rude behaviour or not?

annoyedgal

Hey guys, just looking for others perspective on this. Been going out with a guy for nine months and its going really well overall. We get on well and have lots in common. In the last few weeks though he thinks nothing of passing gas loudly in front of me .....both ends! He drinks lots of fIzzy drinks and the belching can be very loud and in my opinion, embarrassing.
I have ignored this behavior so far and while it may seem trivial I feel he is being quite rude and disrespectful towards me. I would never do this in front out him! I asked my friend her opinion and she basically said I was making a deal out of normal behavior. Is this normal? I'd appreciate some thoughts.

Toast4532

Perfectly normal behaviour, personally I don't give a hoot when my partner burps/farts around me, if he was doing it in restaurant or other people's houses etc I would be embarrassed and I would say it to him.

If it bothers you so much why not say it to him? If he isn't aware that it bothers you, then he won't stop/change until you do say it to him, but even if you say it to him, he might not change/stop it.

If the tables were turned and you were behaving like he is and he is behaving like you - what would he say and do?

blatantrereg

Normal yes. Take it as a compliment that he is comfortable around you maybe!

Most women dont seem to mind it. If they're smelly or something, suggesting he leaves the room to do them might be no harm. If it's just the noise, and the fact he doesn't hold them in, well you could say something anyway if it's bothering you, but imo it's just getting on his case a bit.

Not bothered in the slightest when women do it in front of me. It's kinda funny really.

Ellsbells

No one needs to hear anyone else farting - that's vile. Next time hr does it just tell him 'I want the news, not the weather!!' and tell him to stop. Disgusting no matter how long ye are together.

Piliger

OP. I have no idea why you have ignored this disgusting behaviour up to now .... no idea whatsoever. It is rude, disrespectful and loutish. He seems to think he is in the football changing rooms and you don't even appear on his radar when it comes to manners and common courtesy.

Don't stand for it one more day. That's how I see it.

annoyedgal

Thanks for the opinions. I suppose I should say something next time, I just don't want to come across as a nag or making a fuss over nothing which my friend implied I was doingwhen i asked her.
We get on ago well in most areas but think our sense of humours maybe incompatible. Last weekend we were driving to town and he farted. I just ignored it but put the electric window down discreetly. He then used the controls on his side to put the window up and held his finger on the switch so I couldn't put out down again. He thought this was hilarious and when I calmly asked him to put it down he said no because out was too cold.
I think I'll just have to say next time that it bothers me and hope he gets where I'm coming from.

MugMugs

OP, if you can't accept your other half for the person that they are, gas and all then I'd earnestly suggest moving on.

P. Breathnach

annoyedgal wrote: »

... I think I'll just have to say next time that it bothers me and hope he gets where I'm coming from.

Do that. Whenever a person is bothered by a partner's behaviour, it is okay to say so. It's not a matter of being right or wrong, rude or polite, whatever: it's a matter of working out how two people can accommodate one another's preferences.

Ellsbells

MugMugs wrote: »

OP, if you can't accept your other half for the person that they are, gas and all then I'd earnestly suggest moving on.

Wha??? Farts and all? Don't think so unless they are physically unable to walk to the loo. Very crass.

Ellsbells

annoyedgal wrote: »

. He then used the controls on his side to put the window up and held his finger on the switch so I couldn't put out down again. He thought this was hilarious and when I calmly asked him to put it down he said no because out was too cold.

He is gross

MugMugs

Ellsbells wrote: »

Wha??? Farts and all? Don't think so unless they are physically unable to walk to the loo. Very crass.

So you suggest the OP attempt their OH to the person they aren't? May not end well.

Herrick

To be honest I wouldn't mind someone belching and farting the odd time, it happens like.

