I Like My Best Friend

LegacyUser

im really confused as to what to do. I have a friend. We have known each other for nearly 12 years and have been really close for the last 6 years. We were friends all through college and then after. And were roommates for a year and a half 4 years ago.

This year we decided to go on holidays together to Canada in July and on the holiday I started to develop feelings for him. I tried to ignore them and brush them off saying to myself I was being silly, that it was probably cos we spent 2 weeks solid together but since we got home they have been getting stronger and stronger to the point where I couldnt deny it anymore.

We have always had a play flirty relationship. That is how we have worked. But since we have got home they have been alot more flirty and we have been spending alot of time together (from once every 3 weeks to about 2-3 times a week) and are in contact most days.

I just dont know should I tell him? Im not sure if he feels the same. Like I said we have always been a small bit flirty in our friendship and even tho this has upped alot in the past month im very confused as to whether its more or im imagining it.

As you can imagine, I cant just tell him. I know him so long and the last thing I want to do is jeopordise our friendship. Has anyone ever been in this situation??? HELP!! My head is melted from all this!!!

Ellsbells

Get him drunk and jump him?

No seriously, it's gone beyond friendship so you have to make a move or else shelve it cos the longer nothing happens for the more chance there is that he meets someone else.

Gooner111

lol Ellsbells get him drunk and jump him. Could work

Given he is spending so much time with you I'd think it is a good sign. He could be feeling the exact same way as you do now and have the same reasons for holding back. But you won't know until you try. It will be hard to make your move but if you don't someone else might at which point you would probably regret never trying. So take a chance and go for it

P. Breathnach

He is a good friend as well as the object of your affection. There seem to be signs that his attitude to you is also changing in a similar way.

I think if you jump him or make a move, you might just click. But if you are reading him wrongly, you could mess up a friendship you value. [I am taking it as a possibility that if he does not reciprocate your feelings you might be able to get over it and, in time, resume your friendship.]

You really should talk to him. If you think carefully about what you might say, you might be able to edge towards broaching the matter without putting everything at risk. In sequence, and not necessarily all in the one conversation, something like:
- "You know that I am very fond of you"
- "Any girl you hook up with would be very lucky to have you"
- "Maybe I'd like to be that girl"

Taltos

OP - having been where you are - I think since you have developed feelings the number is already up on your friendship, it might drag on for a few years but unless you can shut down those feelings then it's a goner...

With this in mind you really have nothing to lose by making your feelings known...
Either it works and you get together or you just accelerate the breakdown of the friendship.

Just my opinion, but where one person has feelings I don't hold out much hope for a balanced friendship, someone always gets hurt when the next boyfriend/girlfriend gets introduced..

Podgers

Sounds like both of you have a very solid base for a more intimate relationship.

Been/is in a similar situation, only that because I was in a relationship at the time i didn't wasn't sure if it was a good idea, even though i had a lot more in common with her and got on better than with my girlfriend. Were still as good friends as ever, only that the tables have turned, and as Taltos says, when they get into a relationship with someone else with does make things very awkward.


I think you should make your feelings known, nothing worse than not knowing. if they don't feel the same see what happens, it might be awkward for a bit but if they value your friendship it will be fine.

LegacyUser

Hi OP,
I was in a situation with a friend of 2years. We saw eachother all the time. Texting, going to cinema gigs etc. I developed feeling for them and decided that it was best to just come out with it. I blurted it out one day. We met the following week for a pint and had a chat where they said that they were interested and sure perhaps give it a go. 3 months later and nothing until one night when he came over for dinner and a movie and then he hopped on me. We slept together but it wasn't good. We fooled around a little after that but it fizzled out and we called it a day. Our friendship was never the same after that. Because I was the one who initiated the interest he never treated me the same way. He would keep his distance physically and didn't want to lead me on. We are still friends but it is not the same, but maybe you'll be different. Depends on the people, maturity etc. We weren't friends for as long as you guys though.

In hindsight I suppose the 3 months I kind of lost a lot of my self esteem as I had put myself out there for the first time ever and nothing happened. The night we were together happened too fast, for me anyway and I reckon that was a mistake. Although it didn't work out I dont regret it, experience and lesson learned. All the time we spent together was starting to really bug me and i needed to know either way. I think life is too short and you have to take risks. For me friendships will last through anything if they are strong enough and a relationship should be a great friendship so you have a great base to start with.

My advice would be to keep up the regular contact which is defo more than friends and give a few signals that you are interested. I think that it will happen organically without a big "I am really into you" that I did.

Hope it works out OP.