sister falling out with me over hen invite

LegacyUser

my sister is 38 and i am 27. We are 2 of a brood of 8.

She has always had a very bad temper and would fall out with you for looking at her the wrong way. She fell out with me because i got caught to work the day of her sons birthday party, she fell out with me again when my birthday party clashed with her friends ann summers party night.

Last time she fell out with me was last year when i was on my way to her daughters christning and got into a car crash, nothing huge but i did have to go hosp. Long story short she stopped talking to me for 6 months because "i took the focus off her daughters day".

Now my hen night is next week. I invited her along with my other sisters,neices, and friends. However she has now found out that a friend of mine is going that she hates(because she dated her husband years ago) and she is now refusing to come to the hen night. She rang me telling me this and i got mad and said I said to her "Fine dont come, im not uninviting her just because your her husbands ex"

She then said "If im not coming to the hen then i am not coming to the wedding" Its me or her make your choice" and hung up

Now i am in tears here.I dont know what to do

Ellsbells

Let her off. she is a prima Donna who thrives on negative attention. Enjoy your hen and wedding and don't bow to her bullying.

Taltos

Just make it clear to her and others that her not attending is her choice.
For whatever reason she has she is choosing to let her petty jealousy of an ex to cause her to miss her sister's wedding...

Don't take any guff or crap on this - don't make excuses - don't elaborate. Just "Amy won't come because Joan my friend is coming..."

Frankly a prima donna is too adult a description...

Big Bag of Chips

Don't bow to her... I have a feeling she will go to the wedding!

She just wants to bully you, she has done it your whole life. You are now an adult and don't have to put up with her childishness. She makes her decisions, you make yours. So if she doesn't go to your wedding that's her decision, nobody else's.

I can't see it happening though - she may bycott the hen to try make a point, but when she realises that you are not going to back down from her, she might cop on... and if she doesn't, it doesn't matter. The important people on the day are you, your fiance.. and people who are going to be happy for you.

Toast4532

Your sister is a drama queen who is used to getting her own way so will use the tactics she knows will work with you to get her own way.

Let her off, and if she doesn't come to your hen or wedding at least you won't have to worry about her falling out with anyone at either event.

Your hen should be happy event, as should your wedding, so to hell with those who want to try and ruin them for you.

Stick to your guns - invite your friend to your hen AND wedding and if your sister continues her hissy fit, it's her issue not yours and you shouldn't un-invite someone just because of your sister and her demanding ways.

I bet your sister will go your wedding though, regardless of whether the ex is there or not.

Stavro Mueller

+1 to what the others said. I was at a wedding recently where the sister of the bride didn't come either. She's a bit odd anyway so when her absence came up in conversations, people just rolled their eyes at her behaviour, thought she was being needlessly silly and no more was said really.

Don't bow to her selfish self-centred behaviour. That she can't even go to her own sister's hen without kicking up a stink says an awful lot more about her than it does about you. I've no doubt some of the hens will know what your sister is like anyway so it's not going to be any great surprise to them if she doesn't show. Will your hen really be that worse an event if someone with an attitude like that doesn't come?

The same with the wedding. Try not to be hurt by the way your sister's behaving. Take the attitude that if she comes, that's fine. If she doesn't, that's fine too. It's her problem, not yours.

rainbowtrout

I agree with everyone else. She thrives on drama, drama that you don't need. Basically you need to call her bluff. If she repeats her threat just say 'That's grand' and don't get into a conversation about it like it was just cancelling meeting you for coffee. She will go to the wedding more than likely because she won't want to tell people the stupid reason she has for not going. If she doesn't go, it won't be much of a loss.

Piliger

Hi OP. This really is a ghastly situation for you. Because I am sure you love your sister and wish it would stop. Your older sister sounds like she really is a high maintenance sister and nothing you can do ever really satisfies her. You how no other choice but to stop trying now.

Unfortunately what you need in your family is someone to interceded and give you both some good quality counselling - to try to shake some sense in to your sister and to help you adjust to not having to satisfy her neediness.

It sounds to me like these incidents are only symptomatic of something else going on behind the scenes. These incidents are only excuses for a behaviour on her side that is brought about by some other resentment. Something else that goes WAY back in your history or the history of the family. And if I am right, only when that issue is dealt with can any kind of resolution come about.