But the occasion where he farted and wouldn't let you open the window by keeping his finger on the button isn't funny, its just ignorant and gross :eek:

Piliger

annoyedgal wrote: »

Thanks for the opinions. I suppose I should say something next time, I just don't want to come across as a nag or making a fuss over nothing which my friend implied I was doingwhen i asked her.
We get on ago well in most areas but think our sense of humours maybe incompatible. Last weekend we were driving to town and he farted. I just ignored it but put the electric window down discreetly. He then used the controls on his side to put the window up and held his finger on the switch so I couldn't put out down again. He thought this was hilarious and when I calmly asked him to put it down he said no because out was too cold.
I think I'll just have to say next time that it bothers me and hope he gets where I'm coming from.

This guy is ignorant and gross. Do you want to suffer years of this ? and let me tell you if this is his attitude to you now .. can you imagine his attitude to lots of other life issues ? Any self respecting lady would run a mile from a neanderthal like this.

Stavro Mueller

Am I missing something here? Since when was it socially acceptable to fart and belch in company Anyone can have an accident of course but in my experience, most people manage to get through their day without inflicting their gases on others. In my book it's a disgusting habit but of course what I think about it doesn't count.

If you're not happy with what he's doing, then talk to him. If he thinks it's a wheeze and continues to do this, then what you decide after that is up to you.

blatantrereg

If you share your bed and bodily fluids, farts and burps shouldn't be that big a deal imo; not unless you're doing them on top of each other or something.
Each to their own and all, but even if you object I dont think it's something to get too annoyed about per sé, or feel you're being disrespected.
It's possible he might think you should get over yourself. If you talk to him, the more critical you are in how you express it, the more likely he'll react like that.

ibarelycare

This is one of those things is completely subjective. Some people might think bodily gasses are hilarious, other people might think they're absolutely disgusting.

I think people saying your boyfriend is gross, rude, etc. is a bit harsh. In some people's eyes he might be, but in other people's minds it's funny and he's having a laugh. You need to speak up and let him know it bothers you because if he doesn't know it bothers you then he's not actually doing anything wrong. If, AFTER you speak to him and he continues to do it, then this would be rude and disrespectful.

Anyway we all have bodies that do disgusting/embarrassing things at times. It's nothing to get hysterical about. My boyfriend started farting in front of me a couple of months into the relationship and he hasn't looked back :rolleyes: Sometimes he'll disgust me and I'll give out to him, sometimes we'll laugh at it and sometimes I'll just roll my eyes at him. It was well over a year before I accidentally let one rip in front of him and I was mortified But to him this was a huge success and he was delighted :pac:

The bottom line is, people react differently to these sorts of things. By not realising he's bothering you by doing it, he's not actually doing anything wrong. It's probable that this is the way he's been in previous relationships and it wasn't an issue. However if it is an issue for you then you should absolutely tell him nicely, and he should respect your wishes by being more discreet about it.

ABajaninCork

Sorry, I don't agree with the above post. If his bodily functions are offensive to the OP, then it's ignorant and crass. And yes, he must have an idea that the OP finds his little habit gross. The fact that he kept the window closed when she discreetly opened it would point to that.

The man has no manners and no class. Pure and simple.

The question is OP: Is this enough of a showstopper for you to end it? Or will you try to point out what he's doing is upsetting you and hope he realises??

ibarelycare

ABajaninCork wrote: »

Sorry, I don't agree with the above post. If his bodily functions are offensive to the OP, then it's ignorant and crass. And yes, he must have an idea that the OP finds his little habit gross. The fact that he kept the window closed when she discreetly opened it would point to that.

As far as I'm aware the OP hasn't actually told him she finds it disgusting. Keeping the window closed is a bit immature and silly yes, but everyone has a different sense of humour. If the OP asked him there and then to stop holding the button down and he kept doing it then that would be rude, but she hasn't said if she did that or not.

As I said, what's disgusting and not funny for some people, is the opposite to others. It obviously is an issue for the OP so by all means she should talk to him and let him know that it upsets her. If he doesn't respect her wishes after that, THEN he is being ignorant and disrespectful.

ABajaninCork

Yes, I do agree the OP should talk to her BF about this. But, like I say, he must know she found his habit offensive by the way he behaved when she tried to open the window! Is he really THAT stupid not to realise??

Gooner111

It all depends on whether you find it acceptable or not - talk to him. Would he like you belching and farting loudly in his company?

