Advice Needed please!

Anna32

Hi all, I have actually registered here just so I can post this as need some advice. I am a woman in my early 30's settled down with my other half(a man) since I was a teenager and we have kids, house the whole lot.
Thing is a few weeks ago a very close friend (another woman)and I got drunk and ended up kissing and a bit more. I am suddenly wondering if I am bi-sexual. I dont really know what to think as I had never thought about this before it actually happened and I liked it. My friend and I have spoken about this since and both are ok with it and not at all as freaked out as I probably should be. What do ye think I need some advice.

carly_86

Anna32 wrote: »

Hi all, I have actually registered here just so I can post this as need some advice. I am a woman in my early 30's settled down with my other half(a man) since I was a teenager and we have kids, house the whole lot.
Thing is a few weeks ago a very close friend (another woman)and I got drunk and ended up kissing and a bit more. I am suddenly wondering if I am bi-sexual. I dont really know what to think as I had never thought about this before it actually happened and I liked it. My friend and I have spoken about this since and both are ok with it and not at all as freaked out as I probably should be. What do ye think I need some advice.

Have the best of both worlds and have a three some

Annasopra

carly_86 wrote: »

Have the best of both worlds and have a three some

:rolleyes:

Could we keep this thread to serious advice

carly_86

mango salsa wrote: »

carly_86 wrote: »

Have the best of both worlds and have a three some

:rolleyes:

Could we keep this thread to serious advice

Sorry bet you were thinking that 2

Moon Indigo

In my view its the feeling's that are the tell tale signs and this could be a good marker to use for yourself. If you put the cheating to one side for a moment there is the possibility that you are Bi or it could have been the drink. How you feel in retrospect is an excellent tell tale sign. If its something you want to do again or if you find feelings becoming involved then its time to sit down and have a serious re-evaluation and talk with yourself.

If it was just a drunken moment I would chalk it up to experience and look at why it happened. Could have been any number of things excitement, a change any number that only you will know.

What I would do is have a really good honest soul searching think and a talk with your friend. Don't let the friendship slide if possible and don't go beating yourself up. It happened so the next step is in your control.

Hope it all works out

Anna32

Thanks for the advice. I am beating myself up more about the cheating but I dont need advice on that side of things - regardless man or woman it shouldnt have happened. However your right my feelings afterwards are a tell tale sign - I didnt think it was possible but I did like been with a woman which is a shock to say the least.
The friendship is pretty rock solid, we have talked about it and things are good with us although in my mind I couldn't let the same happen again as she's my best friend and i'd like to keep it that way.
If I'm honest it wasn't just the drink really I must have on some level thought about this as otherwise it would never have happened.
Ive thought about this and nothing else really since posting - the truth is I am Bi but have decided that exploring any feelings that I may have for women is not an option as I am with a lovely man for all my adult life, father of my children and my best friend.
Thanks again!

Annasopra

carly_86 wrote: »

Sorry bet you were thinking that 2

Nope - the thought never occurred to me and I would never give "advice" like that as I don't think it's a good idea.

Moon Indigo

Glad your feeling a bit better Some times it really helps to just put it down in black and white. Like I said it happened and now you can move on. It may not be as easy as you think to swallow the fact you are Bi and never again act on it but commendable that your family and marriage comes first. Clear your head and breath you have a good friend so use that friendship. No point in constantly beating yourself up because not only does it scream guilt but will make it harder in my view for you to get a clear head and move forward. Give it time and space.
Take care

Anna32

Thanks Moon Indigo. It all is a lot to take in but Im happy that I have made a decision on how to handle it and now can move on.

stephen_n

carly_86 wrote: »

Have the best of both worlds and have a three some

How about the worst of both worlds!

carly_86

stephen_n wrote: »

carly_86 wrote: »

Have the best of both worlds and have a three some

How about the worst of both worlds!

