My man is cheating on me!!!

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I've been with my man for few years now and we have an infant. He works out of the country but this time when he came home he was acting strange. His phone was always in his pocket and he lied about when he arrived for his visit (we do not leave together) I saw a bus ticket from Dublin. Anyway I let that slide and didnt confront him.

Just few hours before he traveled out of the country, I went through his phone (I shouldn't have) but I did. I found texts from girls in the country that he is working for. One read "Thanks for a beautiful night but it cannot happen again, we shouldnt see each other again". I got upset and confronted him, he denied it of course.

I cannot tolerate a man who cheats (it has happened to me before), what I came to ask is am I being irrational to end it with him. Im breastfeeding and he could be putting our baby at risk to diseases (assuming he is unfaithful). I cant risk it.

Any advice.

ihsb

I am sure you know in your gut if he is lying or not. If you want to forgive him or ignore it then do... you are worried about putting your baby at risk in the mean time. Insist on wearing condoms with him and get yourself tested. Continue to use the protection until you trust him again.

On the cheating. You cannot really move on if he doesn't tell you the truth... or maybe he is. Just give it time, you need to decide what is best for you. That will be what is best for your child aswell.

2bcontinued

Thank you.

LegacyUser

2bcontinued wrote: »

I've been with my man for few years now and we have an infant. He works out of the country but this time when he came home he was acting strange. His phone was always in his pocket and he lied about when he arrived for his visit (we do not leave together) I saw a bus ticket from Dublin. Anyway I let that slide and didnt confront him.

Just few hours before he traveled out of the country, I went through his phone (I shouldn't have) but I did. I found texts from girls in the country that he is working for. One read "Thanks for a beautiful night but it cannot happen again, we shouldnt see each other again". I got upset and confronted him, he denied it of course.

I cannot tolerate a man who cheats (it has happened to me before), what I came to ask is am I being irrational to end it with him. Im breastfeeding and he could be putting our baby at risk to diseases (assuming he is unfaithful). I cant risk it.

Any advice.

i think it's pretty damn obvious that he's cheating.....i know that must be hard to accept but it's better to deal with it now than deal with it later...only you can decide what to do.

Piliger

2bcontinued wrote: »

I've been with my man for few years now and we have an infant. He works out of the country but this time when he came home he was acting strange. His phone was always in his pocket and he lied about when he arrived for his visit (we do not leave together) I saw a bus ticket from Dublin. Anyway I let that slide and didnt confront him.

Just few hours before he traveled out of the country, I went through his phone (I shouldn't have) but I did. I found texts from girls in the country that he is working for. One read "Thanks for a beautiful night but it cannot happen again, we shouldnt see each other again". I got upset and confronted him, he denied it of course.

I cannot tolerate a man who cheats (it has happened to me before), what I came to ask is am I being irrational to end it with him. Im breastfeeding and he could be putting our baby at risk to diseases (assuming he is unfaithful). I cant risk it.

Any advice.

Maybe English has suddenly become my second language overnight .. but I don't read any proof that he is cheating. I see evidence that he is definitely in contact with some other women and has possibly been on a date with one. And don't get me wrong ... that is NOT a good thing. On the other hand he probably gets lonely abroad and maybe he's given in to some temptation but hasn't actually had sex with anyone.

You say you cannot tolerate cheating, so it seems you need to start actually talking to your bf about this. No amount of conjecture will throw any light on it or solve it. Only you can do that. So get a baby sitter and tackle him straight up.

Honestly i think you know he is cheating on you deep down. i think for your childs sake you'd be mad to stay with him. you will be better off maybe not financially but you'll get there. months will be difficult but if you have a good family network you will come out stronger.

Kimia

Piliger wrote: »

Maybe English has suddenly become my second language overnight .. but I don't read any proof that he is cheating. I see evidence that he is definitely in contact with some other women and has possibly been on a date with one. And don't get me wrong ... that is NOT a good thing. On the other hand he probably gets lonely abroad and maybe he's given in to some temptation but hasn't actually had sex with anyone.

You say you cannot tolerate cheating, so it seems you need to start actually talking to your bf about this. No amount of conjecture will throw any light on it or solve it. Only you can do that. So get a baby sitter and tackle him straight up.

What? He gave some other girl 'a beautiful night' - that would raise huge red flags with me. I agree with you that she should tackle him but there's giving the benefit of the doubt and then there's being blind.

Piliger

Kimia wrote: »

What? He gave some other girl 'a beautiful night' - that would raise huge red flags with me. I agree with you that she should tackle him but there's giving the benefit of the doubt and then there's being blind.

I went out on a prelim date two weeks ago. We had coffee in a coffee shop for a few hours.

After getting home that evening ... about 11pm I got a text saying thanks for a 'beautiful night'.

When you want to see something you will.

Stavro Mueller

I'm not sure it's the same thing. The line "Thanks for a beautiful night but it cannot happen again, we shouldn't see each other again" strongly implies something inappropriate happened. It could have a perfectly innocent explanation of course but I struggle to see it.

CommanderC

2bcontinued wrote: »

Just few hours before he traveled out of the country, I went through his phone (I shouldn't have) but I did. I found texts from girls in the country that he is working for. One read "Thanks for a beautiful night but it cannot happen again, we shouldnt see each other again".

