lack of relationships!

rustopher

Why am I still single in my mid thirtys...wtf am i doing wrong?? i go out every wend but fed up of never meeting anyone except random chat from guys i would never date! What needs to change??? do i need to move? join clubs, change my image, go abroad??? pls give some advice or is this it for the rest of my days?? i find i am snappy, impatient and moody lately because of it... not when i'm out meeting people but in general.I have plenty of friends so i know i'm not weird... help!!!??

tinkerbell

Well generally people don't meet a person they want to get into a relationship with on a night out in a club, so that could be your problem. Are you a member of any clubs?

Buncha Fives

OP: I think a lot of it comes down to luck and being in the right place at the right time. Do you get asked out on many dates? When you say you wouldn't date a lot of the guys you chat to, is this based on personality or appearance?

From a mans perspective I often find that it can be hard to chat up women in bars/clubs etc. because the music is loud and its very hard to get a flow on conversation.

rustopher

well, maybe not enough clubs but most friends met their partners in clubs/bars but back in college days mostly. i am doing a course which will take me to another city every odd wend so i am hoping to make the most of it and go out with the group more then. Not sure what clubs i should join? not very competitive. I just go to the gym every day at the most. I have thought about tennis but i would need to go with someone first to begin with so someone would return the ball to me!!

Its harder as get older i guess, just took it for granted i would be settled with one or two little ones by now....

guys who ask for my number, well i dunno...just not my type, annoying, boring , drunk. I have given some a chance but this just confirmed my suspicions!!!!

a fat guy

rustopher wrote: »

well, maybe not enough clubs but most friends met their partners in clubs/bars but back in college days mostly. i am doing a course which will take me to another city every odd wend so i am hoping to make the most of it and go out with the group more then. Not sure what clubs i should join? not very competitive. I just go to the gym every day at the most. I have thought about tennis but i would need to go with someone first to begin with so someone would return the ball to me!!

Its harder as get older i guess, just took it for granted i would be settled with one or two little ones by now....

Let me guess... You meet your lifelong partner at 25 and were meant to get married to them by 30 too?

Ha, I do the same thing! We need to realise that life is not as clear cut as that and tends to not follow plans where others are involved... Just relax and you'll find the right one.

rustopher

yeah but i think i've been too relaxed for a while. But hey at least i'm not the only one i suppose. hopefully some day i WILL be in the right place at the right time....sooner rather than later:cool:

Meauldsegosha

Ask your friends if they have any single brothers/cousins, mates, work colleagues they could set you up with.

LegacyUser

Just a suggestion, but tag rugby is a great way to meet people (I am not affiliated with any particular group!) but I took it up after breaking up with my long term ex and wanting to get out there... worked for me!
You can join as a single person, well through the ITRA website, its played all over the country and to be honest, doesnt require a huge amount of physical ability (I'm not very sporty) if you play a social level!
There is a great social aspect to it, and because its a mixed sport, its a good way to mix without alcohol and get to know people! Pretty much 1/3 of my team are in tag couples now!


Best of luck,

Piliger

Hi OP. You talk about going out every weekend but if you're going to places where the wrong kind of guys go ... then you are wasting your time basically. You need think about what kind of guys you WANT to meet and start going to places where THEY go.
As you say you have plenty of friends so that's not an issue. Getting frustrated and moody won't help by the way ... anyone you meet will feel that and your anxiety is not doing you any favours.
Myself I always found that when I was at my most relaxed and wasn't even looking .. that was when I would meet someone.

So maybe change the places you go to .. and tell yourself you're taking time out from the 'hunt' .. and see what happens.

rustopher

i had tag rugby in mind, i missed out on that now as is a summer event i think but i did join a friend to the last night they had together after finishing the games. i think i've met most of my friends relations, friends etc, even dated some but thats it. if they knew others they would prob let me know.

ok so i will change places i go to as well as joining or taking up something different. i just have to decide what that is

Thanks everyone for advice:D

dannyc31

Einstein once said the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.

its clear you are not meeting the right type of guys in the bars/clubs so stop comparing yourself to what your friends did and forget about meeting a match this way.

also i dont really agree with getting friends or family to fix you up with someone you know, theres a whole world out there so why limit your options to your immediate circle.

the other thing is the best thing you should do right now is stop looking. you're putting too much pressure on yourself to meet someone fast which is re-enforcing the anxiety and actually would be picked up by any potential partner if he managed to come along and may cause him to run a mile.

just relax, believe that life has a plan for you and enjoy the things that make you happy as a person. a loving partner should not be someone who comes along and is the solution to all your problems or so that your life is no longer miserable, this is the wrong reason for meeting someone. find out what it is that makes you happy and then when you are relaxed & content with yourself someone may very well come along when you least expect it.

lastly, do join new clubs hobbies & sports you might come across something that you really enjoy and it becomes a passion and may result in you meeting someone like minded.

best of luck.

rustopher

good post dannyc, i will take note of that, that is good advice, thanks!!!!!!!!!:D

dannyc31

you're more than welcome