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Lack of Experience

  • 30-08-2012 8:22am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    I am a 28 year old guy. I have never had a girlfriend, which I know at my age is strange and I am very inexperienced sexually. I've only had sex on 2 occassions, first when I lost my virginity when I was 23 and again 2 years ago when I was 26. Both of these times were after lots of alcohol and were not great.

    Anyway, that's the background. I have now met a really nice girl. She is 26. We have gone out a couple of times and have ended up kissing fairly passionately at the end of each date. I really like this girl, and think she feels the same, however, I know we are ultimately going to move onto a more physical phase i.e. sex. Given my lack of experience, for my age, and that my two times were rubbish, I'm dreading sleeping with her. I don't want to say anything to her, incase she thinks I'm strange and I don't know how I can try to make up for my lack of experience. I don't know how to deal with this problem and it's really playing on my mind. Any advice would be brilliant.


Comments

  • #2
    Gooner111
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 116 ✭✭Gooner111


    Not everyone can go out and get one night stands/dates/girlfriends etc whenever they want so there isn't anything strange about you at all.

    Chances are that sex between you two would just happen one night naturally. But given that you are worried about this and most likely putting ton of pressure on yourself I think honesty is best way to go. Talk to her and tell why your worried. I highly doubt she will think your strange and if she does then she isn't the right girl for you.

    As for the event itself remember the first time(s) with someone new isn't always great... it takes time to get to know someones likes/dislikes etc. Spend plenty of time on kissing and foreplay before attempting sex. Ask her what she likes too. Go at a pace your comfortable with and try not put pressure on yourself. Let it happen naturally.


  • #3
    decmanning
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 51 ✭✭decmanning


    Yeah as Gooner says honesty is the best way, if you dont talk to her about it then you are going to attempt to have sex with her while full of worry and it just wont happen and that will make the situation worse, sit her down and explain to her how you are not that experienced, maybe tell her something like you find it hard to find the connection with girls to go all the way and have sex but you feel like you have that connection with her, she will appreciate this more than trying to have sex and it being a disaster and making things uncomfortable, i doubt she will think any less of you for being inexperienced but think more highly of you for being honest and she will appreciate the honesty in the relationship so early on


  • #4
    Piliger
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,741 ✭✭✭Piliger


    Hi OP. Older guy. Been there, done that. You are unusual but far from unique. Lots of people are in your shoes at your age.

    You really need to realise that sex is not a competitive sport ! It is a sharing, loving, sensual ting that two people who care about each other do. So it doesn't matter how much 'experience' you have .... what matters is just being together and letting it flow.

    When it gets closer to the time when you feel it is on the agenda ... the best thing is to remain relaxed and tell her that you are not experienced and want her to know that .... I will bet you anything that you won't even get to the end of the sentence because she will stop you ... because she will tell you it doesn't matter ! Anxiety and stress are your only enemies in this whole thing. They are the only things that can spoil your time together .. so PLEASE relax and just go with the flow. It WILL be fine.


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