Stay or go home?

LegacyUser

Sorry, long post. My boyfriend and I are teaching English abroad. We've been here just over 6 months now, and our visa lasts another 6. We came here for an adventure, no plans to stay permanently.

Lately, we've both been feeling pretty homesick. Well, I say lately, but it's been for the majority of time we've been here in some form. We can't speak the language very well, and the culture is very different. At first it was great - experiencing something new, it was exciting.. now it's become a bit irritating. We both crave things from home that we just can't get here. We haven't really meshed with our coworkers despite our efforts- we work in different locations, so it's not due to 'coupleyness' (made up word!) So it's pretty much just the two of us, in this HUGE city. It's like we just don't 'fit' here.

I know things aren't great in Ireland, and at least we're working in pretty ok jobs here. But the cost of living is also really high, so we're pretty much living month to month and not getting to travel the country as much as we'd like (transport costs also very expensive) It's all become quite stagnant and kinda like we're just here for the sake of being here.

Being here has given us a new perspective and motivation on what we want to do with our lives, future careers etc. We're both 22, so before we left Ireland we hadn't put much thought into the future. I think we're both anxious to get back to Ireland to start doing it - my career path involves a lot of further study for example.

We both would have jobs to go back to due to family connections/businesses. Neither of them are particularly well paid or related to our future plans, but at least we wouldn't be going back to nothing. And we'd be home..

As with everything now though, we're supposed to be thankful for what we have and not wish it away. When I mentioned this to some friends they just say "Oh, you're missing nothing here, it's boring, etc. etc." I know the grass is always greener and this is a great experience, but I don't think they get just how isolated it can feel. My boyfriend and I have both said that if we were here alone, we'd be home already.

Having said all of that..this is a once in a lifetime experience. I can't decide if it's worth hanging on for the next 6 months. Even in terms of our CV's - one year sounds better than 6 months. My boyfriend is pretty much with me on whatever I decide. He'd go home next week if I decided to. But he's happy to stay here if it's what I decide.

So, wise people of Boards (who have kept me feeling connected to Ireland for the last 6 months) what do you think? Should we stay? - If so, any advice on how to get past what we're feeling right now. Or should we go? Any insights would be great. We're feeling quite confused and alone right now. Thanks.

CdeC

How about instead of moving home go to another country and teach. Maybe the change of scenery would do you better, home sickness will pass but if you are not happy in that place maybe another one would suit you guys better.

tannytantans

Hi OP, I couldn't not reply. I was in the exact same situation four years ago. My now husband and I went to teach English in Korea for a year and I felt the exact same as you. We didn't understand the language, had no real friends, I hated the food and I really missed home.

We decided to take a trip home for a week (expensive I know but it really was worth it). Once I got back to Ireland I realised that nothing had changed, I wasn't missing out on anything, and I was able to stock up on food, clothes, books etc that I couldn't get in Korea. I actually felt good about going back and when we returned I knew we had less than 5 months left there and I really started to enjoy myself. We also booked a holiday for the end of the contract which was something to look forward to.

Would ye be able to take a trip home? I think I just needed to get back to the English speaking world for a while!

Did ye go over to save money or for the experience? We went for both but we really needed the money which is why we stuck it out. If ye are only going there for the experience and truely hate it then I would definitely consider going home -you've lived there for 6 months and truely experienced it!

Looking back now I'm really glad I stayed and I'm very proud of myself for sticking it out.

jimmycrackcorm

CdeC wrote: »

How about instead of moving home go to another country and teach. Maybe the change of scenery would do you better, home sickness will pass but if you are not happy in that place maybe another one would suit you guys better.

I agree. You'd be mad to move home because within weeks you'd feel the drudgery of being stuck here the way things are. You'll never have as much of an opportunity to experience life as you are ten years from now. So move and get another experience while you can.

poeticseraphim

Hi OP:)

Ireland will always be here for you

We are not going anywhere. But it sounds like you need to find a country where you feel more at home:-)

LegacyUser

sounds like the country/culture just doesn't suit you. My advice is go somewhere else - I also teach english but in Spain, so it's not that big a jump language/culture wise and is close enough to go home when I want. it's the start of the academic year, there's jobs coming up so it's a good time to move.

syklops

As with everything now though, we're supposed to be thankful for what we have and not wish it away. When I mentioned this to some friends they just say "Oh, you're missing nothing here, it's boring, etc. etc." I know the grass is always greener and this is a great experience, but I don't think they get just how isolated it can feel. My boyfriend and I have both said that if we were here alone, we'd be home already.

