Meeting up with ex, tell girlfriend?

LegacyUser

Been going out with a girl six months, and it's going great. We're madly in

My previous girlfriend and I broke up about a year and a half ago, through an ostensibly mutual decision, as she was moving abroad, though I suspect she took it harder than I did.

Since then, we've kept in contact by email. She's had a boyfriend since, though it didn't work out and I've got together with my new girlfriend.

My current girlfriend is aware I keep in contact with my ex. I've never hid it from her, and she's fine with that.

So anyway, my ex is coming back over for a weekend in a few weeks, and I've agreed to meet in the middle of the day for a coffee to catch up, and give her back a few thing she left at my place.

In my head it was a perfectly innocent thing to arrange, and I never mentioned it to my current gf but now I'm feeling a little guilty, and think I should tell her, but on the other hand I don't want to get her guilty or suspicious.

So I'm not sure what to do. Tell her or not? Or just cancel the meeting.

If I do tell her, I'm not sure how to broach the subject. Should I be asking her permission, or just saying that I'm doing it?

P. Breathnach

Tell her.

Consider how she would react if she discovered later if it had happened without you having told her beforehand.

Don't put it in terms of asking her permission, but avoid making it seem like an adamant statement. If she seems perturbed, reassure her. You could even go so far as putting a clear time-frame on the meeting, and arranging to meet her immediately after so that she knows that you have kept the deal. Or you could arrange for a phone call to take place so that it is clear to the ex that your current girlfriend has the greater claim on your attention.

CommanderC

You could ask your girlfriend along. If your on friendly terms with your ex (I assume you are if you are having a catch-up).

Or do you want to meet her alone ?

jessiejam

Why are you meeting her though?.. ya sure to catch up and give her back some things but what if there is still a spark there and you start thinking about her again? Is that the real reason you want to meet her in person. Im not sure about ex's remaining friends.

I know that wasn't your question but maybe think about that too.
I would also tell your girlfriend and reassure her its for the reasons you say. If she trusts you then she shouldn't have a problem with it

Remember though she is your ex for a reason.

Piliger

You have absolutely nothing to feel obliged about or in need of explaining. Meeting an ex is a perfectly healthy and normal thing to do, and partners who have a problem with it need to get a life.

You don't need your GF's permission, but I would suggest it is common courtesy to let her know. As you say she has been cool with it so far and that means she is a normal self confident and well adjusted person.

Meauldsegosha

Just tell your girlfriend the truth, you're meeting your ex for a coffee and to give her some stuff back. She knows you have been in contact by email so it shouldn't be an issue.

If you don't tell her and she finds out (and these thing always seem to come out) it will just cause doubt that doesn't need to be there.

blatantrereg

I agree you would be best to tell her a a matter of courtesy - and not as a matter of seeking permission.
She would probably notice that the other girl's things are gone from your place incidentally, and that would raise questions in her mind. Finding out you met up with her without mentioning it might also raise questions. Not telling her because you dont want to make her suspicious would probably backfire therefore.

tricialou

just mention it in passing that she asked you to meet her for coffee
yes you should definitely tell her and I think if you would nt be writing this unless you know that its kinda wrong
Just tell her yere going for coffee and then you dont have to feel bad!!

The Big Red Button

I don't see why you wouldn't tell her, to be honest, or why it's so much of an issue to you whether you tell her or not. She's cool about you keeping in contact with with your ex, so why wouldn't she be cool about you meeting up with her?

If a boyfriend told me that he was meeting up with an ex, I'd probably want to know a wee bit about her and about their history, but I'd almost certainly be fine with it. However, if I found out afterwards that he'd met an ex without telling me, I'd feel quite hurt, and I'd also probably wonder if I should feel suspicious about his reasons for not telling me.

As for how to broach the subject - I don't see why you'd ask for permission. All you've to say is the truth - that you're meeting her for a catch up, and to return some things that she left at your place. Simple as that! No need to be defensive or secretive about it at all.