regret not saying more

LegacyUser

Hi all,

My Grandmother passed away a little over 3 weeks ago, I was very, very close to her and my Grandfather. I asked could I give the eulogy at the end of the mass for my Grandmother if no one in the family wanted to, I made a total mess of it, I lay awake most nights since and think why didn't I say X, Y or Z. I left out so many things and while I understand people don't want someone standing up and going on for ages, what I gave was way too short. I got a dig from my Grandmother's daughter that it was "a bit on the short side", my mother trying to save face replied well it was a bit but it was to the point. The second I finished I knew I didn't say enough as there was this big pause before one or two people clapped, people were expecting more, I just knew I said way to little. Not one of my family or extented family mentioned it to me after the funeral, be good or bad or did you forget to say some stuff, did you get upset... nothing bar those two comments.

I haven't been home since and have just about spoke to my mother on the phone and tend to just send texts. I'm so ashamed and feel I let one of the greatest person whom I've ever known, down.

It's her month anniversary mass this weekend and I don't know if I can go, I feel I let my whole family down. Should I talk to my mother and see what she thinks ? Is there any point now as I'll only get to make amends with my family and not all the people who were in the church. I'm really lost as what to do.

Daisy M

You are way too hard on yourself. The fact that you got up there speaks volumes and was a brave thing to do. Many families do not say a eulogy as there is no one who is up to doing one as its such an emotional time or they recite a verse.
Go to the anniversary or you will just cause yourself more angst. What is more importantis how you treat people in life and not how much you wax lyrical about them after they are gone, it sounds as if you loved your grandparents dearly and this is something they were aware of so you should be proud. All the best.

sadie06

Do not beat yourself about this. A eulogy is normally a group effort in the writing, delivered by one person. You really should have been given a hand preparing it, and if anybody wanted something specific said they should have approached you!

You should also realise that many prepared eulogies end up cut short also, as it is just too hard for some people to speak when it comes down to it. You did the very best you could in difficult circumstances, so be kind to yourself and put it behind you now.

jellygems

my nanny passed away on the 22nd of june this year, she as good as raised me and my sisters with my mam,

i did her eulogy, because we didnt always see eye to eye but i loved her and i wanted to make her proud of me one last time, girl you stood up in front of a church full of people when you lost someone you loved, and you spoke about he r no matter how short or long it was... i have no doubt you did her proud... i couldnt even tell u the amount of people who said to me how brave i was, i laughed, cried and trembled throught mine n yet i know i did her proud because i spoke from the heart like im sure you did.

go to her months mind, u will regret it if you dont, and im sorry for your loss x stop beating urself up

Stheno

I regretted being the stiff and freaky person that I am and not telling someone close to me who died that I loved them.

But they knew, it was more the small things I did.

No one is ever going to blame you for choking up, you did your best, go to the months mind and remember your loved one for who they were, not what you forgot to say.

Tapping girl

First of all, I'm sorry that your Grandmother died. You must have loved her a lot to stand up in front of everyone and give a eulogy - and no one else did it so be proud of yourself that you were able to do what you did. I'm sure it was such an emotional day, so actually standing up there at all was amazing. If it was me, I don't think I could have done it. And public speaking, even without the added emotion, can be not that easy.

You could try writing your grandmother a letter, telling about all the wonderful things she brought to your life, and know that she will hear you.

Please be kind and gentle to yourself. If it was your best friend telling you this story, what would you say to them? Sometimes we are our worst critics. good luck.