Is there any Gay man looking for love

xcitin121

hey i am a 28 year old guy from tipperary and i must say i have been told i am good looking etc i have never had trouble getting men and they quite like me....... only thing is that i cant seem to get them to talk or spend time for a coffee its just sex they want i have tried different dating sites n its all the same

i dont go out to gaybars in Limerick i prob went to cork a few times n dublin as well guys hit on me saying im nice but then asked do i want to go home for fun

and thats before they even ask me my name

ooooooooooo am i to live a life alone are we all to live it alone?????????????

is been gay soooooo promiscuous that after that one night when u think u found the one u dont hear from him or only when he is horny....

i hate camp really i dont mind talking with them but i cant date them also i dont like younger then i as i find it hard to talk with them without them saying omg see him he is gay or he is defo gay or its just gay gay gay gay gay....................

i want a man to be a man................ is there light at the end of the tunnel?:eek: or should i just stop bitchin and get on with life........ but its so lonely

Locker10a

um i know what you mean! But there is hope for you! Loads a guys have serious relationships and spend their lives togeather! There is hope! just keep looking! There is someone out there like your self looking for the same thing you just have to find him!
A good tip is when you meet guys on nights out dont sleep with them! Strictly swap numbers only and go on dates and dont sleep with them on the first date either! And if they continue to show interest in you then they are probably looking for more than a one night thing!

brokenice

Welcome to the club dude...welcome to the club! I honesty don't know anymore...and I really mean that...I'm just completely waiting for something to happen out of the blue one day. Obviously I'm not going to sit in my room waiting for it to happen, but I'm not limiting myself to gay clubs/pubs etc...I just get out there and enjoy life...and if it's meant to be, it's meant to be.

whattotdo

Hi OP,
I have the same experiences,most gay men I've met in clubs/online only want a one night stand-they aren't looking for a long term committed relationship.
It's only a minority of gay men I've encountered that want to be in a solid relationship so they are out there just alot harder found!
Homosexual males have a reputation for been 'promiscuous' and I think it's true and that's fine,some people want continuous ONS' others want one partner.
Regardless of sexuality I think alot of people are promiscuous,for some reason hetrosexual people haven't the same reputation for it

floggg

Homosexual males aren't promiscuous.

Males are promiscuous. It's just that women sometimes hold them back from being the playa they want to be.

Plenty of long term relationships out there and plenty of guys looking for them.

If you are attracting the wrong sort of guys, maybe instead of wondering what is wrong with all the other guys out there, maybe you should ask what are you doing wrong in your dating approach if you can't find or attract them.


Sorry, I don't mean to be harsh, but given there is a new thread here every two weeks or so about how hard it is to find love and how nobody else seems to be romantic or relationship orientated, it seems that there are in fact a large of number of relationship orientated guys out there who for whatever reason don't know how to go about finding a relationship.

xcitin121

floggg wrote: »

If you are attracting the wrong sort of guys, maybe instead of wondering what is wrong with all the other guys out there, maybe you should ask what are you doing wrong in your dating approach if you can't find or attract them.
.

its not like we go out with signs saying looking for long term but will settle for one night stand easy here

there are yes many ways to meet guys via gaydar plenty of fish etc n clubs but going threw all of them by the time u have the married guys n bi guys and mad horny guys u really have nothing left

its not about attracting a person for a relationship or one that will hold conversation its about finding that one person i think thata is de-tached from it i guess.

1ZRed

xcitin121 wrote: »

its not like we go out with signs saying looking for long term but will settle for one night stand easy here

there are yes many ways to meet guys via gaydar plenty of fish etc n clubs but going threw all of them by the time u have the married guys n bi guys and mad horny guys u really have nothing left

its not about attracting a person for a relationship or one that will hold conversation its about finding that one person i think thata is de-tached from it i guess.

Then you should stay away from sites and just stick to going out. You'll be lucky to find a guy who is after something more substantial then casual sex on those sites so I think it's best to cut them out, and clubs are the best way to start.
Whatever happened to meeting people through friends anymore or winging it with your mates at a bar/club?

