Is this girl playing the jealousy card?

LegacyUser

A new girl started at work about 6 months ago and we hit it off really well from day one. We’re both mid-20s and we’ve always been quite close and enjoyed each other’s company. We never dated, but have become good friends in that time. I don’t want to go into too much detail, but I’m pretty certain that she was very interested in having a relationship with me because she was always giving me loads of compliments, as well as many other signs. However, regrettably, I just played it cool because for various reasons, I was not in a position to get into a relationship prior to now.

In the last month, however, she has started acting very differently, especially around me, for some reason- she’s had far less contact with me, she’s not sitting beside me at lunch anymore, and she’s also started blatantly flirting with other guys right in front of me. In addition, in the past month, she’s started smoking and has also started drinking heavily most nights of the week. In this time, however, I’ve also realised that I have developed quite strong feelings for this girl and that I probably should have asked her out when I had the chance. It also tears me apart to see her flirting with other guys and it’s been on my mind all week. I’m also worried about her sudden change in drinking habits and her sudden personality change. She is acting very differently around me, but as I said above, I don’t want to go into detail.

The thing that confuses me though is that she still sometimes sends me mixed signals from time to time. For example, on Friday, she again mentioned to me that she didn’t have a boyfriend.


I’m just not sure what to do or how to react?

Do you think this girl is just trying to play the jealousy card by flirting with other guys in front of me?



(Sorry for the long post, this issue has been on my mind for a while.)

nowyouresix

I don't think necessarily she's "playing" any card. She sent you the message that she was interested. You weren't at that time, and now she's perhaps wallowing in some pseudo rejection, but definitely getting back out there, as it were. You, however, are noticing every fine detail of what she's doing, because she hasn't been around you as much, and NOW you're interested. If she has recently mentioned that she is still single, and you want to ask her out, do so now. Don't miss your second chance.

LegacyUser

she was very interested in having a relationship with me because she was always giving me loads of compliments, as well as many other signs. However, regrettably, I just played it cool because for various reasons, I was not in a position to get into a relationship

she has started acting very differently, especially around me, for some reason- she’s had far less contact with me, she’s not sitting beside me at lunch anymore, and she’s also started blatantly flirting with other guys right in front of me

Sounds to me like she made it clear that she was interested in you/wanted a relationship with you and you signalled to her that you didn't feel the same way, so now she's probably hurt/embarrassed and is understandably keeping her distance from you in order to try get over her feelings for you.

Her flirting with other guys is probably her way of trying to move on and get over you, i don't think i'd read into it as her trying to make you jealous tbh.

Look OP, it almost sounds like you just miss the ego boost of knowing this girl likes you, rather than missing her. Instead of trying to figure out if this girl is trying to make you jealous or not why not decide if you actually have feelings for her or not and stop blowing hot and cold with her.

You can't have your cake and eat it too, If you like her man up and ask her out, if you don't then leave her alone and let her move on.

Piliger

Hi OP. You seem quite confused about what you should, and have a right to, feel.

You are not dating this girl. You are not in a relationship with her. So I fail to understand how she can be accused of "play(ing) the jealousy card by flirting with other guys in front of me" ? Why shouldn't she flirt with guys ? whether in front of you or not ? She doesn't owe you anything ?

Also it appears that you had the chance to date her but rejected it - so why on earth would you be jealous and what right would you have to be jealous ?

This sounds like a nice girl who is living as a young girl should. She is enjoying her life and flirting with guys she finds fun.

What is the big deal ? and why is this about you ? I think this is what you need to be asking yourself.

LegacyUser

giveherabreak wrote: »

Sounds to me like she made it clear that she was interested in you/wanted a relationship with you and you signalled to her that you didn't feel the same way, so now she's probably hurt/embarrassed and is understandably keeping her distance from you in order to try get over her feelings for you.

Her flirting with other guys is probably her way of trying to move on and get over you, i don't think i'd read into it as her trying to make you jealous tbh.

Look OP, it almost sounds like you just miss the ego boost of knowing this girl likes you, rather than missing her. Instead of trying to figure out if this girl is trying to make you jealous or not why not decide if you actually have feelings for her or not and stop blowing hot and cold with her.

You can't have your cake and eat it too, If you like her man up and ask her out, if you don't then leave her alone and let her move on.

Hi OP here again. Thanks for all the replies.

I think that some of you may have taken me up wrong. I have strong feelings for this girl, I do like her and it's nothing to do with an ego boost. Also, I never rejected her or showed disinterest; the only thing I did wrong was to take things too slowly, but I guess I didn't want to mess things up as I do genuinely like this girl. I'm actually a genuine, decent person, but I think that I'm often perceived as a 'nice guy' which probably doesn't help either.

Anyway, today was pretty difficult at work, I think that she now has a boyfriend since the weekend and that she's trying to avoid me at all costs. I'm quite down about the whole situation because I stand to lose a potential great girlfriend and a also good friend.

The truth is about 2 weeks ago I did ask her to join a few of us at the pub after work, but she ultimately failed to turn up after saying she would go. This is in stark contrast to previous outings where she was very eager to invite me out and we'd spend the entire night together talking and joking. However, as I said in my first post, she's been acting very differently for the last month.

I work in a large company and I discovered today, via a work colleague, that I was the subject of being slagged quite badly on one night out when I wasn't there and the girl was present. I was on holidays at the time, a few weeks ago, so it would coincide with around the time when the girl changed her attitude towards me. Apparently, the slagging was done by two particular people, who happen to be quite popular and I think that it may have influenced her opinion of me.

Should I clarify these comments with the girl in case it changes her mind?