He contacted me after almost a year

LegacyUser

Hi,

this issue is probably silly compared to other people's issues but it has me so upset I need to get it out and wonder am I over reacting.

Basically I have feelings for a guy for almost three years now. We were sort of seeing each other but he didnt want a relationship and I did. Over the two years we would sort of be together, fight over him not wanting to commit, not talk to each other, but he would contact me again not for booty calls, just randomly,and we would meet up, sometimes just to chat and other times for sex. we clicked that way in which it was never just sex, but in no way would he ever commit to a relationship!! And I couldnt accept that.

Anyway it all blew up last year, I couldnt take the talking and not talking phases going on, and the him wanting a physical connection but not commitment and we fought terribly one night and ended contact. I was convinced we were through and in a way I was glad because I was sick of just being convienient ect and was a mess after it all. we hadnt talked for over 8 months. and I knew we would never again as the last argument was terrible. awful things were said.

anyway fast forward to tonight 8 months of no contact, i get a random call from him. a booty call, I knew he was a little drunk, I was uncomfortable as I had been asleep, and I tried to explain as much as I would like to seen him, we wanted different things and it would just end up badly again. he kept going on about meeting up tonight to hook up and such. he then threw in that he liked me. I told him he didnt that none of his behaviour for the last 3 years indicated that, and all I felt was used and that I couldnt take the fighting anymore that it left me a mess. he then says grand job and hung up on me!!

I should add Im not asking for advice on how to get back with him ect. I know full well he wont ever commit and I have been doing my best to move on. Im just so hurt because I still love him, despite all the crap and had been doing relatively well. then he goes and does this, firstly ringing me like Im some easy option after no contact for months, second for hanging up on me, and third, just for hearing his voice and everything. its been so hard to get over him, and Im not still there yet and I feel like Ive been thrown back a hundred paces backwards. the hanging up hurts so much, so juvenile and mean!!!! im in tears tonight and feel horrible.

any advice

Taltos

I know it hurts, but right now you should be so so proud of saying no last night. His "grand job" statement clearly shows his hand - he doesn't care for you enough to want to commit to you, he doesn't even care enough to be brutally honest. All I can say is phew - you clearly dodged a bullet last night.

There are a few things I think you can do.
1. Call him today when he is sober and awake and talk to him, let him know that his booty call last night upset you and you are worth more than that. To be honest I wouldn't recommed this as it gives him an opening to weasel his way back in but I don't know your history so maybe this is appropriate.
2. Block his number and any other method of contact (Facebook etc) and make sure that he is out of your life for good.

Chances are he won't call you again - but I wouldn't bet on it. With a few drinks he could well give you another shout, hoping that he catches you at a time where you are open to a no strings hook up. For your own sake I would do all you can to ensure he can't get in touch again. Up to you though if you want to give him a heads up or tell him one final time - "thanks but no thanks, skimmed milk is in aisle 3..."

All the best.

Rachelmhr

Block his number and any other method of contact (Facebook etc) and make sure that he is out of your life for good

Have to agree with Taltos here.. That is the only way you will get rid of him for good. Lets face it - he is only going to hurt you time and time again which he has proven over the last 3 years!

Be done with him and just keep your head up! It always looks like there's no light at the end of the tunnel but you know deep down you will be back to normal again

Good luck!

SineadMarie

I know its hard but you should be very proud of yourself, id say part of you still misses him and it could of been so easy to go back there, imagine if you did though you'd feel even worse this morning being used and giving into him, it would of set you back to square one. By saying no you have already achieved a lot and are stronger than you think.

Maybe text him this morning tell him your not going to be his booty call anymore, tell him to delete your number and not contact you again. You deserve more than that and will find someone soon that will commit to you and treat you the way you deserved to be treated.

LegacyUser

Hi there.

I'm a bloke and believe me I think you did the right thing. I've been on both sides of the fence. With one girl I was doing the same as this guy, for ages. She told me to get lost & I respected her far more after it.

Another girl did this to me too. We went out for a year, it ended, then met for sex for 6 months until she met a new guy she wanted to date. They ended up getting married. I was glad for her but I was totally used.

Keep your self respect until you meet someone who wants you for all you are. We all deserve that.

Starr27

you sound like a very intelligent, decent and considerate woman, you also seem to have your head screwed on. You gave this man enough chances, and as far s i can tell were not cruel to him.

Seems to me like he wants to have his cake and eat it. I find the way he ended the phone call and the words used to be very immature and almost like a teenager throwing a strop? How dare he do that, whether drunk or not.

I hope he realises what he had, and what he is missing out on. He will eventually, but by that time I bet someone else will have snapped you up, and will offer you a decent relationship.

All the best with it, and well done on managing the situation, I know its not easy

Merkin

Well done you, you should feel enormously proud of giving this knob the time he deserved. Having been in your shoes years a few years ago (having a toxic man who wouldn't commit torment me every time I wanted to move on) you now need to phone your service provider and block him, block him on all social networks and don't engage in dialogue with him again. I get that it's an ego boost him getting in touch, I'm sure you can't help but think that maybe it could be different this time but it won't be. Well done for being so strong hon, you deserve someone who can give you what you deserve.