Caiseoipe19

xcitin121 wrote: »

hey i am a 28 year old guy from tipperary and i must say i have been told i am good looking etc i have never had trouble getting men and they quite like me....... only thing is that i cant seem to get them to talk or spend time for a coffee its just sex they want i have tried different dating sites n its all the same

i dont go out to gaybars in Limerick i prob went to cork a few times n dublin as well guys hit on me saying im nice but then asked do i want to go home for fun

and thats before they even ask me my name

ooooooooooo am i to live a life alone are we all to live it alone?????????????

is been gay soooooo promiscuous that after that one night when u think u found the one u dont hear from him or only when he is horny....

i hate camp really i dont mind talking with them but i cant date them also i dont like younger then i as i find it hard to talk with them without them saying omg see him he is gay or he is defo gay or its just gay gay gay gay gay....................

i want a man to be a man................ is there light at the end of the tunnel?:eek: or should i just stop bitchin and get on with life........ but its so lonely

:rolleyes:

floggg

Your comments on camp and younger giys suggest you might be a bit "picky" to say the least.

I'm single at the minute, and while I'm not necessarily looking for a relationship I'm open to the idea. That said, I've meet plenty of guys in the last while who are looking for a relationship or something meaningful through a variety of sources - online, in bars/clubs or in other social settings. Now for whatever reason I haven't clicked with any of them enough to get into anything serious, but they seemed like great guys who were after what you were after.

I also know many gay friends who are in serious relationship, many long term.

So I know for a fact there are loads of relationship minded/romantic guys out there.

ongarboy

OP - do you have some friends you can go out with on the scene? I know it's unfortunate but sometimes, a guy standing at the bar/by the wall etc by himself is sometimes viewed as someone who is "up for it" by other interested parties in the sense of ONSs etc which means you may attract guys into only that (particularly as the night goes on and alco becomes more a factor for some). The downside of going out with friends however is that it can be assumed by others that you are either spoken for or not in need of companionship. That is where the eye flirting is important!

Maybe try heading out early some evening to a bar. I find you can strike up a more rivetting/rewarding conversation with someone earlier in the night when the music is not blaring and the place thronged with guys on the pull and maybe make that more important connection that you wouldn't make at 2am! As others have said here, there are plenty of guys out there looking for other than ONSs so you do just have to keep trying. You will eventually score!

Again, the recommendations much given in past threads would be to join gay or gay friendly sports or social clubs where I do think you have a good chance of meeting guys looking for something other than a ONS also.

Conor30

I think it can appeal to a man's sense of manhood that he isn't 'tied down' and he is free to 'wander'. Gay men who choose and seek only NSA are missing out, but that's their choice I suppose. Many of us are left only with the option of NSA unfortunately! I think relationship-phobic men feel they have got their family, friends, career, pets and life in general to fulfill them completely - and can get laid without many of the complications a relationship may bring.


Found this interesting article:

http://www.pinknews.co.uk/2012/04/08/comment-why-do-so-many-gay-guys-not-do-relationships/

xcitin121

Conor30 wrote: »

I think it can appeal to a man's sense of manhood that he isn't 'tied down' and he is free to 'wander'. Gay men who choose and seek only NSA are missing out, but that's their choice I suppose. Many of us are left only with the option of NSA unfortunately! I think relationship-phobic men feel they have got their family, friends, career, pets and life in general to fulfill them completely - and can get laid without many of the complications a relationship may bring.


Found this interesting article:

http://www.pinknews.co.uk/2012/04/08/comment-why-do-so-many-gay-guys-not-do-relationships/

u know its right what u said.............. i think really to look at it i asked a st8 friend of mine the same question about love n gay n all he said

sex if its easy to get anywhere with all the apps like grinder and scruff etc why would you want one person when u can have a whole lot as easy as walking down the street..... is it sex is so available.. that love is not available

and with all the apps and sites that are out there are we really going to be faithful.... if in a relationship when its offered on a plate ............ :P

i_steal_sheep

xcitin121 wrote: »

and with all the apps and sites that are out there are we really going to be faithful.... if in a relationship when its offered on a plate