Piliger wrote: »

Maybe English has suddenly become my second language overnight .. but I don't read any proof that he is cheating.

CommanderC

Piliger wrote: »

I went out on a prelim date two weeks ago. We had coffee in a coffee shop for a few hours.

After getting home that evening ... about 11pm I got a text saying thanks for a 'beautiful night'.

When you want to see something you will.

Did you also text-' it shouldnt happen again, we shouldnt see each other again'

No you didn't. Because you just told us that all you did on the date was have coffee in a coffee shop

Kimia

^^

And presumably you're not in a serious relationship with someone else.

Piliger

cymbaline wrote: »

It could have a perfectly innocent explanation of course but I struggle to see it.

My point exactly.

judgefudge

It seems fairly obvious to me that he has cheated, and even if he is not sleeping with this other women clearly something inappropriate is going on.

As for the "maybe he is lonely and went on a date" response. I don't think that's acceptable either to be honest. He may be lonely but that's no excuse to look for attention from other women. Surely he has friends or could make friends?

I was cheated on while in a long distance relationship. I found out and he denied it of course, I hung in there for a while trying to believe it didn't happen. In the end a couple of months later I learned the full extent of the situation. I'd go with your gut on this one op. whatever it may be that's telling you, you're the only one who actually knows him.

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wfwdddd wrote: »

i think it's pretty damn obvious that he's cheating.....i know that must be hard to accept but it's better to deal with it now than deal with it later...only you can decide what to do.

I have decided to end it, I love him I wont lie however I love myself even more and its my duty to protect my child.

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Kimia wrote: »

What? He gave some other girl 'a beautiful night' - that would raise huge red flags with me. I agree with you that she should tackle him but there's giving the benefit of the doubt and then there's being blind.

'A beautiful night' I have hardly seen one for a very long time from him. While I am busy nursing his child alone he is chasing them girls.

so have you ended it. how did it go. hope your ok

aidan24326

Piliger wrote: »

Maybe English has suddenly become my second language overnight .. but I don't read any proof that he is cheating.

The text he received from the girl 'thanks for a beautiful night but we shouldn't do this again' is very hard to interpret in any other way now is it? I don't believe in jumping to conclusions normally but that one seems pretty clearcut, and I'd be amazed if there was an innocent explanation to it. I don't see how there could be. I doubt if a 'beautiful night' that 'can't happen again' involved them discussing a work project or playing scrabble.

tbh

Piliger wrote: »

I went out on a prelim date two weeks ago. We had coffee in a coffee shop for a few hours.

After getting home that evening ... about 11pm I got a text saying thanks for a 'beautiful night'.

When you want to see something you will.

if the OPs OH did that, it's still cheating. You do see that, don't you?

Even if it was only a date, it's still cheating.

curlzy

Well I think you did the right thing OP. So you're here alone in Ireland, minding his child and he's off chasing skirt in another country? You'd want to be a real eejit to put up with that so I'm glad to see you've decided to finish it.

Go see a solicitor to put maintenance and custody agreement in place, it can take ages so probably best of starting the ball rolling.

Best to luck to you and your child.

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foxylass wrote: »

so have you ended it. how did it go. hope your ok

I have ended it, (heart is breaking) but I know that once a person cheats and you take them back, they often see you a pushover and they will most definitely do it again. (my ex cheating on me over and over again) I would be a fool to let myself go through that kind of pain again.

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curlzy wrote: »

Well I think you did the right thing OP. So you're here alone in Ireland, minding his child and he's off chasing skirt in another country? You'd want to be a real eejit to put up with that so I'm glad to see you've decided to finish it.

Go see a solicitor to put maintenance and custody agreement in place, it can take ages so probably best of starting the ball rolling.

Best to luck to you and your child.

Will do, he supports his child (at the moment) now I am trying to pick up the pieces.

Thanks

Whippersnapper

2bcontinued wrote: »

I have ended it, (heart is breaking) but I know that once a person cheats and you take them back, they often see you a pushover and they will most definitely do it again. (my ex cheating on me over and over again) I would be a fool to let myself go through that kind of pain again.

I admire your courage. Once the trust is gone in a relationship you can never truly get it back. My ex dabbled with drugs and didn't tell me (knew it would be a dealbreaker for me). When they eventually told me (out of guilt) my trust in them disappeared. Stupidly, I forgave them and asked that we don't keep any more secrets. My partner continued to dabble with drugs until I realised that once the trust is gone, love isn't enough.

I really do admire your strength and respect for yourself. Best wishes to you and your child.

Ickle Magoo

2bcontinued wrote: »

I have ended it, (heart is breaking) but I know that once a person cheats and you take them back, they often see you a pushover and they will most definitely do it again. (my ex cheating on me over and over again) I would be a fool to let myself go through that kind of pain again.

As you have made your decision, I'll lock this thread. Please note you are under no obligations to give updates and that asking for them is against the forum charter. If you require further advice on this issue and wish this thread re-opened please contact a PI mod, or you are free to start another thread if there is another issue you require advice on.

All the very best.