How do I get over this?

Itwasntme.

I met this guy about two months ago at a music festival. The attraction on my part was instant. We talked, we danced and had a great time. He was new in town so I walked him home and when we got to his place, he hugged me a little longer than necessary and said goodnight. I felt like there was a moment during the hug (yeah, it was that long) when it could have changed to something else but I wasn't ready to go there so I just hugged him back and walked back home.

We met up a couple of times after that and nothing happened really because I wasn't sure how he felt about me even though we flirted a lot. I found out on one of the nights out (by accident as he had neglected to mention it before) that he has a girlfriend. Since then, we've been to dinner (always with other people), drinks and evolved into really good friends in addition to being flat mates (he moved into our flat a couple of weeks after we first met).

The problem is, I still really really like him. We spend a lot of time together- we go to the gym together; spend evenings on the porch after work, arguing about stuff and being silly; stay up really late talking about family, life, work...basically everything.

I know I need to nip this in the bud before I end in a situation I will regret but I don't know how to stop it. He never talks about his gf. I try to bring her up in conversation but I can tell he doesn't like to talk about her. They've been together on and off for five years and this isn't the first time they are doing long distance. Once when we were talking about our career paths, he said that his relationship was secondary after I asked him why his gf did not feature more in his plans since it seemed that every decision he wanted to take took him further and further away from her. He then followed that with, 'Just because we've been together five years, it doesn't mean that we are impenetrable.' I still don't know what that means.

Anyway, I can't help how I feel but I know I would hate myself if I indulged myself and let something happen.

How do I get out of this? His room is right next to mine. I can't avoid him. Help.

Dravokivich

To me it seems that if you want to avoid him, the only option is for one of you to move out.

Itwasntme.

Dravokivich wrote: »

To me it seems that if you want to avoid him, the only option is for one of you to move out.

It's my flat. His contract in this city is until January with the possibility of extension. He doesn't know how I feel just as I don't know how he feels really. I could be reading it wrong. If I am not though, how would I suggest that he moves out because I don't want to leave my house. How would I even start that conversation?

WhyGoBald

I think you should discount him right now and stop analysing everything he says. He has a girlfriend but is obviously willing to cheat. Stop having intimate chats and start treating him like an ordinary flat mate. Despite what you think, you do have control over the situation.

Itwasntme.

WhyGoBald wrote: »

I think you should discount him right now and stop analysing everything he says. He has a girlfriend but is obviously willing to cheat. Stop having intimate chats and start treating him like an ordinary flat mate. Despite what you think, you do have control over the situation.

Thanks. I needed to hear a real person(if random people on the internet can be classed as such ) echo the currently very faint voice of reason in my head.

cork044

it all comes down to heart or head? which do u follow? You should start talking about some other man and make him think you are interested in someone else. You will know by his reaction if he has stronger feelings for you. In turn u will know how he feels about his girlfriend.

WhyGoBald

cork044 wrote: »

it all comes down to heart or head? which do u follow? You should start talking about some other man and make him think you are interested in someone else. You will know by his reaction if he has stronger feelings for you. In turn u will know how he feels about his girlfriend.

No, it is quite clear that he has no intention of leaving his girlfriend but seems to have every intention of cheating. If he wants to leave his girlfriend, he knows what to do. The OP has to distance herself from a potential disaster, not play games.

Loughc

Is it just me or does this guy sound like he's not a great BF, the way he talks (or lack of talk) about his GF wouldn't inspire you.

This guy may seem great but if ye did get together do you really think he could be a good BF also the fact that he has a GF may seem like he's using you to make himself feel like he's still got it (the thrill of the hunt).

I could be wrong but that's how I saw it from your OP.

I'd stay clear if I was you! Hope this helps and sorry if it doesn't!

Merkin

Yep, he sounds like a bit of a douche nozzle to be honest. He's blatantly flirting and leading the OP on while still holding down a relationship with the poor cow he's been going out with for five years. Cut him loose OP.

Itwasntme.

It seems my problem has been solved. I found out today that I am moving back to Dublin in two weeks for the next year so by the time I get back he won't be here. Would you believe I actively considered differing the move to Dublin to next year just because I didn't want to be away from him?! Craziness.

Ellsbells

That would be crazy. Make the move and forget him unless he comes to you single.