That has nothing got to do with being Gay, Straight or whatever... You're completely missing the idea of what a relationship is about. A relationship is not an obligation nor should it be a commitment that is forced upon you. It's based on trust and a willingness to share your life with another. It's about friendship and mutual respect. It's about love, satisfaction and compassion for what's going on in each others lives. It's about enjoying the good and surviving the bad. When you've got all that, you are not going to have grindr on your phone.

xcitin121

i_steal_sheep wrote: »

That has nothing got to do with being Gay, Straight or whatever... You're completely missing the idea of what a relationship is about. A relationship is not an obligation nor should it be a commitment that is forced upon you. It's based on trust and a willingness to share your life with another. It's about friendship and mutual respect. It's about love, satisfaction and compassion for what's going on in each others lives. It's about enjoying the good and surviving the bad. When you've got all that, you are not going to have grindr on your phone.

if it was really about all that u said divorce would be null and void.... there is always a loop hole..... if it was offered on a plate most men would say ?????????

say_who_now?

xcitin121 wrote: »

if it was really about all that u said divorce would be null and void.... there is always a loop hole..... if it was offered on a plate most men would say ?????????

...you need to grow up?

i_steal_sheep

xcitin121 wrote: »

if it was really about all that u said divorce would be null and void.... there is always a loop hole..... if it was offered on a plate most men would say ?????????

Ah come on. Loopholes? For real?

If it was offerend on a plate, most men who are in a proper relationship would just go home to their partner. You probably need to think about what it is that you are after. Are you sure you really want a relationship?

am i to live a life alone are we all to live it alone

floggg

I know I'm coming across rude here but why is it the guys who say they are the only ones looking for love who actually have the most cynical view of men and relationships.

Casual sex will never replace what you get out of a relationship. A person who is looking for one generally won't be satisfied with the other.

If you only look for a relationship in settings more appropriate to casual sex, your unlikely to find it. You can't blame the guys there for the sex though since you're looking in the wrong place.

yagguy

Here's one potential answer to the OP's question:

Maybe look for an LTR with an older guy?

1ZRed

floggg wrote: »

I know I'm coming across rude here but why is it the guys who say they are the only ones looking for love who actually have the most cynical view of men and relationships

No you're perfectly right, it's the men that let their own hang ups get the way of what they want and then blame other guy gays for it that have these issues.

OP, have a bit more faith in men and see that not everyone will dump your ass for the next best one that comes along. That's the deal with a relationship and it's one I've been more than happy to comply with when I have been in them. Why do I bother when I could be getting an easy fuck whenever I wanted? Because when I'm in those sort of situations and with someone, I only have eyes and interest for them. No amount of easy sex or "loop holes" could change it for me because I'd be satisfied and content with who I was already with.

A hook up only gives you sex and that's not all a relationship is. If it was, there would be no such thing. So why not stop looking at men as just the stereotype and the image? We are individual people, some more loyal than others, so I don't buy into that train of thought that the majority of gay men only want sex and nothing more afterwards.
Clear that idea out of your head and have a positive outlook on the situation and you'll be doing alright. It's human nature to want to pair up, sexuality doesn't change that.

Conor30

I'm a bit surprised at some of the replies in this thread. I for one think some people are going a bit hard on xcitin121. It's a legitimate question he's posed and one that many's a gay man has thought about but not one that a lot would voice.

floggg

Conor30 wrote: »

I'm a bit surprised at some of the replies in this thread. I for one think some people are going a bit hard on xcitin121. It's a legitimate question he's posed and one that many's a gay man has thought about but not one that a lot would voice.

The thing is it is voiced a lot. There are loads of threads like this. And most time it's guys with misconception about gay men looking for boyfriends who fit a narrow set of criteria in limited settings, like online, which aren't particularly conducive to finding the meaningful relationship they seek.

