I think I want my husband back..

cOnFuSeD24

Okay I'll keep this as simple as possible. I got married last year to a guy I had only been with a year. I was pregnant. I gave birth to our daughter at 28 weeks.Due to his job and the hospital we were at, he wasn't able to be around. So with all the trauma I was going through I pulled away from my husband. 10 weeks after she was born and just before she left the hospital I left him. He took it badly. He hardly saw our daughter and left the country 6 months ago. I am finally able to see that it wasn't all my husband's fault and I wish we had worked on it harder, well no I wish I had. He wanted to. Anyway I am feeling like I want him back and it scares me. I have HATED him these past 15 months so why would I suddenly want him back? We didn't have a perfect relationship and there were things we both needed to work on but we didn't. Can someone please give me some advice? I am seriously confused.

Ellsbells

Why do you want him back?

Is there any contact? Has he moved on with someone new?

cOnFuSeD24

Ellsbells wrote: »

Why do you want him back?

Is there any contact? Has he moved on with someone new?

Not for a couple of months. He's only phoned twice in the past 6 months which does piss me off, our daughter deserves better than that. I honestly don't know why. I'm just going to be honest, it's been since I went on his FB page and even though he's single and their were no pics of women or anything it's like it "sparked" something in me. I'm scared that i only want him back because I want to be with my kid's dad.

Ellsbells

Is he worth taking back if he can treat you and his daughter like that? He ran away when the going got tough and I know you had a big part in it but I would never leave my child in a different country.

I assume he isnt paying towards her keep at all? He isnt acting like her dad and on a practical level how would you manage a long distance relationship?

Gooner111

You say that he took the break up hard but that doesn't excuse not making any effort with his child. Did you stop him seeing her at the start? Make life hard for him etc? Trying to see if any saving grace for him (don't actually believe there is). My first daughter and her mother moved to Cavan. The mother decided to be difficult and tried to stop me seeing my own daughter. I dragged her through courts to get access! Even living abroad he could make some kind of effort.

It sounds like you made a mistake but chances are you could just be lonely. Have you dated anyone since the breakup? By all means contact your ex husband but do so on the basis of seeing if he wants to build a relationship with his daughter. While dealing with that you might be able to resolve your feelings. Then in the future who knows.

Piliger

cOnFuSeD24 wrote: »

Okay I'll keep this as simple as possible. I got married last year to a guy I had only been with a year. I was pregnant. I gave birth to our daughter at 28 weeks.Due to his job and the hospital we were at, he wasn't able to be around. So with all the trauma I was going through I pulled away from my husband. 10 weeks after she was born and just before she left the hospital I left him. He took it badly. He hardly saw our daughter and left the country 6 months ago. I am finally able to see that it wasn't all my husband's fault and I wish we had worked on it harder, well no I wish I had. He wanted to. Anyway I am feeling like I want him back and it scares me. I have HATED him these past 15 months so why would I suddenly want him back? We didn't have a perfect relationship and there were things we both needed to work on but we didn't. Can someone please give me some advice? I am seriously confused.

Hi OP. I really sympathise and it certainly looks like you have some severe post natal depression - not that that is any kind of medical diagnosis. It is tragic that it was not diagnosed and you both given help to deal with it.

I really sympathise with this poor man. He was really treated very very badly and I am not surprised he reacted the way he has. He must have been devastated. And all the while you were going through something that clearly he didn't know about or understand, as you didn't.

The questions I feel you need to be asking yourself, in my opinion, are what is the reason you really want him back and also what was the reason you hated him so ? did this hatred develop during this post natal period ?

Taltos

Piliger - please note that medical diagnoses are banned in this forum, even if you then say it is not a diagnosis...
If you have not recently done so please read our charter again to ensure there are no further slip ups.

Thanks
Taltos

The problem with the OP's post is that she doesn't exactly go into detail about the actual breakup itself; how she was, the way it happened and so on. Depending on this, then it's entirely understandable that he would have left the country. What you need to do, OP, is to think whether yours or his actions are at all reconcilable and, if not, then to try and move on.

HeyThereDeliah

Make the first move and contact him and just be friends no pressure. If he wants to see you and his daughter it will happen.

elainee40

Hey OP, i want to give you a massive hug, I am a mum of a premature baby, and its the hardest thing in the world, the mouthing hospital visits, the learning to feed, learning to breath, the massive milestones no one understands unless being in that position.

It puts a big big strain on a relationship as now there is this little thing fighting for its life and is now first and for most.

Myself and my husband struggled through our prem baby in hospital, running back and forth, afraid to say anything to each other incase it opened the flood gates.

I would suggest messaging him through fb and ask how he is, keep it low key and friendly, Whatever happens you both need to talk through that time in your life as it sits there digging away at you years later, My little one is now 2.5 years old and i still think we were lucky to get through it.

xxxx