I was a rebound :(

sessionone

I have finally realised that I was a rebound for my ex-girlfriend. I’m looking for advice/opinions on how to deal with this.

Without going into much detail, it’s been almost three months since the breakup, but it still hurts. It wasn’t a long relationship, but definitely felt like a serious one. She got a new man after one week, a better man than me, I think. I’ve met him and he does seem to be a nice man, twice her age, rich and with a status. Knowing my ex’s history (that of a cheater), I think she is lucky to have him. They seem to be happy, dinners and parties and all, facebook statuses like “the most perfect Sunday with xxx”, “I have the bestest boyfriend for doing this and this”.

However, at the same time I hate her, and it helps me to feel composed on certain days. It definitely feels like I was used to fill in the void until someone better shows up, like our relationship meant nothing to her. We work together, by the way, so I see her every day, but I try to ignore her, which doesn’t appear very mature, I suppose. We also have mutual friends, so I see the two of them together as well.

I just feel really sad for believing that something good might come out of our relationship, and I've been hurt before.

If you have ever been in such situation, how did you cope?

Thanks.

Roisy7

I'm not really sure what to say apart from the usual advice, these things take time, fill your time with hobbies and things you like doing.

This woman is not meant for you, there will be one that is.

But I do know one thing: get off Facebook. Genuinely, I mean it. Either delete her or block her, or deactivate your account. Looking at her updates and torturing yourself is compounding the situation.

Best of luck OP, I wish you happiness.

sessionone

Thanks.

I did think of getting off facebook or blocking her, but for some reason it helps me realise that it's definitely over. It does hurt, but the more I see them together, the more I know we were not meant to be together and that it's not going to change. Moreover, I don't even want her back anymore. I just want to feel genuinely happy for her (which is probably dumb).

I don't know..... Perhaps it's a masochistic approach....

Idle Passerby

If you were a rebound then this new guy must be too, a week of singlehood doesn't cancel out whatever she was avoiding dealing with by being in a relationship with you. Sounds like she's just hopping from one person to the next.

And twice her age? It sounds like you think this makes him better than you somehow, it doesn't.

sessionone

Well, she kind of left someone to be with me, so perhaps it is a pattern. And I do understand that I probably brought this onto myself, i.e. if she cheated on her then boyfriend (while they tried to get back together) with me, then why would it be different with us. I'm not sure she did cheat on me, but I do have a feeling that she did. I did believe that she might change, and probably that's why I feel betrayed.

Regarding the age. Well, I am 33, she's 24 (although she perhaps pretends to act a lot more older) and the new guy is 48. He must be the wisest of the three ... He's more accomplished, I suppose.

blatantrereg

Reap what you sow and whatnot. Might have been a bit arrogant to think that someone who cheats with you wouldn't cheat on you.

Comparing yourself negatively to the guy she dumped you for does seem a bit masochistic alright. Dont rate people by money and status, including yourself. She sounds like some silly young twit who flits between boyfriends according to what they can offer. A 48 year old taking things up with someone like that just sounds sleazy and stupid. You're definitely better off without her. Feel lucky you only waster so much energy/emotion/money etc before she found someone richer.

Crap that you are working with her. I'd never start something with someone I worked with. Seems as improper as it does imprudent tbh.

Sorry if I am being harsh, but your suffering sounds largely self-inflicted. She made you feel great while you were with her and now she makes you feel inferior. You're going to feel a bit stupid now because you realise that she was just using you, but buying into silly exhibitionistic facebook posts is just indulgent and destructive. Go ahead and hate her if it helps, but she's not worth that either from the sounds of things. Just unsubscribe from her facebook feed and count yourself lucky to be rid of her.

Roisy7

sessionone wrote: »

Thanks.

I did think of getting off facebook or blocking her, but for some reason it helps me realise that it's definitely over. It does hurt, but the more I see them together, the more I know we were not meant to be together and that it's not going to change. Moreover, I don't even want her back anymore. I just want to feel genuinely happy for her (which is probably dumb).

I don't know..... Perhaps it's a masochistic approach....

It is a bit I'm afraid.