How would it be the worst if you bi

Annasopra

carly_86 wrote: »

How would it be the worst if you bi

I thought that was obvious. All 3 people might absolutely hate the idea of it. The OPs male partner might be particularly unhappy and decide to break up with her. She could end up losing her partner and also her friend!

stephen_n

carly_86 wrote: »

How would it be the worst if you bi

Because of people with attitudes like yours! Bi-sexuality means your attracted to both sexes, not having sex with both at once. It's attitudes like yours that make it so hard for bi people to find people, who will trust them in a relationship. That's the worst of both worlds!

floggg

While I realise that a threesome is certainly not for everybody, whether straight, gay or bi, it doesn't mean it couldn't be an option for the OP. Equally some form of open relationship could potentially work.

Whether it is or isn't is for her (and ultimately her husband if she thought it was a runner) to decide. It's the type if thing that needs eveybody to be comfortable with it, and clear communication, trust and boundaries.

Then again, jury because the OP is bisexual doesn't mean she needs to act upon it. If she was straight and in a monogamous relationship she would still feel attracted to other men but not act upon it. Equally the fact that she may be attracted to women doesn't mean she needs to act upon it.

Unless of course it's something the OP feels a particular need to explore further, in which case she needs to think long and hard before taking any big steps.

Annasopra

Anna32 wrote: »

Ive thought about this and nothing else really since posting - the truth is I am Bi but have decided that exploring any feelings that I may have for women is not an option as I am with a lovely man for all my adult life, father of my children and my best friend.
Thanks again!

If that's the right thing for you then thats great and it's really good that you are clear in your head thats what you want.

carly_86

stephen_n wrote: »

carly_86 wrote: »

How would it be the worst if you bi

Because of people with attitudes like yours! Bi-sexuality means your attracted to both sexes, not having sex with both at once. It's attitudes like yours that make it so hard for bi people to find people, who will trust them in a relationship. That's the worst of both worlds!

I never said i was bi

stephen_n

carly_86 wrote: »

I never said i was bi

When did I say you are? I would seriously doubt you are given the stereotypical BS you posted!

Anna32

Hi all
Thank you for all your feedback as each and every comment makes me think. When initially someone mentioned a threesome it actually had been the 1st time I had laughed for days infact I laughed so hard that their was tears running down my face. Also in reality that would be a serious turn off - my best friend my whole life, my partner and me - LOL. But the tears finially turned to me crying for quiet a while and then eventually I stopped and I made a decision that I need to put my children 1st and try to concentrate on the relationship i'm in.
I have no feelings for my friend other than shes my best friend but she has made me realise that im definitly Bi-sexual without a doubt even possibly at the moment at least from a sexual point of view favouring women over men. I only realised this when on the same day of my last post when i was so definite of my intention I went shopping and the lovely shop assistant a woman of about the same age and very good at her job, after a 1/2 hour of laughing together in a quiet shop I would have up to now thought she would be a nice friend - instead I was thinking something entirely different. Someone said earlier that this may be harder that I think and they are right but at the end of the day I still think if it was a man I can look but cant touch so same goes here I think, it maby just takes a bit of getting used to?

carly_86

Anna32 wrote: »

Hi all
Thank you for all your feedback as each and every comment makes me think. When initially someone mentioned a threesome it actually had been the 1st time I had laughed for days infact I laughed so hard that their was tears running down my face. Also in reality that would be a serious turn off - my best friend my whole life, my partner and me - LOL. But the tears finially turned to me crying for quiet a while and then eventually I stopped and I made a decision that I need to put my children 1st and try to concentrate on the relationship i'm in.
I have no feelings for my friend other than shes my best friend but she has made me realise that im definitly Bi-sexual without a doubt even possibly at the moment at least from a sexual point of view favouring women over men. I only realised this when on the same day of my last post when i was so definite of my intention I went shopping and the lovely shop assistant a woman of about the same age and very good at her job, after a 1/2 hour of laughing together in a quiet shop I would have up to now thought she would be a nice friend - instead I was thinking something entirely different. Someone said earlier that this may be harder that I think and they are right but at the end of the day I still think if it was a man I can look but cant touch so same goes here I think, it maby just takes a bit of getting used to?

A problem shared is a problem halfed so they say.