coping with work & illness

lmahoney79

First off, not looking for any medical advice just wondered if anyone else had same situation. I am in process of long recovery after back surgery. My partner is at home off work now as we have 1 year old to look after. My partner starting to get worried and anxious now that he's off work nearly 4 weeks now. But I can't look after the baby and he needs to go back to work......how do we deal with this, has anyone else had a similar problem?

tinkerbell

Kind of stating the obvious, but can you not put the child into a creche or get a child minder?

lmahoney79

I would if we could afford it but we only have one wage coming in.

username123

Are you on sick pay from work yourself or social welfare or anything?

What about family or friends helping out? How long more is the recovery likely to take?

Im inclined to think you need to bite the bullet and fork out for a creche if there are no other options.

Jenneke87

Are there no friends/family that can help around for a while. Could you get someone proffessional to help around the house or with the baby?

lmahoney79

Not on any benefits, family can only help out one or two days a week for few hours. The main thing is that I can't pick baby up until about 8-12 weeks post-op. I'm only 4 weeks gone.

Daisy M

Are you entitled to claim disability allowance/benefit. You say you can't afford a creche but can you afford to be without a wage? What about an aupair but this would be for a longer term than you mention.

lmahoney79

Was actually just looking up about applying for Carer's Allowance, so may apply for that and see what happens. But I think partner has to basically go part time with work to get it and not sure if boss will like that! Will see.

edellc

OP I feel your stress, crèche's, au pairs, childminders cost money that you dont have, and being in a somewhat similar situation if I was to pay for one of the above then I couldnt pay the rent and would be living in a card board box outside so biting the bullet just isnt going to work I understand that.

so I think you need to get in touch with family and let them know just how much you need assistance, a few hours a week is all well and good but this is a short term bind you are in and isnt that what family are suppose to be there for, also let your friends and neighbours be aware of the current situation and see if they can help

how is baby with walking at present even walking holding your hand?, as if you do end up having to take care of baby alone your going to have to be creative, instead of carrying baby down the stairs make a game of bumping very gently down them, any meals instead of high chairs which you need to pick baby up have a "picnic" on the floor, change nappies on the floor, make sure you have everything you need for the day down stairs the night before when hubby is there so no need to be going up and down, leave off baths etc until hubby is home...if during the day if baby needs a cuddle sit on the floor and they can be in your arms, your not picking baby up as such just sitting baby on your lap on the floor and giving cuddles...it will be a long few weeks with a lot of organisation each night so no dramas during the day but it can be done although everything will take longer

best of luck with it all op x

Daisy M

I think you should look into everything, every penny counts. You may be entitled to family income support if your husbands wages are low. Go to the social welfare office asap because if you are entitled to any disability allowance be it means tested or not it will only start from the day you claim.

lmahoney79

edellc wrote: »

OP I feel your stress, crèche's, au pairs, childminders cost money that you dont have, and being in a somewhat similar situation if I was to pay for one of the above then I couldnt pay the rent and would be living in a card board box outside so biting the bullet just isnt going to work I understand that.

so I think you need to get in touch with family and let them know just how much you need assistance, a few hours a week is all well and good but this is a short term bind you are in and isnt that what family are suppose to be there for, also let your friends and neighbours be aware of the current situation and see if they can help

how is baby with walking at present even walking holding your hand?, as if you do end up having to take care of baby alone your going to have to be creative, instead of carrying baby down the stairs make a game of bumping very gently down them, any meals instead of high chairs which you need to pick baby up have a "picnic" on the floor, change nappies on the floor, make sure you have everything you need for the day down stairs the night before when hubby is there so no need to be going up and down, leave off baths etc until hubby is home...if during the day if baby needs a cuddle sit on the floor and they can be in your arms, your not picking baby up as such just sitting baby on your lap on the floor and giving cuddles...it will be a long few weeks with a lot of organisation each night so no dramas during the day but it can be done although everything will take longer

best of luck with it all op x

Unfortunately at the moment I can't even bend over enough to change and dress him, still to much pressure on my spine. Looks like we would have even less money if partner went part time with carers allowance. Good ideas though about trying to plan everything out. He not walking on his own yet, still holding onto the furniture to move around so needs lifting in out of chair, pram, cot etc. My other half has an 18 year old daughter who he is considering paying part time to be our au pair for a bit!

jimmycrackcorm

Op, haven't you got two sets of grandparents? Send your child off to them until you are better. It's not that long ago that the extended family was depended for issues like this.

lmahoney79

jimmycrackcorm wrote: »

Op, haven't you got two sets of grandparents? Send your child off to them until you are better. It's not that long ago that the extended family was depended for issues like this.