And the misconception that gay men are shallow, or don't or can't enter meaningful relationships pisses me off because it implies I'm either shallow and unwilling/unable to commit to a relationship or else that I'm a rare breed that's destined to be alone because I'll never find a guy who wants the same things as me.

cartell_best

OP, there are good guys out there. I don't know if its a case of the right place and the right time or just "love at first sight". I wouldn't become disheartened or lose faith, because it could happen at anytime. You could walk into pub or when you get on a bus and then you'll feel something when you see a certain someone. It could be through a dating site or through a mutual friend, who knows? I think that it truly is when we stop looking for something, it turns up out of the blue, a bit like leaving your keys in the last place you'd ever thought they'd be.

jimbeary

Hi xcitin121 i sent you an email hope you got it love to get to know you

Rick_

I hope there are gay men looking for love, otherwise I'm screwed and am gonna end up alone for the rest of my life!

1ZRed

Paddy C wrote: »

I hope there are gay men looking for love, otherwise I'm screwed and am gonna end up alone for the rest of my life!

It's human nature to want to couple up, regardless of sexuality, so relax! You'll be fine. Gay men aren't special in that they don't settle down someday with somebody.

Walker77

1ZRed wrote: »

It's human nature to want to couple up, regardless of sexuality, so relax! You'll be fine. Gay men aren't special in that they don't settle down someday with somebody.

Very good comment. Everybody needs ove and no matter your sexuality you need someone to hold onto. In good and bad you need someone to be there for you and burden your load and to love you for you

Aurongroove

I'm no longer looking for love, because looking for love doesn't seem to mean you'll find it.

It's seems to be an accidental encounter sort of thing and any effort to meet love half way makes you look like a big weirdo which sends people running to the hills. Almost like when you go into a shop with pushy sales folk but you want to buy their service any ways and you say "shut up and take my money". They almost don't know what do with you.

From now on I shall browse for love willy nilly and if an aggressive sales person for loves hassles me with a sales effort I will entertain their sales pitch.

Walker77

Aurongroove wrote: »

I'm no longer looking for love, because looking for love doesn't seem to mean you'll find it.

It's seems to be an accidental encounter sort of thing and any effort to meet love half way makes you look like a big weirdo which sends people running to the hills. Almost like when you go into a shop with pushy sales folk but you want to buy their service any ways and you say "shut up and take my money". They almost don't know what do with you.

From now on I shall browse for love willy nilly and if an aggressive sales person for loves hassles me with a sales effort I will entertain their sales pitch.

Keep looking for love . you will find it in the strangest places. You may require love to satisify in different forms. The love is self centered and comes from someone who is forever giving and not without. You can be the lover that is always giving and gets little in return. You decide. Not matter what they are numeral different wys of meeting that someone special. In m case I have a beautiful Man who is kind caring gentle and likes a laugh but is crancy and annoying at other times but I would'nt give him up for no one. in the lifestyle I lead I could not ask for anything better. He is there for me no matter what and I would live a lesser life without him.

stephen_n

xcitin121 wrote: »

if it was really about all that u said divorce would be null and void.... there is always a loop hole..... if it was offered on a plate most men would say ?????????

That is a rather over simplified view of relationships, to say the least. If you view a relationship as purely sex on an ongoing basis that would make sense, if you view it as sharing your life with someone, then it's very different. The idea of long term relationship, is difficult regardless of sexuality, it requires hard work, give and take and sex is a minor but important part of the bond. Divorce happens because people grow and develop in different directions, sometimes this can be brought back in line but often it can't. Most lasting relationships are built on friendship and mutual respect, strong enough to respect the individuals, while maintaing the bond! You seem to have a very mills and boom ideal of relationships and maybe questioning that, would be a good place to start in finding out what you want and achieving it!

Sir Pompous Righteousness

floggg wrote: »

I know I'm coming across rude here but why is it the guys who say they are the only ones looking for love who actually have the most cynical view of men and relationships.

"I am a strong independent black woman homosexual who don't need no man!"

Sir Pompous Righteousness

Paddy C wrote: »

I hope there are gay men looking for love, otherwise I'm screwed and am gonna end up alone for the rest of my life!

I'm finding out that there are plenty of 30-something year old gay men who've had their fun when they were in their 20s and are now want to settle down.