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Husband traumatised by birth

  • 03-09-2012 7:42pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi there,

    I don't know if this should be here or in PI, but I'll try here. We have an 13 week old baby. Had a vaginal birth, with a few complications. Had to have an induction, it was a very painful back labour with an epidural, tear, episiotomy and other interventions as baby got stuck. My husband was great all the way through. But since then he has talked about what he actually SAW and it wasn't pretty. He's even mentioned PTSD. He has no interest in sex and avoids questions about when we can try sex again. He doesn't have a very strong sex drive anytime, but this seems to have ruined it. Also 'down below' is not looking the same as it did before, although I've had it checked by doctors who say it's normal considering, and that's off putting for him. None of this is pleasant for me either of course. Due to our age, if we have any hope of having another child we should try in the next year. I'm worried that won't happen. Has anyone been through this? Any ideas?


Comments

  • #2
    wmpdd3
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,625 ✭✭✭wmpdd3


    13 weeks is a long time to still be dealing with what he saw, in my opinion. I know what you went through is really one of everything you'd prefer not to happen.

    Do you think he was prepared before hand, was he actively preparing for the baby or just along for the ride?

    My other half switched off when I tried to talk him through my birth plan but when it came to it he relyed on me to know what was happening.

    Would he go see a counsilor? I think you will have to insist. It is possible for men to have post natal depression too.

    I hope you are getting the support from somewhere else. In contrast 13 weeks is very soon for you to be over what happened to you.

    I found it very hard to accept my body after baby no 1 and I didnt have as many interventions.


  • #3
    bstar
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 234 ✭✭bstar


    I just discussed this with my husband as i had a similar birth, 3rd degree tear and forceps, with the cord round babies neck. He said that it wasn't pretty but that he kinda forgot about it. He seems more freaked out by the babies head popping into shape when it comes out, but my husband was well prepared for it as we had discussed it and I'd made him watch one born every minute.

    See if he will go and talk to someone about it because after this time he should be starting to think of it as a distant memory and not reliving it in is head as that will prolong the issue I would think?

    Are you ok after it? I think its easier for a woman as you kinda go- I dont mind what happened to me, as I got this little baby out safe. You may need to remind him that you will need to try again soon if you want to expand your family. Also it will hurt the first few times you have sex so you'll need to edge into it gently- just to warn you. :o (lube helps):o


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