Worried about parents

LegacyUser

Hi,

I'm hoping you can give me your opinion on this...

My parents (particularly my mother) are devout Catholics who have very strict opinions on what is and is not acceptable regarding religious beliefs. My father is an alcoholic, who has gotten progressively worse. As my father health has declined, my mothers faith has grown stronger. She attends religious meetings every single day and I am beginning to worry about her state of mind. She is worrying about ridiculous things and has become very cynical of people (even those she doesn't know) - for example; she thinks the end of the world is coming because we aren't pleasing God; that we need to repent before it is too late; that you can't trust psychologists/doctors/nurses etc..

Over time, my relationship with her has really declined (not that she knows this, she doesn't appear to think there is a problem, even with all our arguments). It's hard enough dealing with an alcoholic father who will not get help, but now my mother (who used to be quite rational) seems to be losing her mind and I don't know what to do.

I have tried to talk to her, but she will not listen, she tells me it's the devil trying to get the better of me! And I don't want to abandon her because I am so worried about her. Do you think I need to organise an intervention for both my mother and father? Has anyone any experience of this?

Many thanks.

edellc

wow Op that is a lot to be dealing with

Firstly your father, do you think an intervention will work, does he think he has a problem as the first thing an alcoholic needs to do is admit they have a problem and want to get help. If you father cant admit his issue and doesn't want help then any you provide will be thrown in your face and make you more sad and frustrated at the situation than you already are. Its very hard to help an addict who doesn't want help.

Your mother sounds like she is burying her head in the sand and after years of dealing with your dad she has probably reached her "enough" and has become cynical through him wearing her down. Again I think she is probably behaving like and addict and maybe doesn't see that she has an issue. I am not a religious person but have no problem with it if it helps someone get through the day, however when it effects a person like it is mam then it becomes a problem. She is putting up barriers and most religious people think they are right no matter what and there is no getting through to them.

However if you feel comfortable with this then I suggest you go speak to the church priest about your mother in a very discreet way and speak about your concerns and how he can help your mother to understand the fundamental views of the catholic church/. He may be able to get though to her as she sees the church as her whole life at the moment, and she may see you as just attacking her and being disobedient and even having the devil inside you, you never know, so try get the priest to help and maybe he can offer other support networks for you and your mother to deal with your dad.

LegacyUser

OP here, thanks for your reply.

My father is very stubborn and would never admit he has a problem or seek help - he is so afraid of what a doctor would tell him. Sadly, I really don't think he has much left in the tank at this stage.

I have tried to speak to my mother about her addiction to religion, but unfortunately, she doesn't want to know. She is only friendly with very very religious people, who weirdly think the same things she does, so there is no getting through to her. Your suggestion regarding the parish priest may be a good idea, however, according to her, she has confided in the priest about my father and told me he said she should not leave him, that something could happen to him if she leaves. Such actual bulls**t, it gets me so angry!!

edellc

Yeah most hard core religious people do think the weirdest of things, but it must be hard with one of these being your mother...the fact that she seems to be putting this above you is very sad and my heart goes out to you OP

If your father wont seek help then I really dont think there is anything you can do about it unfortunately

I can to a degree see what the priest means when he said that you father would be in worse shape without your mother so therefore she shouldnt leave, but tbh that is such an old way of thinking and something that is in bedded within the church. I take it the priest is old? So if there is no one that your mother would listen to that speaks sense then there is only only option left.

And that OP is for you to seek help maybe a councillor that lets you vent and gives you tools as to how best deal with your parents, you may not be able to change them but you can change how you deal with them and what you let effect you. Yes its a sad situation all round and we all crave the "normal" family dynamic but most of us dont have it so we have to learn to deal with what we have and find some kind of normal within that.

Learn from this though and when your lucky enough to have children be the parent to them that you dont have, we cant change yesterday but we can change today and tomorrow.