feeling awful. how do I move forward after being played?

LegacyUser

I was pursued from a man and into bed. To me, it was one night. If anything like a friendship or s relationship developed from that - sweet. If not, it was a lovely night. Straight afterwards though, I don't know what you can call this but I suppose games though it wasn't a game for me. He blew hot and cold, hot and cold, hot and cold with excuses galore. Then nothing. Dropped of the face of the earth although he is still alive. No explaination. I tried to look for some sort of an answer of him but nothing. Got my head messed with and things left so open. I was played.

I just feel so awful. I keep thinking it was a deliberate act or ploy to get me down and it worked. I mean like why put up a front and say things if you don't mean them. If there's no basis to the words. Why give excuses. Surely being honest is better. Why play games after one night? Could he not have left it at that?
I just have this emptyiness and worthlessness and nothing feeling and I'm losing interest in what I enjoy. I try to keep busy doing things that I like but I keep sinking. I

thefeatheredcat

Don't be so hard on yourself, that's a good start.

It can happen to anyone, so you have no reason to be hard on yourself. Yes people get played, people get conned and fall for it and feel stupid. It's part of life to feel humiliated or like a fool. And that's natural. But it's not something to feel ashamed about and feel worthless over.

If anything the person who one day will feel so, so empty and so worthless someday will be that guy who played games, perhaps even with regret. Behind it all is, at a guess, is someone who feels really insecure in themselves who felt that bit more powerful in messing you around. Probably someone too who felt that they couldn't just blatantly admit to themselves it was a one night stand and leave it at that, handling it maturely, but had to go and do that to feel better about it in themselves. Some people, for whatever reason, are just like that and they are not worth wasting the time or energy asking questions you will never get an answer to. Don't give them that power over you.

Dust yourself down, allow yourself to be angry at that person, get that anger out of you; but don't be angry at yourself. Don't be upset with yourself either, and don't allow one person's actions take power over your mind and how you live your life and how you feel about yourself.

The less time you allow for questions about it to occupy your mind, the less power you are giving this person. Even if they don't know it, it still effects you. So discourage any negative feelings you have about yourself, replace them with many positive aspects and things about yourself and enjoy the things you enjoyed before. In time, you'll have chalked it down to experience and moved on and the quicker you stop being hard on yourself the quicker that will happen.

LegacyUser

I've been played too and if I think about it, I still cringe a bit. In hindsight, there were warning signs everywhere and I was just too naïve to spot them.

Instead of beating myself up about it and looking back into the past, I prefer to look into the future.There are other guys out there who won't be rotters like this one. I've also learned some hard lessons so I won't be as easily fooled again. If that is a good thing that comes out of my experience, then it almost makes it worthwhile.

HeyThereDeliah

Chalk it down to experience and move on. The most important thing is to learn from it and not let it happen again.