Dreaming of ex and weddings 3 months away

LegacyUser

I am getting Married in December- i am 27 and i met my fiance when i was 18.

Before my fiance i was with a guy 3 years from age 15- 18, it was on/off constantly, i was madly in love with him and he was a bit aloof about the whole thing. He only told me he loved me when we were in bed together . We were both the same age and just after my 18th birthday we broke up because he moved away- i was in an awful state.

Then 6 months later I met my Fiance, things progressed quite quick we got engaged after few months. He is an amazing man and Im a very lucky woman. 3 years into my relationship with my fiance my ex turned up out of the blue at my parents house looking for me. My dad rang me and i went up. He wanted to know was it true i was engaged etc. He started crying saying me loves me and to choose him,,, to marry him.

I got very angry and told him to get lost- that he did nothing but use me before and that i was happy now because i was with a man who knew how to treat me. He said if i didnt choose him he would leave and id never see him again, so i told him to leave.

I met his dad 6 months ago (lovely man- we always got on great) and he told me that he is in drug rehab.

Now after 9 years together our weddings 3 months away and this is the 3rd morning this week my ex has been in my dream. Im getting a bit concerned, i never think about him, i have not in a long time. Its very upsetting tbh because i dont want to see him and he pops up and twice the dreams been a repeat of him asking me to choose him.

Any advice would be great thanks

WhyGoBald

To be honest, it doesn't look like something you should be too concerned about. You have a huge change in your life coming up, and you are dealing with some issues with the past at the same time. Be easy on yourself, and don't worry too much about it.

Taltos

I agree with the last poster.
Right now you are dealing with so many things in relation to you upcoming wedding it is only natural that your brain will play these games on you.
One thing you could do is to look on the dreams as a reminder of the lucky escape you had... Just roll over and thank your stars that you met your fiancee...

When I get majorly stressed out I also dream of someone from my past - my only issue is my dreams are the hyper realistic ones so these can easily mess me up even more for days - which brings on more of the same... It was only when I realised this that I managed to break the cycle.

Congrats on the wedding - hope it all goes well for you.

Daisy M

Honestly don't read too much into it or worry about it too much that may only cause you to dream more.
Your moved on with your life and are beginning an entirely new phase, you have recently heard your ex is not in a good place and maybe without realising it you feel guilty or worried for him.
You sound very happy don't let this cast a shadown on your upcoming marriage.

LegacyUser

I dream of exes a lot.

I find it is just when people mention them or situations that remind me of them that they pop into dreams. It just means they are in your thoughts. I've also dreamt of dead people, friends, situations.

I don't think it is anything to be worried about - you made your choice!

Moonbeam

I think it is perfectly normal tbh.
You are going through all the what ifs in your head before your big day:)

LegacyUser

I'm just going to throw this out there... but maybe you should go and visit him. Use the fact that you heard he wasn't well as a pretext. Talk about the past and get some closure. You were both very young, most teenagers are unprepared for proper relationships. Do you think your fiance would be okay with it if you went to see this guy because you shouldn't do it behind his back.

shalalala

closure777 wrote: »

I'm just going to throw this out there... but maybe you should go and visit him. Use the fact that you heard he wasn't well as a pretext. Talk about the past and get some closure. You were both very young, most teenagers are unprepared for proper relationships. Do you think your fiance would be okay with it if you went to see this guy because you shouldn't do it behind his back.

+ 1 on this. I find that people that need my help or are in trouble tend to be in my dreams. If your fiancé is okay with it (I don't feel like you have any feelings for him anymore) maybe you should go and see how he is. It seems that he went through a tough time. He might need a friend.

Congrats on the wedding! I am sure you will be very happy x

WhyGoBald

I don't know that I'd agree with that. I don't think the OP's dream necessarily means that she needs closure, and with the wedding 3 months away I'm not sure she needs the hassle. The wedding over, I think she could see how she feels. Just my take.

Ellsbells

I don't think either of them need the visit tbh. Op are you having second thoughts at all?

Big Bag of Chips

Weddings can be a stressful time. You have so much going on, and so many things being juggled and planned that crazy dreams are inevitable, I think.

I know 2 months before I got married I had a dream that a woman I worked with told me I was 5 months pregnant - my first thought ( in the dream ) was "what about my dress" - the second though was "how do YOU know"?!

I dreamt about exes, I dreamt about being pregnant, I dreamt about my husband to be's exes! It's just something that's there in the back of your subconscious - but it shouldn't mean anything more than that to you.

HeyThereDeliah

It's just your mind playing tricks with you don't worry about it. You have lots going on with planning the wedding and you are probably a little stressed out.
There is nothing wrong with going to see him if you want and you could find that will be the end of the dreams.

davet82

closure777 wrote: »

I'm just going to throw this out there... but maybe you should go and visit him. Use the fact that you heard he wasn't well as a pretext. Talk about the past and get some closure. You were both very young, most teenagers are unprepared for proper relationships. Do you think your fiance would be okay with it if you went to see this guy because you shouldn't do it behind his back.

Why would she visit him? I can't see anything to be gained from that except alot of old feeling being dragged up and a worried OH. When he turned up and said that she will never see him again and the relationship was finished should be closure enough I would have thought?

Defiler Of The Coffin

closure777 wrote: »

I'm just going to throw this out there... but maybe you should go and visit him. Use the fact that you heard he wasn't well as a pretext. Talk about the past and get some closure. You were both very young, most teenagers are unprepared for proper relationships. Do you think your fiance would be okay with it if you went to see this guy because you shouldn't do it behind his back.

Do not do this.

OP, the brain is far from being completely understood. We can have the craziest dreams that have no bearing in real life at all. Say for example you dreamed about being abducted by aliens, does that mean you suddenly need to worry that an invasion is imminent? Of course not. Just because you dreamed about your ex it doesn't mean there is any substance behind it at all. Forget about him and enjoy your wedding! This idea of closure is pure Hollywood nonsense

Smidge

I think the important thing here OP is not how you feel about your ex but how you feel about your future husband?

I think another poster made mention of "any doubts"?

Do you have any doubts,OP?

jimbo79

gmismndoe wrote: »

I am getting Married in December- i am 27 and i met my fiance when i was 18.

Before my fiance i was with a guy 3 years from age 15- 18, it was on/off constantly, i was madly in love with him and he was a bit aloof about the whole thing. He only told me he loved me when we were in bed together . We were both the same age and just after my 18th birthday we broke up because he moved away- i was in an awful state.

Then 6 months later I met my Fiance, things progressed quite quick we got engaged after few months. He is an amazing man and Im a very lucky woman. 3 years into my relationship with my fiance my ex turned up out of the blue at my parents house looking for me. My dad rang me and i went up. He wanted to know was it true i was engaged etc. He started crying saying me loves me and to choose him,,, to marry him.

I got very angry and told him to get lost- that he did nothing but use me before and that i was happy now because i was with a man who knew how to treat me. He said if i didnt choose him he would leave and id never see him again, so i told him to leave.

I met his dad 6 months ago (lovely man- we always got on great) and he told me that he is in drug rehab.

Now after 9 years together our weddings 3 months away and this is the 3rd morning this week my ex has been in my dream. Im getting a bit concerned, i never think about him, i have not in a long time. Its very upsetting tbh because i dont want to see him and he pops up and twice the dreams been a repeat of him asking me to choose him.

Any advice would be great thanks

he is obviously on your mind so it's only natural that you may dream about him, dreams are complex though and not to be taken literally his presence there may just be a part of yourself that is like him if you get me.

i have occasionally had dreams about an ex of mine not nice ones either but they pass, i would not advise going to see him, that would only complicate things