BPD ex Girlfriend?

LegacyUser

Hello,

I am looking for this info about personality disorder, to try and understand what and why I went through with the girl I love. and it all sounds very similar. She did everything she could to make me love her, to show me she needs me and make me feel sorry for her and care and worry about her all the time. She was sending me messages all day, promising me the world, that she loves me and never want anyone like she want me. want to marry me, we will have beautiful kids, etc etc. it was like that for months and we were far away and most of the contact was by phone. we only were together for a week. and more than a year by phone. and all this time she was treating me like she loves me, but still was cold, didnt respect me and she was living with her ex still, and had guy friends who were in love with her or wanted her and she didnt want to give up or change anything in her lifestyle for me. didnt appreciate me and acted like she don't owe me anything and we are not together. I was hurt and stressed all the time because I was deeply in love with her and she drove me crazy with her behave - selfish, cold, unstable, etc. we had a fight almost every day. she did things on purpose to make me angry, jelous, and to show me that she can do what she want and then when I said I don't want her anymore and its over she say she is sorry and love me and made me feel sorry for her and feel that she love me and need me and that its the right thing and we are "meant to be" and remind me all the time how hard her life is and how bad was her past. She always had mood changes. one day cold, one day the best girlfriend. She also use her looks and sex a lot to seduce me and also other guys as well. after months of my life I gave for her, waiting with stress and pain of her behave, she then stabbed me in the back and went with someone and even uploaded pic on facebook. and then said like nothing is wrong with that she was looking for a boyfriend (it was a day after we talked about still being together and see eachother soon and after she begged me to talk to her and that she want to marry me).
so at this point after she went with someone else in my face I was really hurt and didn't want to forgive her and we stopped talking for a few months and she was sending me messages here and there to show she still exist and didn't forget me. and now she sent me a message again saying she love me and cant let me go and want to see me, etc. and at the same time does not show any real feelings, does not do anything to make up to me and make me forgive her. just words, without any feelings or meaning to them. just to make sure I am still there for her or something.
I went hell because of her for the past year and now when I read about the BPD it all make sense to me. I was just a victim to a terrible personality disorder. I always knew she has a problem, she knows it as well and mentions it and also knows the reason for that, but she is just living as she is and as she wants and does not try to change anything, just to protect herself and her feelings, even if it means hurting other people feelings badly. anything to make them be there for her.
she says she loves me but never let it get into her. like she blocks her feelings and don't believe it can be true and don't believe she can be happy. so I feel I was living a lie, an illusion. one day she want to marry me, one day I am like nothing to her and she doesn't know what she want. always changing versions and excuses for her behave. (her ex, her past, things I said, she is scared, etc)

On top of all, I have a question:
is it possible that I also have BPD? and this is also why I took it so hard and was so hurt and couldn't let her go even when she was bad to me? (I know I have some simpthoms of personality disorder, very sensitive, paranoid, some narcsist simpthoms, abandon fear, etc).

So I am confused about the whole situation and what I have been through and not sure how to go from here. at this point we stopped talking after she said she will do anything to make me forgive her and she wants to see me.

Big Bag of Chips

OP, I have given you your own thread, to stop your issue from hijacking the other poster's thread.

Please be aware that nobody here can give you medical advice or diagnosis and if you have any questions you should make an appointment with your GP to discuss your concerns.

Regards,
Big Bag of Chips

Taltos

Hi OP - really sounds like she did a number on you.

Only have a few suggestions if you are open to them.

1. Break all contact, change your numbers, block hers, delete from facebook etc - make it impossible for her to ever get in touch again.
2. Go see your GP in regards to your other query as per Big Bag of Chips no-one here can give you any type of diagnosis, asking for this or providing it is against site policy.
3. Maybe also ask your GP for a referral to a counsellor - it might help you to talk through what happened with a trained professional.

All the best - don't give up - go get the help you deserve here and cut this head-wrecker from your life - no-one needs that much drama.

Jenneke87

I think you have little to fear. When somebody messes you around it's only logical that one would start to get confused and fail to see reason anymore and when your emotions are all over the place, it can trigger behaviour and thoughts you'd never thought you'd feel or do.

Now bear in mind that everyone has traits that could be filed under one or serval mental disorders if you try hard enough. Unless a psychiatrist says you have one, there's no need to worry.

All the best,