Is it me??

username88

Hi all,

I'm new to this and still trying to figure out how the whole thing works but I'd really appreciate any sort of advice/help. I'll keep it short, basically my love life has been one disaster after another, my longest relationship has been a year but was just constant bickering and him never showing any huge interest in me...lately i had been seeing this guy for a few weeks and we spent alot of time together and had slept together, he moved away for work but we kept in touch until all of a sudden he decided not to contact me again...i did text him but after a message or two he decided not to text back and that's the last i heard from him...i don't feel i did anything to make him run for the hills and had been very casual about the whole thing as usually I get ahead of myself at the start of relationships and end up being disappointed. Friends of mine have said that I slept with him too soon but at the time it felt right as we were getting on really well and I thought it was going places. Any advice would be hugely helpful as at this point im just really confused! Thanks

flowerchild

It is helpful to behave as though it is you, because that is where you have most control, to change.

What result do you want? Do you really want a long term monogamous relationship with one person, sticking together through thick and thin?

I would start there, and then think through if that's what you want, what prevents you getting that result, right now?

Piliger

Hi OP.

It is really really hard to know if this has anything at all to do with you or is just a string of bad luck. A year is not a short relationship by the way. If you get to a year, you can make it to any length of time imho. And I don't buy the slept too soon thing.

What makes you think it is more than bad luck ? Are you worried about any particular aspect of your personality ? Have you been told things about yourself that worry you ?

username88

First of all thanks for yer replies iv been thinking about the whole thing since i posted and I think its best just to move on and forget about him (took the big plunge and deleted his number!)

Flowerchild i definitely do want a long term relationship but I know myself I do and think alot of things that makes me hold myself back. For instance anytime I meet someone and they show interest I do tend to just think "why me?" and that there must be some sort of a catch. I put more energy into thinking about how he could do so much better than me than actually investing in the relationship. I'm not sure why I'm like this, I don't think I was ever told anything in particular that made me feel like this but it's definitely always been part of me.

I think piliger maybe your right I think it's been a bitta bad luck but as well as that me doubting and questioning a lot of things, I just dont really know how to not make myself react that way when someone new comes along!

Piliger

username88 wrote: »

I think piliger maybe your right I think it's been a bitta bad luck but as well as that me doubting and questioning a lot of things, I just dont really know how to not make myself react that way when someone new comes along!

It starts with being aware of what you are doing, whatever it is. Knowledge is power.

flowerchild

username88 wrote: »

First of all thanks for yer replies iv been thinking about the whole thing since i posted and I think its best just to move on and forget about him (took the big plunge and deleted his number!)

Flowerchild i definitely do want a long term relationship but I know myself I do and think alot of things that makes me hold myself back. For instance anytime I meet someone and they show interest I do tend to just think "why me?" and that there must be some sort of a catch. I put more energy into thinking about how he could do so much better than me than actually investing in the relationship.

What would happen if in your next relationship you simply focused on the other person, getting to know them and working out how to make them a raving fan. A noble goal!!

If you find yourslef in your own head questioning why they would want you etc, just do a pattern interrupt like a buzz sound or an internal STOP!! and focus back on her.

Maybe just play with it. It couldn't hurt.

jimmycrackcorm

Op, I wonder what age you are. I'll have a guess that perhaps you are in your early to mid twenties and your expectations are too high for this time in your life.

However if you are much older then I think you need to look at any common factors that are preventing your relationships from developing.