Sorry I don't have any better advice to offer you.

thefeatheredcat

swctmyhn wrote: »

"If im not coming to the hen then i am not coming to the wedding" Its me or her make your choice" and hung up

Ah here, all she's looking for is for you to fawn all over her and be running after her begging her to come along and that your friend will be uninvited... just so she gets the attention she's looking for. Don't respond to it. She's creating an unnecessary drama that fuels her ego and need for attention probably through insecurities.

swctmyhn wrote: »

Last time she fell out with me was last year when i was on my way to her daughters christning and got into a car crash, nothing huge but i did have to go hosp. Long story short she stopped talking to me for 6 months because "i took the focus off her daughters day".

This is how you'll know. Doesn't sound like the christening was about your niece either, it was about her! What she really means by it took the focus off her daughter's day is that it took the focus off ME ME ME ME ME (honestly you have a car accident and she's worried that nobody was paying attention to her via her daughter and stops talking to you for 6 months??)

Don't play into it OP if she wants to be that way, let her. Don't go running after her or anything like that, whatever the issue is, she is absolutely the one with the problem here, not you and definitely not your friend. Either way, if she stops talking to you for a while, just enjoy the peace and quiet and not having a drama to deal with!

ManOfMystery

What a petty, self-obsessed woman.

OP, just ignore her. When she realises that you won't come chasing after her every time she decides to have a huge over-reaction, she'll soon learn she can't just behave like that and expect there to be no consequences.

dellas1979

swctmyhn wrote: »

She then said "If im not coming to the hen then i am not coming to the wedding" Its me or her make your choice" and hung up

Ah clever lady on the old bullying tactics.
Its not your choice at all what she does. Its her choice.

Stick to your guns OP! Shes the one making a big ejit out of herself. If you do back down, she will probably get worse at trampling over your feelings. And I say this because that is a signal to her that is even more ok on probably the biggest day of your life, that she is allowed to behave like this.

If you allow her to behave like this on the biggest day of your life, she will own you, hook, line and sinker.

stargazer 68

I have to agree with others OP - dont give in to her petty childish behaviour - its exactly what she wants and I would say has been getting over the years.

She will go to the wedding IMO - when people ask her why she is not going what is she going to say?? I didn't like the guest list? She will just come off as being awkward and petty.

jon1981

Ah the end of the day you have nothing to feel bad about.

You are still welcoming her to hen and wedding

She is deciding to un-invite herself for silly reasons, i'm sure if the rest of the friends and family new her reasons for her actions should we be highly embarrassed.

keep your poker face OP.

Big Bag of Chips

And if anyone asked I'd be inclined to say, "She wouldn't come because XXX used to go out with her husband a hundred years ago, and she knew XXX was going to be here"

But then again, I'm petty like that, too!

Ellsbells

Email this thread to her so she might see how ridiculous she is.

Also begs the question about how healthy her own relationship is if she is worried about an ex...

Queen-Mise

Toast4532 wrote: »

Your sister is a drama queen who is used to getting her own way so will use the tactics she knows will work with you to get her own way.

Let her off, and if she doesn't come to your hen or wedding at least you won't have to worry about her falling out with anyone at either event.

+ One million on this. A drama queen, controlling & a bully. On principle you can't back down to demands like this.

I am still in shock over the car accident. You deliberately had a car accident to take attention away from her daughters birthday :eek::eek::eek::eek:

There is no logic with your sister, she is too wrapped up in herself and her life to see things from anyone else's perspective.

Don't get involved in her fights - it takes two to do it, withdraw gracefully.

jimmycrackcorm

Do make the effort to ask her again to come without uninviting the other person. If she persists with the same argument then tell her you are not making any choices and that she herself has to make a choice between family and her childish jealously. Force her to make the choice.

Tbh , as you have seven spare siblings, I'd not be too worried whether she turns up or not.

Rachelmhr

Ellsbells wrote: »

Let her off. she is a prima Donna who thrives on negative attention. Enjoy your hen and wedding and don't bow to her bullying.

This above... is what you need to do!