Look, wanting to feel happy for her and actually doing so are two different things. You need to realise that while you're still thinking about her you're never going to move past this, atm she's living in your head rent-free.

It would only be by not caring that you could be really happy for her, if that makes sense.

yer man!

This should help, ya need a bit of comedy now....
http://youtu.be/RsyXV-B3uGk?t=13s

sessionone

blatantrereg wrote: »

Reap what you sow and whatnot. Might have been a bit arrogant to think that someone who cheats with you wouldn't cheat on you.

Comparing yourself negatively to the guy she dumped you for does seem a bit masochistic alright. Dont rate people by money and status, including yourself. She sounds like some silly young twit who flits between boyfriends according to what they can offer. A 48 year old taking things up with someone like that just sounds sleazy and stupid. You're definitely better off without her. Feel lucky you only waster so much energy/emotion/money etc before she found someone richer.

Crap that you are working with her. I'd never start something with someone I worked with. Seems as improper as it does imprudent tbh.

Sorry if I am being harsh, but your suffering sounds largely self-inflicted. She made you feel great while you were with her and now she makes you feel inferior. You're going to feel a bit stupid now because you realise that she was just using you, but buying into silly exhibitionistic facebook posts is just indulgent and destructive. Go ahead and hate her if it helps, but she's not worth that either from the sounds of things. Just unsubscribe from her facebook feed and count yourself lucky to be rid of her.

You are right - it was arrogant on my part. And I agree that it's all self inflicted and I do feel dumb. I've been single for 2,5 years and I missed that feeling of being together with someone, perhaps that's why I fell for her "charms".

I don't rate people only by money and status, but these days it seems to be one of the most important traits in a partner, especially in a man. And I have neither, so I feel kind of useless now. He doesn't seem to be sleazy though. Last night I had to attend a birthday party of our mutual friend, and of course the two of them were there, both touchy feely and affectionate (almost like with me, but a bit more), her acting like I wasn't there, which should be ok, as she's with him and not me. I left after an hour or so because she started to p.ss me off. And today I don't know how I feel - mad or calm or like I don't give a damn.

It is crap that we work together, but she started as an intern and we became f... buddies after a drunken night out. I certainly didn't think we will ever date, but somehow it happened. Then she got a full time position here.

I do feel stupid for sure.

sessionone

Roisy7 wrote: »

It is a bit I'm afraid.

Look, wanting to feel happy for her and actually doing so are two different things. You need to realise that while you're still thinking about her you're never going to move past this, atm she's living in your head rent-free.

It would only be by not caring that you could be really happy for her, if that makes sense.

I agree that the opposite of love is indifference, and I am trying to kick her out of my head, but it just not happening. It's been nearly 3 months already and I haven't moved far. She is still the first thought when I wake up. All those bloody "what ifs"... And it took me 2,5 years to get over the last breakup, so I'm afraid it's going to take long to get over this one, too.

LegacyUser

If her new fella truly is double her age and rich then this relationship won't last long. Dudes like that tend to get bored after a few months and meet another young chick to have fun with. Don't block or delete her from facebook but stop going to her page because that really doesn't help you.

The best thing to do is just get on with your life. Ask someone both of yous know out on a date even if the person says no because that will show your ex your ready to move on but only ask someone you think has some interest with you. If she really did have feelings for you then this will bother her a bit. If it doesn't bother her then you know your wasting your time with her because she doesn't love you.

I've known loads of people in relationships with older people and in most cases they ended very badly with the younger person taking the break up very badly.

Don't put on sad faces every time you see her and don't ignore her either. If she says hi then say hi back, if she asks how you've been then tell her your good and ask her the same but never start the conversation. Also something that works well is everytime you see her think of one of her faults like a third nipple she has or one breast is bigger than the other and laugh at it. Don't tell anyone about it but use it as a way of telling yourself she ain't perfect. This girl will pick up on this laughing and her curiosity will get the better of her. Her thoughts will go from "ah no theres my ex boyfriend" to "whats he so happy about" is he laughing at me. Does he know something I don't. Just never sulk around because most woman don't want those type of me.