Some couples do it once they are comfortable with enough with each other so you could take it as a sign that he is very comfortable around you. In fairness there is always going to be times it happens in front of your partner but for the most part it can be avoided. He could get up and go into the hall or bathroom etc. It is a common curtousy to think of your partner rather than gassing him/her!!!!!!

As I was told by my ex gf.... It is a natural body function and its better out than in.... better for her maybe as it certainly wasn't better for me!! lol

On a side note... get him to cut back on the fizzi drinks. You will notice less belching etc and he should feel better for being less bloated.

Niamho!

Haha. I don't get the big deal at all with this!

Everyone is different, and my opinion would be get over it. People pass wind. sometimes it's audible. So what!?

If you're comfortable with someone, what's the problem?

The chap is gonna fart and belch like everyone does. End of story.

What do you do? Walk out of the room?

JustAThought

A few times could be a bad curry or sthing disagreeing with him but TBH it's not acceptable. Its disrespectful, smelly and unacceptably rude.
Would he do this in front if his mother? At work ? No.
Equally he should have more respect and care for you than to be treating you like this.

I would beconcerned that you have reached a part in your relationship where he has decided to show his " true" colours, or to lay down a marker on how he is going to behave in the future..and has decided that you are going to accept this as " normal" ( it's absolutely not) or acceptable.

The incident in the car could be toilet humour or childish horseplay out-if-hand, but as you say this has been going on for weeks with no comment or end in sight.

I'd be laying a line down & stating standards or thinking strongly about the future with this man . Is he going to do this in restaurants? In pubs? Out at events? Or just behave like a savage in the privacy of your home when only you are there?
It shows a disturbing pattern of grooming for behaviour that really isn't acceptable.

Whatever occasional noises or bumps that happens between the sheets is hugely different to his attitude & outlook to you as his partner . Do you see anyone else over the age of 8 acting this way in public? No? Do you see your parents behaving this way to each other?
Is that how he's going to behave when he visits your family? Is that what you want?
Is that the man and manners you want to be associated with in normal society/ company? Whatever about a once off incident or something polite they might say to your face few " normal " people will find this long term funny, or acceptable.

ABajaninCork

Niamho! wrote: »

What do you do? Walk out of the room?

If he makes a habit of it? Yes, absolutely. And if he made it a habit to let off in front of friends and family, his b******s would be worn as earrings!!

CommanderC

Ellsbells wrote: »

No one needs to hear anyone else farting - that's vile. Next time hr does it just tell him 'I want the news, not the weather!!' and tell him to stop. Disgusting no matter how long ye are together.

I fart in front of my girlfriend all the time. We oft compete to see who can fart the loudest.

I always win

Ellsbells

CommanderC wrote: »

I fart in front of my girlfriend all the time. We oft compete to see who can fart the loudest.

I always win

Ok so both of ye enjoying farting in front of each other problem is the op is not into that kind of fun and it's forced on her.

CommanderC

JustAThought wrote: »

A few times could be a bad curry or sthing disagreeing with him but TBH it's not acceptable. Its disrespectful, smelly and unacceptably rude.
Would he do this in front if his mother? At work ? No.
Equally he should have more respect and care for you than to be treating you like this.

I would beconcerned that you have reached a part in your relationship where he has decided to show his " true" colours, or to lay down a marker on how he is going to behave in the future..and has decided that you are going to accept this as " normal" ( it's absolutely not) or acceptable.

The incident in the car could be toilet humour or childish horseplay out-if-hand, but as you say this has been going on for weeks with no comment or end in sight.

I'd be laying a line down & stating standards or thinking strongly about the future with this man . Is he going to do this in restaurants? In pubs? Out at events? Or just behave like a savage in the privacy of your home when only you are there?
It shows a disturbing pattern of grooming for behaviour that really isn't acceptable.

