texting

LegacyUser

Hi all I just looking for a little advice here just got separated this year and back am on the dating scene,I just don't know what rules apply anymore.Met a real nice girl yesterday first date and afterwards through text we said we enjoyed each others company and will meet again.
My question is when should I text again and how often is appropiate without coming across as too anxious .l

HeyThereDeliah

No harm in texting to say hi and if she does not reply then she is not interested. She might be feeling the same as you and is unsure if she should text first. If one starts texting then it will be relaxed and ye can text away.

Ellsbells

Texting is fine for kids and to touch base but when its time to ask her out again make sure to call her.

It's not fair to say that texting is for kids, because I know a lot of "adults" that would much rather text than phone calls; everybody is different so such a vague assertion isn't necessarily correct.

My thing is I might text them later on in the day or the next day and tell them that I enjoyed myself with them and then at some point just ask them directly whether or not they like texting. It's much easier and you'll get your answer that way.

daisybelle2008

OP you will get a lot of oldskool people in RI who believe ringing/calling shows some sort of respect. Be wary of that advise. Times have completely changed and it is really unusual for people starting out dating to call each other. To be honest I would find it a bit weird and am much more comfortable texting someone I have recently met. I would feel 'on the spot' with the calling. These days people of most ages (my friends are all 30's) stick to texting. Tbh I would be inclined to ignore calls early on. It would feel a bit full on and old-fashioned.

Put it like this, in the 50's I am sure it was really nice to ask parents permission and bring flowers for dates but we would cringe at that nowadays. Phoning early on is becoming a bit cringy and old fashioned. That's not to say it is not done, but be aware not everyone feels the same about it as they did 15/20 years ago. Not everyone likes it!!

Do what you are comfortable with though. Just be objective about peoples opinion on it!

LegacyUser

well im in my mid thirties my self but out off the dating game 15 years what this about not answering texts for hours like being told that we got on well and looking forward to meeting up
and when planning the time and date not getting a reply for hours is this part of the game or just not being bothered.

Ellsbells

Thats why it's better to call when making arrangements.

curlzy

Hey OP,

If she's anything like me she just has alot on the go and doesn't check her phone constantly. It'll often take me a while to answer texts, not because I'm playing games or headf*cking someone but just because I really am busy or just haven't checked my phone in a while. Look you're only back into this so it's understandable that you might find everything a bit anxious and tense but just relax, if this one doesn't work out, the next one will, just relax and have fun and try not to over think and over analyse things. Remember everyone is different so there's absolutely no point in looking for "answers", what's correct for one woman i.e.'she's just not bothered' may be completely incorrect for another because 'she's actually just really busy'. If you follow me? Don't try to work out women as a whole because, quite simply, it's impossible. Same as it's impossible to work out men as a whole, people are all different.

Just have fun OP.

daisybelle2008

Texting is not as complicated as people make out. In general if people are very slow to respond or don't bother it is likely that they are not that interested. In fact it is a pretty good gauge of interest. Like Curlzy I am not clued to my phone, but I will respond text for text in a way that shows I am interested (even if it takes a few hours!)
If someone tells you they are too busy for texting you in that way, well then they might not that interested and may have too much on their plate for a relationship.

Texting only becomes complicated when we second guess or make excuses for someones lack of interest and enthusiasm. If I am interested in someone I will text them back and encourage any suggestions of meeting up. The key is to not leave it long to arrange a time and place for a date. When a guy texts random stuff and doesn't make a plan to meet up, get suss and lose interest. Just do this:
Text soon and set a time and place for next meeting, then let the text banter build and be casual until the next meeting. It is very easy. An awful lot of texting fizzles out, but that is because one party just was not that interested, just accept that and move on, you will save yourself a lot of hassle. It is not the end of the world.

Texting is just like real-life, for example if you are at a party and somebody is avoiding talking to you or are too busy to respond to you, they are not interested!! Next. And if somebody is avoiding texting you believe you me they don't want you ringing them. Don't make so many excuses for people not contacting you. A text takes seconds, if you are interested you will give interested responses in a fairly regular fashion. Don't torture yourself believing otherwise

sReq | uTeK

I always find trying to put a rule on something like dating and what to do just adds to the anxiety of the entire thing, especially if you're new to the scene again.

Honestly, txt her as often as YOU feel you'd like to, if she's into you as much as you're into her what harm can it do, if she's not then you'll find someone who is.

Best of luck with it.

Piliger

newstart1970 wrote: »

My question is when should I text again and how often is appropiate without coming across as too anxious .l

I have encountered a very very inconsistent response in people to texting.

I have found that mature people are either texters or not texters. Very few are in between. There are NO rules. And in my experience most of the ones who are texters still only like texts after a relationship gets going.

What you need to determine quickly is whether she is a texter or not and the only way to do that is to ask her in person. In my view also texting should be used sparingly, to exchange short factual info early in a relationship. There is WAY too much risk of misinterpretation of meaning and intent.