Age....

quantity surveying

Age .....
New to this whole boards.ie, so not so sure if im in the right place or not, but I'll wing it.

Has age always been a huge thing with women? .. the reason I ask is..

I was out a few weeks ago and simply got chatting to this girl.. had a bit of a laugh and some banter.. so it came to the point in the night were I was going in for the kill......... and suddenly out of nowhere .... she asks .. "how old are you?"

I instantly could hear the concern in her voice and decided it was work the risk ( really fancied her ).. and .. ok I lied a little , Responded with "im 31" ( Im 26 .. I look abt 31, if not older )

So anyway, kissed , exchanged number and played along texting eachother
for a few days, until i was overcome with guilt .. a little guilt and came clean.

I have since met her out on a night out... where she porceeded to tell me she wants "a man not a boy!!!" to which im sort of disgusted a little, ive achieved alot at 26, and personally think im very sensible and grounded.

But anyway.. still ended up kissing her and well ..

Have text and invited her out to do some activities at the weekend and drinks, to which i recieved little or no reply ...

Sort of stumped here.... if she is looking for a "man not a boy", by way of being non responsive to texts surely shows a level of imaturity on her part ..??

Anyway bottom line is, i actually do really like the girl ... but her issue over age seems to be a big factor.

I sort of understand from an outside perspective that ... ok .. shes 30 and wants to find someone to start a life with ... i could be wrong ... and just a boy

I'd appreciated the guidence !

Thanks a lot

R

gara

It's not your age I'd be concerned about but the fact that you lied about it

quantity surveying

i came clean ... more or less straight away !! which I think she appreciated, basically said that, i fancied her and i thought it was worth the risk at the time, hearing the concern in her voice just led me to believe i hadnt a hope if i told the truth there and then

LegacyUser

Op this is of course a huge generalisation but I know where shes coming from, just from my own experience, I'm 27 and the amount of players and messers I've experienced with guys your age and younger, I think once you reach 27 and upwards as a woman you want stability and a proper full on relationship, and guys your age today just don't seem interested in a serious relationship, so even I at 27 want an older man, just couldn't be bothered dealing with the hassle guys my own age bring. I dont even think it's a maturity thing, it's about the guy being at a stage in his life where he wants to commit to a long term relationship and most guys in their mid/late twenties just aren't at that stage. As a woman we kinda don't have the extra years to spare to waste chasing a short term relationship once we hit our 30s, if we want kids, just with the old clock ticking...it's sad but thats just me being brutally honest of my own experience of the dating scene, and I apologise for the horrible stereotypes and generalisations, and I'm sure there are loads and loads of men and women who are the opposite to everything I've said... but guess it's another perspective which may give you an insight

Lorna123

You still lied at first so now she doesn't know what to believe and hence she is a bit hasty. I don't think that 4 years her junior is a biggie at all, so hang on in there and it might work out.

Ellsbells

Yeah it's the lying that's the problem. If if were me and someone told me a lie at the start I wouldn't bother continuing. It would be a huge red flag.

jellygems

yeah the lie would kill it for me, im 31 and wouldnt date anyone younger than me the maturity levels wuld be way to difference

just my two pence worth!!

Meauldsegosha

OP you say you ended up "kissing her and well ...", does the and well ... mean what I think it means? If that's the case I don't blame this lady from being annoyed with you.

I don't think women have a huge problem with age in general. 5 years wouldn't be a problem for me.

Esoteric_

I don't have an issue with age gaps (probably because I'm only 23 myself :pac: ) but I'd have a huge issue with the fact that you lied about it.

I generally end up dating/kissing guys that are older than me, but not because I'm fussy, it just happens. One guy I ended up kissing on a night out heard about this and told me he was 26. Ended up kissing him, he asked for my number, gave it. Talked about going on a date. His friend informs me that he's actually 21. Not an age gap issue with me, but the lies were so I cut contact.

It doesn't matter how soon you told her, you lied straight off.


Do you not realise that this, in her mind, will just confirm what she thought; that you're too immature? 'cause lying about your age is an immature thing to do. It would have validated in her mind all her reasons for not dating younger men.

