Should I just end it?

LegacyUser

I've been going out with a guy for 2 and a half months. He's a great guy, he's quite shy and I am his first girlfriend. We are both 22.
I have posted here before about him because he is busy a lot of of the time and he's not great for keeping in contact. He's in a band and the town marching band so between one thing and another he is busy every evening from 6 o'clock and busy all weekend.
If I text him he could take hours to text back or else he answers once of twice and then just doesn't respond. The same thing happen's if he texts first.
We never call each other because never of us can afford it. This means we only really talk when we are face to face which is not that often.
When we do hang out we have nowhere to go because we both live with our parents and I have a young child who I have with me 99% of the time so it's not easy. We hardly ever get any alone time.
Now he's moving to go back to college. He will be gone from Monday to Friday and the college is over an hour away. He will be back a few evenings a week to take part in hobbies but I won't be able to see him then. He will still be busy nearly all weekend apart from an hour or two he might have free during the day.
We both really like each other but I honestly don't think it's going to work out when he moves. Any time I've hinted this he just says it will be fine and he doesn't want to break up. I already feel a bit pushed aside because of how busy he is now and I feel like I'd end up resenting him if I hardly ever get to see him.

Should I just end it? I know I would really miss him if we broke up but I don't see how its going to work. Any opinions?

nowyouresix

I agree with you, end it. If it's just so difficult, and he's not really keeping in contact, then really there's nothing there....
Best of luck

red_poppy

I think your right to be concerned OP. Maybe you should sit down with him and explain your concerns and that how you see it for the relationship to work for you he would have to make more of an effort and if that is something he can't do then it's just not going to work. It sounds like if it dragged on any further you would end up being very frustrated. How often would ye meet up?? The lack of contact via text would annoy me too though if its something that goes on constantly. Is he aware that when he doesn't get back to you at times when ye are in contact via text bothers you???

Stavro Mueller

It's all very half-baked, isn't it? Some of it doesn't make sense either.

On the calls thing, why couldn't ye just switch to the same phone network? Most of them have free network to network calls and texts.

I notice he's finding plenty of time for his hobbies but not for you. Is his life really that busy that he can't find time to meet you at all?

It's easy for him to say he wants to carry on. He's got a full life and is going back to college. I'm assuming that you're much more curtailed because you have a small child. Chances are you're not on the same page at all.

Have you actually sat him down and told him face to face what you've told us? I might be reading too much into this but I get the impression that you're not communicating very well. Texts are wonderful but they're a great way of sending out mixed messages and not explaining things very well. The same with these hints you referred to. If you want to know for sure whether he's committed to this or not, you could try spelling things out in black and white and see what he comes up with.

LegacyUser

We only see each other about once a week at the moment, maybe twice. Any time we meet up it's because I call him and arrange it. Every meeting is cut really short though because he always has to run off to do something.
Another annoying thing is when I ask him to let me know about something, whatever it is, he never will get back to me and I have to end up calling him about it.

The weird thing is that I know he's mad about me. He has liked me for years before we got together and I hear it back from mutual friends that he's always talking about me. He seems committed to the relationship because he's already talking about what we could do next summer. He also keeps acting like my childs dad when shes with us which annoys me, but that's another story!

I just don't get why he's so committed in one way but is making no effort at the same time. I'm so confused!

Peanut2011

OP, I've had a friend who was like that. He had many hobbies and no real time for girlfriends. He would date and all but it would not last as his hobbies always came first. Now, few years later and a right woman by his side it's totally different story.

He may like you and all but if he is not willing to sacrifice some of the time for you than I am afraid that relationship is not going anywhere. You are better off parting in a nice way and who knows maybe in the future the two of you might try again, when you's have more time for each other.

Either way best of luck.

stargazer 68

Mollyx22x wrote: »

Any time we meet up it's because I call him and arrange it. Every meeting is cut really short though because he always has to run off to do something.
Another annoying thing is when I ask him to let me know about something, whatever it is, he never will get back to me and I have to end up calling him about it.

He seems committed to the relationship because he's already talking about what we could do next summer. He also keeps acting like my childs dad when shes with us which annoys me, but that's another story!

I just don't get why he's so committed in one way but is making no effort at the same time. I'm so confused!

Seriously OP why would you want to be with someone who clearly makes no effort and 'annoys you' with the stuff he does! Stop chasing after him and make your own plans - you are a big girl. Maybe once you stop he might get the message!

Ellsbells

Mollyx22x wrote: »

The weird thing is that I know he's mad about me. He has liked me for years before we got together and I hear it back from mutual friends that he's always talking about me.

Sometimes young guys or just some guys in general want soemthing but when they get it, it loses its lustre...

He is not showing his interest by his actions and thats all you need to know. Talk is cheap.

Pippy1976

Mollyx22x wrote: »

I know I would really miss him if we broke up but I don't see how its going to work. Any opinions?

How can you miss what you don't have? This isn't much of a relationship at the moment... he needs to really put in the effort or, in my opinion, you should move on.

Neither of these things can be arrived at until you speak to him though.

P. Breathnach

I remember your previous thread Molly.

It's clear that his first love is music, and that includes everything connected with his world of music. He probably does care for you, but you are very much lower in his priorities than would be normal for relationships.

The majority of people - I think a very large majority - would not accept that.

red_poppy

Ellsbells wrote: »

Sometimes young guys or just some guys in general want soemthing but when they get it, it loses its lustre...

He is not showing his interest by his actions and thats all you need to know. Talk is cheap.

So very true! Words are cheap, actions are what really matter.

Stavro Mueller

Pippy1976 wrote: »

How can you miss what you don't have? This isn't much of a relationship at the moment... he needs to really put in the effort or, in my opinion, you should move on.

Neither of these things can be arrived at until you speak to him though.

While I think he is being remarkably casual about all of this, it might be worth giving him a reality check. Tell him all the things you've said to us here. This needs to be brought to a head. You may not get the answers you'd like but at least it'd be an answer.