Whatever occasional noises or bumps that happens between the sheets is hugely different to his attitude & outlook to you as his partner . Do you see anyone else over the age of 8 acting this way in public? No? Do you see your parents behaving this way to each other?
Is that how he's going to behave when he visits your family? Is that what you want?
Is that the man and manners you want to be associated with in normal society/ company? Whatever about a once off incident or something polite they might say to your face few " normal " people will find this long term funny, or acceptable.

Is this a troll ???

It HAS to be !!!

CommanderC

Ellsbells wrote: »

Ok so both of ye enjoying farting in front of each other problem is the op is not into that kind of fun and it's forced on her.

I'm sorry, but I just find this whole thing hilarious. Imagine having to hold in farts to be polite and have 'class' :rolleyes: in front of the person you are potentially going to spend the rest of your life with.

The whole thing sounds so uptight. If I knew the OH I would be telling him to GET OUT !!

Farting is a natural thing. He's not drumming them up just to piss her off. His body is producing gases that are byproducts of the digestion process. Can you imagine him sitting there on the couch, bloated and uncomfortable, because he is trying to hold in.......:eek:

And back to the class thing. What a crock of shiite. Do you all honestly think, when Wills and Kate are home alone they are like 'oh doo excuse my daarling. I'm just popping out to the lav to expel the gases'.

We are all human.

But in all seriousness. It really sounds like the OP and her OH are chalk and cheese. He is a disgusting oaf and she has no sense of humour. Might be best to part ways.

But I do NOT want to see a post on here from the OP in a few weeks asking.....'Why am I perpetually single ?', 'Why can't I find a man '.

ABajaninCork

CommanderC wrote: »

I'm sorry, but I just find this whole thing hilarious. Imagine having to hold in farts to be polite and have 'class' :rolleyes: in front of the person you are potentially going to spend the rest of your life with.

The whole thing sounds so uptight. If I knew the OH I would be telling him to GET OUT !!

Farting is a natural thing. He's not drumming them up just to piss her off. His body is producing gases that are byproducts of the digestion process. Can you imagine him sitting there on the couch, bloated and uncomfortable, because he is trying to hold in.......:eek:

And back to the class thing. What a crock of shiite. Do you all honestly think, when Wills and Kate are home alone they are like 'oh doo excuse my daarling. I'm just popping out to the lav to expel the gases'.

We are all human.

But in all seriousness. It really sounds like the OP and her OH are chalk and cheese. He is a disgusting oaf and she has no sense of humour. Might be best to part ways.

But I do NOT want to see a post on here from the OP in a few weeks asking.....'Why am I perpetually single ?', 'Why can't I find a man '.

So by expressing distaste for something a lot of people find socially unacceptable, she has no sense of humour???

Not everyone has toilet humour. Just because the OP's SoH is as childish as yours or her BF's appears to be doesn't mean she doesn't have one.

Milk & Honey

When I was at school the silence in the study hall was punctuated by farts. Some took pride in the loudness of their farts. Some tried to get the maximum advantage from each fart, lifting the leg or getting up from their seat and farting just as they passed someone. The most despised of scholars were those of the silent fart. At least if there was noise you knew who had done it. With the silent fart, the identity of the gutless perpetrator could only be guessed at. An honest open fart is the way to go.

meeeeh

I wouldn't know about the sense of humor but after nine months you should be comfortable enough in a relationship to say what you like or not and what you will tolerate or not.

annoyedgal

OP here. I appreciate the replies, I think I am a person with a good sense of humour, I just don't find these noises funny! I'm going to make my feelings known the next time it happens and try to be light hearted but get the message across. Hopefully I won't seem like a nag. I should add that he is a great guy in other ways!

x Purple Pawprints x

I honestly don't see what the big issue is if he farts around you. He obviously feels comfortable enough around you to do it. If he was doing it in front of other people or in public places then yes, I could see why you'd have a problem with it. If it's really bothering you that much talk to him about it.

Taltos

CommanderC wrote: »

Is this a troll ???

It HAS to be !!!

Hi CommanderC - please note posts like the above are in breach of our Charter. If you have not already done so please take some time now to read the rules before posting again. If you have an issue with a post/thread use the report function.

Thanks
Taltos