No I don't, my partners parents live in Northern Ireland and only my Dad left down here and he's in in 70's.

Ellsbells

Can one of them not come to stay with you gor a few days at a time to help out?

Was this a sudden operation? If not, why did you not plan this in advance?

edellc

As you dont have any of your parents around and those you do are of an age they cannot look after your one year old, i think your only option is to pay your babys older half sister to help out, if she is free....

I like you have no family immediate or extended around me nor does my OH its just us and baby and when things go wrong and a third person is needed to help its very hard as we just dont have that, nor do we have the financial means to pay someone

so although it is easy to put everyone into a nice tidy box life just isnt like that and there are those of us who are islands floating around this world who would love to be continents but thats just not the way it worked out

hopefully your step daughter can help out and you start to feel better soon OP and although it feels like this drama will never be over it will be soon enough and you will be on to the next one (with a one year old there will be lots of dramas) as they say whatever doesnt kill you will make you stronger and although this is a hard time for you, you will learn from it and if and when (fingers crossed it never happens again) you ever find yourself in need of a third person again you will be prepared.

lmahoney79

Ellsbells wrote: »

Can one of them not come to stay with you gor a few days at a time to help out?

Was this a sudden operation? If not, why did you not plan this in advance?

Yes it was very sudden, I went to see my consultant and he admitted me into hospital there and then.

lmahoney79

edellc wrote: »

As you dont have any of your parents around and those you do are of an age they cannot look after your one year old, i think your only option is to pay your babys older half sister to help out, if she is free....

I like you have no family immediate or extended around me nor does my OH its just us and baby and when things go wrong and a third person is needed to help its very hard as we just dont have that, nor do we have the financial means to pay someone

so although it is easy to put everyone into a nice tidy box life just isnt like that and there are those of us who are islands floating around this world who would love to be continents but thats just not the way it worked out

hopefully your step daughter can help out and you start to feel better soon OP and although it feels like this drama will never be over it will be soon enough and you will be on to the next one (with a one year old there will be lots of dramas) as they say whatever doesnt kill you will make you stronger and although this is a hard time for you, you will learn from it and if and when (fingers crossed it never happens again) you ever find yourself in need of a third person again you will be prepared.

Thank you for your understanding.....

username123

Would it be worth contacting the local public health nurse and explaining the situation and finding out if there is anything available?

I know when my mother was in a wheelchair after a stroke the public health nurse was able to organise a myriad of amazing stuff for free including respite care - it could be worth a phonecall.

Another option is the CWO in the local social welfare office - explain the situation, see can they provide you with any cash to pay for babysitting.

Maybe consider borrowing the cost of babysitting/creche to get you through the next 8 weeks if that is within your means to do so?

I feel sure the public health nurse is the way to go, there must be some way of helping people who suddenly find themselves unable to care for a child due to illness or surgery?

lmahoney79

username123 wrote: »

Would it be worth contacting the local public health nurse and explaining the situation and finding out if there is anything available?

I know when my mother was in a wheelchair after a stroke the public health nurse was able to organise a myriad of amazing stuff for free including respite care - it could be worth a phonecall.

Another option is the CWO in the local social welfare office - explain the situation, see can they provide you with any cash to pay for babysitting.

Maybe consider borrowing the cost of babysitting/creche to get you through the next 8 weeks if that is within your means to do so?

I feel sure the public health nurse is the way to go, there must be some way of helping people who suddenly find themselves unable to care for a child due to illness or surgery?

Yeah maybe I will call. I was speaking to public health nurse when I got out of hospital but was more how to deal with babys upset routine, she didn't mention anything else at the time.

username123

lmahoney79 wrote: »

Yeah maybe I will call. I was speaking to public health nurse when I got out of hospital but was more how to deal with babys upset routine, she didn't mention anything else at the time.

Definitely do, theyre supposed to be keeping an eye on babies in the community anyway, so ask her directly if there is anything she can do for you - she can only say no!