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don't know what to do

  • 31-08-2012 10:24am
    #1
    north cider
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 23 ✭


    Hi all, so here goes, i seperated from my long term partner (almost 22 yrs together, 3 kids, oldest 21, youngest 17.) last year and moved out of the family home and into a flat in balbriggan on my own on sept 2 2011. I found out last saturday morning (in not a nice way) that my ex has been seeing someone for the last month !!! much to my surprise, this has left me devastated !!! heartbroken, extremely upset !!! i have been unable to think of anything else since and been very depressed !!! this reaction has surprised both me and my ex and my kids !!!! We have been talking and texting on the phone all week and i just seem to be weepy and depressed all the time !!!! i know it has only been a week but i don't know what to do !!!


Comments

  • #2
    SineadMarie
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 208 ✭✭SineadMarie


    Its normal to feel this way when an ex moves on, its must be very hard to move on after being together a long time. Did you hope you could work things out?? I would suggest maybe talking to someone professional it will help, don't be on your own either keep busy.


  • #3
    north cider
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 23 ✭north cider


    had never thought too hard about whether we would get back together or not. We were, Still are, very friendly, i go back to see my kids and to see her at least once a week. I have had many dinners there since, have spent the night on more than one occassion, spent last xmas eve, day and stephens day in the family home. The ex has spent time with me out in balbriggan. I suppose i just felt like now, there really is no going back !!! never felt so alone in all my life, not even when we had first separated.


  • #4
    jessiejam
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 778 ✭✭✭jessiejam


    You can still stay friends though even if she has moved on to another relationship. Your not alone either, you have 3 kids together i'm sure they need you both. Are you sure that its not just a friend and you have gotten the wrong end of the stick. Why not ask her and also ask her if ye can remain friends.
    Did you think that ye had a chance of getting back together? Why did ye break up in the first place? 22 years is a long time.


  • #5
    Piliger
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,741 ✭✭✭Piliger


    north cider wrote: »
    had never thought too hard about whether we would get back together or not. We were, Still are, very friendly, i go back to see my kids and to see her at least once a week. I have had many dinners there since, have spent the night on more than one occassion, spent last xmas eve, day and stephens day in the family home. The ex has spent time with me out in balbriggan. I suppose i just felt like now, there really is no going back !!! never felt so alone in all my life, not even when we had first separated.

    Hi OP. I got divorced last lear after 25 yrs (my son is 20) I guess because it was a very rancourous and bitter one I had to go what you are going through now, back then. It was a living nightmare for lots of other reasons. The end of a marriage is a lot like a death at the heart of your family ... and it sounds like this recent event has now triggered your subconscious realisation that, yes, it's over and there is no going back. I am truly sorry.

    I can only advise that you hang in there ... stay close to your kids and try and stay active, in work and/or socially. You may not feel like going out much but I advise you to. If you haven't already done so, and I imagine you have, please reach out of your friends old and recent and your own family and believe me .... time will heal your pain ... but it will take a while.

    When you start to feel a bit better and the pain eases you will start to look forward and realise there is a future and you can make a new life.


  • #6
    She Who Dares Wins
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 50 ✭✭She Who Dares Wins


    It sounds like a grieving process to me too. Shock reaction, realisation of change, life as you know it over. So I think there's a two strand route for you here, you'll have to take the trip through the process while keeping in mind the annoying old adage "time is a great healer", give yourself permission to feel bad about it without necessarily understanding your reaction, some pro help might help you understand it if you really need to. You do also need to start to take steps to developing an independent life too and feel like you're taking some control and building a new future for yourself.


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