I feel like I've lost two friends.

LegacyUser

I know it's incredibly painful but people like this who toy with your emotions are not worth it. I've been in a similar situation, my friend had broken up with his girlfriend moved to a different country and changed, he wasn't the nice friendly person I knew before, I tried my best to keep the lines of communication open but it was just insulting and not worth it so I walked away and I feel better for it. girls are not friends I would want to have, playing with your emotions like that is just not on.

ABajaninCork

Well, you've texted, left messages and called her. She's not bothered to respond to you other than telling you she'd be in touch. And she hasn't.

OP, I'm sorry to say it looks as though you've been dumped for whatever reason. It's a tough break, but I really wouldn't bother calling or contacting her any more. Let her go on with her life and you get on with yours.

It's like a bereavement, losing friends for no apparent reason. I know as it's happened to me. You'll be the one tying yourself in knots wondering why and your 'friend' won't give a sh!t either way.

Move onwards and upwards.

Nulty

I agree with ABajanInCork totally. But, this whole situation now gives you the freedom to call these people **** if anyone asks about them should that be what you feel. Its not you, its them. (well it could be you but its definitely them, if you know what I mean.)

Good luck

angeline

Yes it does feel like a bereavement. I feel such a profound sense of loss. I was so loyal to both these girls always, loyalty has always been very important to me. I won't be contacting the girl who said she'd be in touch again as I'd be making a fool out of myself at this stage. But I really feel I can't move on without letting the bride to be know how I feel as I really valued our once close friendship. She had many hard times and I was always there with her no matter what.

LegacyUser

I know how you feel. I've been dumped by friends twice in my life. First one was a school friendship that had run its course so no hard feelings there.

The second was a friend I had for several years in my adult life. It stung at the time. If I'm honest, it still does a little bit. She moved away and did attempt to get back in contact a while ago, pretending nothing had happened. I was so so tempted to email back and let fly. In the end I didn't and I'm very glad now. All it would've done was show her how much it had hurt. I don't think someone who doesn't want to be my friend any more needs to know something like that. I value my dignity more than that.

In your case I'd advise you to do the same as I did. Just ignore them. They're ex friends now. Telling the girl who you'd been a good friend to might give you a temporary release. Stop and think long term. Do you think at all that you might regret it a few years down the line and wish you'd kept a dignified silence?

seamus

Are you 100% sure that you're not being invited to the wedding?

We had one girl who never got our invite. She spent a couple of weeks stressing about it before talking to her other friends who told her that there's no way she wasn't invited and to ring us. She didn't ring us, but another friend told us about it and my wife rang her to assure her she was invited.

We hand-delivered the invite to her house, but somehow she never got it. She reckons her toddler niece who was living with her at the time must have seen it, thought it was nice and hidden it away somewhere.

So I would always find it odd that you haven't been invited to a good friend's wedding unless you've been specifically told.

snafuk35

angeline wrote: »

Hi. I know this may sound stupid but I've been really upset and distressed recently as a close friend of mine has stopped contacting me for no reason. She texted a couple of weeks ago to say sorry for loss of contact and would be in touch but it did not seem sincere. I would always have been in frequent contact with this girl. Now I have found out that another girl in the group who I knew was getting married soon has not invited me to the wedding. And my friend is apparently organising the hen night for this girl so obviously if we met it would come up in conversation. Feel so hurt and distressed at being excluded like this. Have always been prone to depression and this is really really getting to me. I have always been there for these girls in their time of need but that doesn't seem to have been returned. Feel totally alone in this world.

Are you absolutely sure you didn't do something to turn her against you?

leahyl

angeline wrote: »

Yes it does feel like a bereavement. I feel such a profound sense of loss. I was so loyal to both these girls always, loyalty has always been very important to me. I won't be contacting the girl who said she'd be in touch again as I'd be making a fool out of myself at this stage. But I really feel I can't move on without letting the bride to be know how I feel as I really valued our once close friendship. She had many hard times and I was always there with her no matter what.

Tbh OP, loyalty means jack **** to most people nowadays. It's very hard to find genuine friends who will be there for you no matter what and keep up the contact so I wouldn't dwell on it too much. Most people are out for themselves so you should do the exact same - look after number one and meet up with people if they ask you etc. but be careful about what you do for others and who you do it for because you may find that it's not appreciated and is taken for granted.

Obviously there are some great people who are loyal and kind friends but they are few and far between in my opinion.

Chin up OP:)

Pippy1976

This also happened to me years ago. Best friends with a girl. Did everything together although she always called the shots in the friendship. We were very very close for many years.

She got engaged. The invites went out for the wedding and I never got one. I asked her was I invited and her response was 'you can come to the afters but when you get married one day you'll realise how expensive it is and how you have to keep numbers down!' I was terribly upset. I never heard from her again despite making the effort to stay friends. I was gutted, and still am, but really it had probably run it's course. People change as you get older and maybe you guys are not compatible anymore.

Don't contact this girl anymore. She's humiliating you and it's not doing you any good. She knows you want to hear from her. It's up to her to get in contact now. She may not - so be prepared that this friendship is no longer.

I still miss my friend but really, she wasn't very nice to me and was a bit controlling!! Like I said, gutted at the time but met other friends who respected and valued me more over the years. Good luck!

also dumped wrote: »

I know how you feel. I've been dumped by friends twice in my life. First one was a school friendship that had run its course so no hard feelings there.

The second was a friend I had for several years in my adult life. It stung at the time. If I'm honest, it still does a little bit. She moved away and did attempt to get back in contact a while ago, pretending nothing had happened. I was so so tempted to email back and let fly. In the end I didn't and I'm very glad now. All it would've done was show her how much it had hurt. I don't think someone who doesn't want to be my friend any more needs to know something like that. I value my dignity more than that.

In your case I'd advise you to do the same as I did. Just ignore them. They're ex friends now. Telling the girl who you'd been a good friend to might give you a temporary release. Stop and think long term. Do you think at all that you might regret it a few years down the line and wish you'd kept a dignified silence?

angeline

snafuk35 wrote: »

Are you absolutely sure you didn't do something to turn her against you?

No I did not do anything to her. I've basically found out that I continued to value our friendship and that she had moved on and doesn't value it the same way I do. I'm the kind of person that people I make friends with tend to be friends for life. That is all I have ever known. Which is why this shook me so much.