What the hell is wrong with me?

LegacyUser

Hi,

I could really do with some feedback, not sure what's going on in my brain right now.

I'm a mid 20s woman living abroad for the last few years. Recently met a guy (also Irish) at a house party and we've been dating for a little over a month.

Before that I had dated a lot, nothing really went passed say a third or fourth date, had a few ONS, the odd friends-with-benefits thing, but with this guy it felt immediately different. I was sure from the start I liked the guy, definite attraction and he's also a lovely guy, really kind, respectful, interested in what I had to say etc. It started slow and he's never immediately pressed for the physical stuff like most other guys, more about getting to know each other first etc which was refreshing.

About a week ago I ended up at another house party where one of his friends asked me out. He didn't know I was seeing his friend so it was a little awkward when I told him, he sort of freaked out and apologized and that was that.

Since then I can't stop thinking about this guy. I don't know what's wrong with me. We only spoke briefly at the party but there was a lot of eye contact, a definite attraction and under any other circumstances I would've said yes.

I even came home and immediately tried to find him on facebook (no luck thankfully) and I can't stop comparing him to the guy I'm seeing and thinking 'would we have more in common? Is the attraction stronger? Should I have said yes?'

My problem is, I don't know if it's this guy specifically, or if it's me. Until I started seeing my guy, I'd been single forever. No real relationship history, it just never happened for me, although I do get a lot of male attention and would get asked out quite a bit.

I don't know if through all my single years I just got used to doing what I like with whichever guy I wanted (which makes me sound like a man-eater - far from the case), or if I'm a committmentphobe and using this guy's friend as an excuse to not throw myself into this relationship, or what's going on.

I do really like the guy I'm seeing and there's a definite attraction and the sex is great. But there's something holding me back & I'm afraid I'm going to kill this soon if I don't cop on.

What should I do? Anyone ever been in a similar situation?

ash23

Not a similar situation as such. But I know that both myself and a few of my close friends who were single for a long time, found it hard to adjust to being in a relationship again.

One close friend who had been single for a decade, was so used to being on the lookout for eligible men that she found it very hard to switch that off when she began dating someone. She even had a few kisses with a couple of guys at the very start and blew hot and cold with the guy she was with. However, he grew tired of her behavior and she almost lost her relationship. They worked it out, she copped herself on and they are married now.

Myself, it's not that I am on the lookout. I was never really like that. But I've been seeing someone and sometimes when I'm out with the girls, I revert to "single" mode. I've not cheated, I never would. But I nearly forget that I'm with someone. I dance emphatically to "all the single ladies" and make jokes about being single. I group myself together with the singles. It's just habit. being single was part of who I was for a long time and it's an adjustment to being part of a couple.


As for what you should do? I don't know. When you talk about the guy you're seeing, it seems to be about sex and attraction. Do you think that is the basis of your relationship with him? Do you guys have things in common? Do you spend time together and not have sex? How does that go?
Maybe the new guy showing interest in you is just highlighting what is lacking from your current relationship or making you think about the other things you want from a relationship.
Is it possible that you feel you settled for this guy because of being single for so long? Is the relationship lacking?
You're the only one who can answer that.