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What to do about 'siblings'?

  • 21-08-2012 1:14pm
    #1
    aprilbaby
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7 ✭


    Hi Everyone,

    I've been reading bits and bobs on here for a while and was just looking for some thoughts on what you might do in my situation.

    I'm an adopted person (26) and I started a trace about 4 years ago. It's now moved to the stage where I have contact with my birth mother and her extended family (sister/nieces etc she doesn't have any kids of her own) and it's been a pretty positive experience thanks to my birth mothers sister who has been fantastic.

    My birth mother is very reluctant to talk about my birth father so my aunt is piecing together his life story. He died a few years ago, having taken his own life. He has four kids who are technically siblings but it feels like too strong a word for random strangers I just happen to share genes with. The oldest is a few months younger than me and it turns out knows people I know (Ireland is tiny after all!).

    All I've ever wanted out of my trace is to know the story behind my adoption- it's really a curiosity thing so I feel like if I were to approach these people it would be very upsetting for them. I guess I'm just wondering if others have been in this situation and how they've resolved it/what you would do in this situation?

    Thanks,
    AB


Comments

  • #2
    The_Conductor
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 32,286 Mod ✭✭✭✭The_Conductor


    It really is up to you. Some people might feel a need to contact their siblings, and would like the idea of having some sort of a relationship with them- others, not. You also have to consider- they probably are wholly unaware of your existence, and how they might react to find they have an older sibling out there that they are totally unaware of. They might be over joyed- or they might be angry- or any of a bizarre spectrum of feelings in between. You just don't know. You have to decide for yourself- do you want to contact them, do you want a relationship with them, are you going to make contact and see what happens, and of course, akin to any reunion- even if you are ambivalent about contacting them- what happens if you do, and they reject you for whatever reason, what happens then?

    You're never going to know what will happen unless you make that first step. Personally- and I'm a very bad example as I haven't done it myself- I'd be inclined to suggest contacting them as gently as possible, perhaps through a go-between, and give them a chance to get used to the idea of you, before making a more straightforward contact.


  • #3
    goat2
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,939 ✭✭✭goat2


    i think that it would be lovely for you to get to know your siblings, and i can only say that they may be delighted to hear they have a sibling, i do know two families that found out they have a sibling for the first time, the adopted sibling came and found them, and they welcomed them with open arms, i know they were a bit knocked back at first as their mothers never let on there was a child born before she met their fathers, but as adults people can see, that we are living more open now and that is a brilliant thing, and your siblings are living in todays open society,
    i hope all goes well.
    one has nothing to lose,


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