The bit in bold is boll0cks. Life is too short to be unhappy. Even responders to this thread have used the "Ireland will still be here / great opportunity to travel etc etc. All very well, but if you're not happy you're not happy. Also, suggestions of travelling home for a holiday don't help if your living hand to mouth as it is. I moved abroad over 3 years ago. I have learnt a lot, have really developed as a person, but, its been a mixed bag in terms of enjoyment. Its also been the 3 hardest years of my life. Just started a new job, with a better salary and have already started a fund for going home. My other half would go home tomorrow if she could.

If you go home, and get a small job, there is nothing stopping you going away again in a year or two when you get fed up of the rain and the recession doom and gloom. The world will still be out there. I know people who went abroad, and some left and never came back, some came back and stayed and some came back and then flitted off again after a while. We are also fortunate in Ireland with cheap flights europe wide, that you can go on weekend breaks all over Europe for very little.

Some people will say incredulously, "You came back to an irish winter from <insert country>???". You will even get the odd begrudger who will say things like "I hear you couldnt handle it out there". These people say things like that because they never went anywhere, and are afraid of trying. Ignore them.

Do what you feel is right.

But it sounds like you need to find a country where you feel more at home:-)

Surely the best place to go if you want to feel at home is home?

fits

If its not working out theres no point in staying for the sake of it and being miserable.

If you have plans and ideas for the future get on them! Or go travelling for a while and make the most of being out there.

bakergirl91

Life is much too short to be unhappy, i can tell you that from experience. take a good long hard look at what your doing and reassess with your partner. think about what you specifically miss and what you want bash it out and you may be surprised with what choice ye come to !

Skuxx

I know how you feel OP, its a tough situation to be in!
I spend about 9 months of the year working abroad on contracts, I coud be away for 6/7 months at a time, or it might be as little as 2 or 3 weeks and then I'd be home again until the next one comes up.
The thing is, when I'm away, 90% of the time all I want to do is get home again, but when I'm home, after 4 or 5 days I can't wait to go again!!

I think, for me anyway, a lot of the things that I'm missing from home etc are all in my head, and in reality when I get home I don't see what I was making such a fuss about!!

I think the suggestion of getting home for a week or 10 days was a good one, see some friends etc and then head back out!!

syklops

For all the people who suggest moving to another country or going home for a week, please note the following sentence in the original posters post:

OP wrote:

But the cost of living is also really high, so we're pretty much living month to month

I have been in this situation, and when the end of the month comes its noodles and tea until payday, with no room in the kitty for a trip to the zoo never mind a quick flight home.

The title of the thread is aftestay or go home. If I understand the OPs predicament, its an all or nothing situation. Save as much as possible sell everything from their knives/forks to their settee and get on a plane home.

How about instead of moving home go to another country and teach

I think your under-estimating how much money it costs to move to another country and get set up.

Having said all of that..this is a once in a lifetime experience.

OP, No it isnt. The phrase "once in a lifetime", was coined back when you got on a ship for America or Australia and you might return home in 10 years, or in 30 years or never. There is nothing stopping you coming home, saving up some money and heading off somewhere else. As one poster suggested, teaching English in a European country, so your only a Ryanair flight away from home, and so could get home regularly.

If I was moving away again, as well as the money for moving away, I would save up a similar amount and put it in an account somewhere, and that would be my escape route funds. There is nothing worse then wanting to get out of Dodge and not having the funds.

LegacyUser

Hi everyone, OP here.

Thank you very much for all of your replies. I understand where the advice of taking a trip home / moving to a different country was coming from. It's great advice in general, but as syklops pointed out, it's just not possible for us financially. We both have enough for a flight home but that's about it.

We are both feeling much better since I posted the thread. We spent a few days moping around, complaining about it to each other, reading boards replies! just generally getting it out of our system. Specifically, we mainly miss the comfort of our group of friends, going to our usual pub for a drink etc. Just feeling like we belong and knowing where we fit! It's not nice feeling out of place.

After a lot of talking though, we have decided we will most likely stay for the 6 months (maybe leave a few weeks earlier). We're going to stop worrying about coworkers etc. and just appreciate that we have each other. We're going to plan a few things spaced out over the months to look forward to. We're planning to take the Trans Siberian railway home (with our last paycheck!) rather than just an international flight which will be a great adventure but requires a lot of planning so that'll keep us occupied.

Thank you so much for all of your advice. Home will always be where our hearts are, but we're feeling much more optimistic now!