Piliger

Hi OP.

The lie is meaningless. Women have been lying about their age for millennia and still lie about it constantly. That is the truth of the matter. They lie about it to make themselves older when they are in their teens and to make themselves younger after 30. So you have nothing to feel bad about on that score.

You don't mention her age in the post so I guess we have to surmise that she is a lot older ? And do remember that 'broadly' speaking ... women tend to go for men older than themselves.

This old adage about age being just a number ? it's bollox. You are 26 and there is nothing you can do that will change you into a 35 year old man. 10 years of life is a lot and you can't fake it. This lady is looking for a mature man and that's the beginning and end of it.

You are also transparently 26 when you talk about going 'in for the kill' and "But anyway.. still ended up kissing her and well ..". No offence OP, but how juvenile can one be. I really think you should stick with your own age group.

Ellsbells

Piliger wrote: »

. Women have been lying about their age for millennia and still lie about it constantly.

All women? Women you know? Thats B S... No one I know lies about their age, constantly or infrequently.

Lorna123

In fairness now I do think that Piliger is right here when he says that women have been lying about their age for centuries. That is a fact. Of course not all women lie and not all men lie, this is just a generalisation, not to be taken literally. I think OP that this woman is just disappointed that you are younger than she is and would have preferred had you been older. She was under the illusion that you were older because you told her so but now you are younger so that changes it for her. It would be different if she knew from the get go and wanted to see you anyway but that doesn't look like the case here. Maybe she feels that you won't be hanging around for long on account of your age. Why not ask her straight out if the age thing makes a difference and see where you can go from there.

Ellsbells

Well obviously men lie about their age too.

curlzy

Hey OP,

I'm 30 and my fianceé is 28, I don't have any issue with that whatsoever. But it's like everything. Some people will see your lie as harmless and not exactly unusual, others will decide it means your an untrustworthy liar :rolleyes: Everyone's different.

Maybe forget about her as she doesn't sound like the nicest to be honest, no replying to you is just rude. So yeah in answer to the question "is age a huge thing with women?", the answer is "no, to some but not all" pretty much the same answer as to the questions "do women like tall men?", "do women like small men?" "do women like serious men?" or "do women like silly men?". Basically women are as varied as men in their likes/dislikes, trying to generalise about people's preferences based on gender won't lead you anywhere good or sensible.

blatantrereg

quantity surveying wrote: »

Sort of stumped here.... if she is looking for a "man not a boy", by way of being non responsive to texts surely shows a level of imaturity on her part ..??

Yes absolutely. She belittled you, got off with you, and now is ignoring you. She sounds like a twat tbh.

She probably will get back to you I think, but why would you want to start meeting someone who seems to want you to apologise just for being you. Best to forget about her I reckon.

Piliger

I guess this is what happens when young lads try to date older women. They can't fake maturity.

pinkdaisy

Am I the only one that thinks her lack of reply or interest in you just means that she's just not that into you? If a woman really likes you I don't think she's gonna make age an issue.

blatantrereg

pinkdaisy wrote: »

Am I the only one that thinks her lack of reply or interest in you just means that she's just not that into you? If a woman really likes you I don't think she's gonna make age an issue.

I read it that she does like him. However I think she's a big drama queen who wants to create a bizarre kerfuffle. I think she feels she'll gain the upper hand in any relationship that develops by doing this.

pinkdaisy

blatantrereg wrote: »

I read it that she does like him. However I think she's a big drama queen who wants to create a bizarre kerfuffle. I think she feels she'll gain the upper hand in any relationship that develops by doing this.

I am not sure where you read it that she does like him. The way I read it, she met him on a night out, kissed him and decided to ask what his age was, as obviously she was looking for a man of a certain age similar to hers.

She then got the answer from the OP that she didn't want. If age wasn't an issue for her she wouldn't have asked in the first place.

And besides all of that, if a man is basing everything he knows about a woman from a drunken night out then he's delusional.

OP, have you met this woman sober? If no, then seriously cut your losses.