Does getting back together ever really work?

LegacyUser

Hi,

Just looking for some opinions on this one. I broke up with a girl about a year ago and it ended badly. We were together for 4 years and had problems about 2 years in. I loved her, she loved me, we found it hard to live together. Since breaking up with her, I have tried to go out with 4 other girls. But there has been no buzz there. Even the thoughts of sex with another girl was putting me off, so I steered clear of anything apart from kissing.

I got a text from my ex 2 weeks ago telling me she missed me. We swapped texts saying we hoped all was ok etc in each other’s lives. But I can’t stop thinking about her since. I’m just a second from picking up the phone & texting to know if she would like to meet.

Has anyone here ever got back with someone, even when your family & friends thought it was a bad idea, and it worked out? I know I still love her, but I’m afraid it would go back to how it was. I do know I’ve matured a lot in the last 12 months and some of the mistakes I made would not happen again. I am a little confused about it but there’s always good advice given out here.

Thanks, RVP guest.

WhyGoBald

It really depends on why you broke up in the first place. If you got back together you would have to be really honest with yourself and with each other about what went wrong and the problems in the relationship. If you don't deal with it, you'll just repeat history and the breakup will be worse the second time around.

decmanning

Its a tough one, nothing worse than getting back with someone and realising things are still the exact same since you broke up, as the above poster said you both need to be really honest with each other and deal with the issues that ended the relationship, my own personal experience is that i got back with a girl after being broken up for 9 months but it ended fairly quick again as you generally realise early on if things have changed or not, you said yourself that you have matured, something i didnt do in the 9 months we were broken up so i think thats a good sign and also a sign that things may be different this time

LegacyUser

Yea, maturity is definitely an issue. Like one thing she said when we parted was that she did all the cooking. I just said to myself that I was a useless cook, so when she finished work I'd get her a take away or I'd try to cook something, but it was never a good effort. Since being apart I've sorted that out & am able to put together something decent.

On her side I found sometimes she was angry at me & I have no idea why. Small things that other lads would do, if I did them I'd be killed. Her texts so far all said she missed me but nothing hinted at change. When we broke up she told me she never wanted to change, she was happy with who she was. I had changed everything to be with her. Now I am finished changing, I did enough of it & am happy with who I am.

The thing is though I am single and as soon as she sent me a text she was on my mind constantly.

ultra_other

Hi OP,
This is a tough one.
Me I have been on both sides of this.
Broke up with a girl and spent a bit of time as "friends" and got back togeather and broke up again.
The second person we broke up, knew 6 months later it was the worst thing that happen, meet her again now she is my wife.
What was the difference,
Firstly I was younger and we never sorted out what was the issues with our relationship
Second I knew there was issues and sorted them out.

It is very easy to slip back into a relationship with an Ex, you and her know both know what it is like to be with each other, know how to make each other feel comfortable and do the enjoyable parts of a relationship.
You need to find out what were the issues that caused brake-up in the first place and you both have to discuss them and see what can devlope from there.

Skuxx

It can work, Ive been there, but as others have said you need to be honest about why it didn't work the first time around!!

Myself and my misses started going out when we were both 19, and for both of us it was our first proper relationship.
I had know her a while as she worked in the local shop, and I fancied her like crazy, so when we finally started going out, I thought I had won the lottery and wanted to spend every hour of every day with her!

Soon enough she started to feel a bit claustrophobic and ended it!!
I knew why straight away....
Anyway after a few months apart we starting chatting again, I did my best to give her some space and eventually we got back together!!
2 years later, lessons learned and still going strong!!!

Piliger

RVPguest wrote: »

Has anyone here ever got back with someone, even when your family & friends thought it was a bad idea, and it worked out? I know I still love her, but I’m afraid it would go back to how it was. I do know I’ve matured a lot in the last 12 months and some of the mistakes I made would not happen again. I am a little confused about it but there’s always good advice given out here.
.

Hi OP. You can never go back, and never want to. But you can go forward with the same person for a second try. Of course ! Why not ? It hasn't happened to me but has for two friends of mine.

What matters though is whether you both know the reason for the first break up and whether you both feel that the reasons no longer apply.

And yes it may well go bad again. There's no guarantees in life.

But which is worse .... trying at least to explore the possibility again and failing, or never trying and regretting it for the rest of your life and wondering wondering wondering ?

LegacyUser

Thank you all so much for the replies.

I need to clarify. I am in my mid 30's. We broke up before because when we tried to live together we had problems. 2 years ago I asked her for a break. I had become stressed to the max and to be fair she understood it was her who helped cause some of this stress. We never had that break I wanted. Now we have.

The only reason I haven't tried to meet her etc this time is I told a few friends & family how bad it got. The rows got really bad. Things were said on both sides that were not meant but which hurt so much. I hold my hand up and admit I was as bad in this respect. After a year of a break, I am now different. I know as sometimes with lads I play sport with etc I'd be a bit short tempered with them but I can't remember the last thing that made me angry, absolutely nothing in 8-9 months. A number of people have said it to me, I am way more calm. But when my friends know things that were said, my family too, I'd be totally scared of their reaction if we gave it a go. They'd all be disappointed in me.

I don't know if she has changed but I sense she has in some respect. Her texts seem calm and relaxed too. I was so shocked to hear from her at first that is took me a week to reply. When I did, I stressed that 2 people who were meant to love each other should not row like we did. She just replied that she did love me and she left it at that. A few other texts were swapped since basically saying how we broke each other's hearts.

She is the most attractive girl I've ever been with & being with her just gave me the buzz of my life. Nobody has come close since.

I'm confused. All of my mates are settled down & I can't with anyone else and now this girl is in my mind all the time.