How important is sex?

LegacyUser

I female late-twenties and have recently met someone who I really clicked with. We've been seeing each other for over a month now and have been getting on amazingly.

I was really smitten and we had sex at the weekend for the first time. I've never really had an issue with this in past relationships and I'm ashamed of being so shallow but his penis was really very small and it was quite obvious during the deed. Now I'm wondering how important is the sex? He is perfect to me in every other way very caring and generous so I feel really bad that I am even thinking this way.

Has anyone come across this before? How did you deal with it?

Ickle Magoo

Hey there,

This is one of those "how long is a piece of string?" questions.

To some people sex is not important at all, some can take it or leave it and to others it's absolutely vital - as well as every variation in between.

Only you can say where in that scale you are and what you'd be happy with...what I would say is there is absolutely no shame in finding an otherwise good relationship untenable because one component is missing - whether that component be romance, physical attraction, sexual compatibility, etc, etc just as there is no shame in accepting a trade off that your relationship will be missing that component or working around such an issue so you can enjoy what else the relationship brings.

All the best.

Gooner111

At the moment it all depends on what you view as important yourself. If you got no satisfaction out of the sex, can you live with the frustration it would bring you long term / still have sex with him regularly??? If in the furture you were to start rejecting sex with him because of this then he could end up leaving you as sex could be important to him.

But given its early and you like him prehaps more foreplay before the deed and some different positions could help. These things could be worth looking into before ending things.

Lorna123

If I really clicked in every other way then his actual size would not matter to me. For me the closeness and the way a guy treats me is way more important. That's just my 2 cents worth.

Piliger

shallowgal wrote: »

I female late-twenties and have recently met someone who I really clicked with. We've been seeing each other for over a month now and have been getting on amazingly.

I was really smitten and we had sex at the weekend for the first time. I've never really had an issue with this in past relationships and I'm ashamed of being so shallow but his penis was really very small and it was quite obvious during the deed. Now I'm wondering how important is the sex? He is perfect to me in every other way very caring and generous so I feel really bad that I am even thinking this way.

Has anyone come across this before? How did you deal with it?

Hi OP. All you say is that he was 'small'. You don't say if you enjoyed the sex or if it was different or not as good as before or if you felt nothing. This is a really important issue.

When you ask how important sex is, you infer that the sex was a disaster.

So there are a lot of permutations there to have to advise on ....

ibarelycare

Hi OP. Please don't think (or don't let other people make you think) that you're shallow because you're worried over your boyfriend's penis size. If it is something that's important to you then that's your prerogative.

No one can really answer this question for you though. There are many different factors to take into consideration. Was the sex good otherwise? You have to consider whether you will feel sexually satisfied despite the size of his penis.

If you feel that all the good parts of your relationship are enough to make up for this "bad" thing (I used inverted commas as I'm not entirely sure from your post whether it's a bad thing or just something you're a little worried about) then keep going with it and see how it goes. Good luck!

ennis81

Look good men are hard to find, size isn't everything when it comes to sex, there are many pleasures when it comes to sex use your imagination, I wouldn't dump a great guy because he's a bit small, its so hard to find someone you connect with and have fun with these days, anyway you know what they say ITS NOT SIZE OF THE WAVES.... ITS THE MOTION IN THE OCEAN, hope it all turns out well for you

Herrick

OP have you considered researching different sexual positions? Different positions can give various degrees of pleasure and penetration compared to the standard ones most people do.

You may find one or two that allow him to give you the kind of penetration you want.

nowyouresix

shallowgal: so sorry this has happened.... I know exactly what you are talking about, and I simply couldn't continue with that guy. He wasn't able to satisfy me in the way I like to be satisfied, and for me it is of critical importance.
Each to their own..... but for me,size matters.
Good luck

Piliger

nowyouresix wrote: »

shallowgal: so sorry this has happened.... I know exactly what you are talking about, and I simply couldn't continue with that guy. He wasn't able to satisfy me in the way I like to be satisfied, and for me it is of critical importance.
Each to their own..... but for me,size matters.
Good luck

So you actually slept with the same guy ? How strange ....... and yet the OP didn't say she was not satisfied at all sexually. Thankfully the majority of women don't actually care about size.

Jen Pigs Fly

I do think that if you have that emotional connection than penis size doesn't really matter.

I've been in your boat OP, know what I did? Got a bullet and used that during sex and thought him how to do amazing things with his tongue.

it's not all about penetrative sex either, toys and oral can really help too, even if to just get you there quicker and therefore enjoy it more.

jimmycrackcorm

Op, I think you are looking at the situation the wrong way. Basically you are judging the book by the cover.

Even if he had bigger than expected, there would have been no guarantee that the first experience together would have worked really well. It's simply too early to judge.

beks101

Yeah penetrative sex is a small part of the equation when it comes to the list of possibilities in your sex life...

How good is he at oral? Foreplay? Does he spend time trying to please you? Have you orgasmed with him or could you teach him how to help you out in that department before you get to penetration?

Personally, size matters. But only in the sense that it would have to be abnormally small for me to consider walking away. And it would have to be after I'd exhausted all avenues in terms of orgasming through all other means except penetration. There are COUNTLESS ways, and often a skilled tongue or hand can go a lot further than a penis can!

LegacyUser

So you actually slept with the same guy ? How strange ....... and yet the OP didn't say she was not satisfied at all sexually. Thankfully the majority of women don't actually care about size.

That's a bit harsh in fairness....(And I'm not sure if it's accurate to assume the majority the majority don't care about size ) OP did say...

his penis was really very small and it was quite obvious during the deed

which would imply that she wasn't as fulfilled as she would like. without getting too crude a lot of women get off on the sensation of being "filled" by their partner's penis or at least see it as an important part of the act of sex. Personally it's not a sensation I could sacrifice for the (potential) rest of my life with a guy, so it would be a deal breaker for me.

I guess it's comparable with a guy being in a relationship with a woman with a very very loose vagina, I'm not sure many men would be prepared to sacrifice the sensation of penetrative sex for the rest of their lives even if the woman was prepared to satisfy him through oral/masturbation. For some women size does happen to matter, that's not being cruel as for other women size won't. Different strokes. Doesn't make anyone shallow for not wanting to settle for an unsatisfying sex life, whatever that may mean in their eyes.

Piliger

Piliger wrote: »

So you actually slept with the same guy ? How strange ....... and yet the OP didn't say she was not satisfied at all sexually. Thankfully the majority of women don't actually care about size.

Cut it out and stay constructive and helpful for OP please

LegacyUser

Op. I couldn't handle it. Penetrative sex is so important to me that I could not give it up no matter how much I liked him.

It is a personal thing. If you can have a fulfilling sex life without it and stay happy then good for you! But you are not being selfish.

Ellsbells

Yeah op I could not handle it. It's already an issue for you which would be difficult to gloss over.

I think it would be hard for me to get /stay turned on Knowing that penetrative part of sex would be a disappointment.

RoscommonTom

If it does help they sell cock extenders in sex shops and on the internet that might help, make the lenght and girth bigger, could be an answer to the problem if the rest of the realionshp is sound