Possible Stalker?

SusieBlue

I'll try to make this as short as possible

I lost my daughter in June 2011 when she was born premature. My doctor suggested joining a bereaved parents forum when it happened to help me deal with my grief. I did so, and its been an absolute God send.

Its a primarily UK based forum, with a few US users. Its a very small community, only about 30-40 regular members. I am the only Irish member on the whole board.

When the previous Moderator stepped down, I was nominated to take over, which I gratefully did. There is now myself and 1 other Mod running the forum.

A few months ago, we had a girl join. After lots of conflicting posts and a lot of tall tales, we did some investigating. We pulled her email address from the system and after a basic google search we found the fb profile and google+ account of a 12 year old girl. She was lying, we pulled her up on it, and she admitted it so we banned her.

After that, she made 5 other accounts, but our Mod system flags accounts if the IP address of the new member has been banned before, so we were able to ban her again before she caused too much trouble.

Tonight I was presented with information to show that someone has joined another US based bereaved parents forum, using the same username and avatar of the girl we banned for lying.

Here's the bit I'm concerned about. She is claiming to be from Ballyphehane, Cork (where I'm from) but when someone on the forum asked her about it she had absolutely no idea where it was near and she spelled it wrong.

She is reiterating a lot of the personal stuff I posted on my forum, stuff I won't go into but basically that she was also a teen parent, had an unplanned pregnancy, she worked in retail but lost her job, and she has also stolen a picture of my daughters headstone, you can actually see my daughters name if you zoom in enough.

She claims her "daughter" died of the same reason as my daughter did, and she also happens to have passed away the same day as mine. Our due dates were also the same. She also claims to be studying the same thing in college as me, but again, when asked about it, didn't have a clue.

I'm 100% positive its the girl I banned. Its as though she's copying me/stalking me, I really don't know. I feel sick that she stole my picture, that she's lying and that she's clearly reading what I'm posting and using it as her own story.

I know its only the internet but I'm really disturbed and freaked out that a 12 year old would do this. I'm not sure if she's trying to impress me, or piss me off cause I banned her, or what.

What should I do? Is there anything I can do? I know some people might think I'm upset over nothing but I'm actually devastated that someone would steal my pictures of her headstone. I've since removed them, although I can do nothing about the fact that she's posted them elsewhere now. Other real women are sympathising with her for a loss she hasn't had.

Some advice would be great, not sure where to take this, all I know is that I feel what she's doing is very wrong and if it were my child making up lies like that I'd want to know...

hattoncracker

Im so sorry, got mixed up in which thread I was replying to!

Im sorry for your loss, OP.

Is there any way you could contact the mods of the other site and let them know what's going on? This must be horrible for you altogether..


I would also wonder at the stability of a kid doing something like this, see if her parents are her friends on Facebook and try and contact them, maybe? She is v young to be trolling the internet unsupervised.. Or if her school is listed on her Facebook try and get them involved...

username123

This is a very difficult one.

Are there any laws being broken? (like impersonating someone?)

Is the person mentally ill? (possibly)

Do you know for sure its a 12 year old or is this just another impersonation? (who knows)

Possibly you can find out who her internet provider is based on the ip address and make a complaint to them?

I dont know if anything illegal is happening though.

P. Breathnach

WhiteRoses wrote: »

... we found the fb profile and google+ account of a 12 year old girl...

The stuff you describe suggests either a very disturbed person or an extremely malicious one. I suspect disturbed.

That does not make it easier for you to put up with it, and I am sorry you are going through this.

I suspect that it's not a 12 year old girl. I'd bet that persona is an invention.

ibarelycare

If it genuinely is a 12-year-old girl's Facebook page you found, you could go onto it and see if her parents or any other family members are friends with her. Her parents obviously have no idea of what she gets up to online and they really should be told. Try and get in touch with them and present them with the proof of what she did previously.

SusieBlue

Thanks a million for the replies so far.

I pasted the email address she provided when she signed up to my forum into the fb search bar, that was how I found the account. The account belongs to a 12 year old and it has lots of pictures and friends, though its certainly plausible that this is another fake account.

The IP registered to my forum locates her to North West UK. Would it be out of place for me to contact the Mods of the other forum to compare IP addresses? Or would it not be my place?

I'm not sure if contacting her family via fb is a good idea, I'm pretty sure it would be compromising my position to use information she used when registering to contact her, regardless of the purpose, I'm not sure if it'd be crossing a line.

My boyfriend just arrived from home from doing a night shift at 9am and is absolutely fuming, he wants to ring the Gards. Pretty sure there is nothing they can do, but I'm not sure if we should report it all the same.

At the very least I want the picture of her headstone taken down from that other forum.

ihsb

WhiteRoses wrote: »

Thanks a million for the replies so far.

I pasted the email address she provided when she signed up to my forum into the fb search bar, that was how I found the account. The account belongs to a 12 year old and it has lots of pictures and friends, though its certainly plausible that this is another fake account.

The IP registered to my forum locates her to North West UK. Would it be out of place for me to contact the Mods of the other forum to compare IP addresses? Or would it not be my place?

I'm not sure if contacting her family via fb is a good idea, I'm pretty sure it would be compromising my position to use information she used when registering to contact her, regardless of the purpose, I'm not sure if it'd be crossing a line.

My boyfriend just arrived from home from doing a night shift at 9am and is absolutely fuming, he wants to ring the Gards. Pretty sure there is nothing they can do, but I'm not sure if we should report it all the same.

At the very least I want the picture of her headstone taken down from that other forum.

I would contact the Guards, just so they are aware incase it all escalates. Also I would contact the mods of that other forum saying exactly what you have said here. This person really is sick in some way or another.

Ickle Magoo

Hey WhiteRoses,

I would certainly inform the moderators of the other site and link with evidence of your history with the poster and the information they are using being taken from your own posts on another site and ask that all content which refers to your own situation or pictures taken from your posts are removed. Most sites appreciate the heads up that a poster is not genuine, I would imagine doubly so in this case given the sensitive nature of the forum and the extra capacity for hurt that malicious or insensitive posters may cause.

I would also contact the police in the UK and ask for their advice on how to proceed/that you felt they should be aware of what you believe to be a British minor to be behaving in such a disturbing manner and pass on IP and e-mail information to them for investigation. It might also be worth contacting the Garda and asking what you can do about stopping someone behaving in such a manner without falling foul of the data protection act.

All the very best, I can't imagine how upsetting this must be for you.

edellc

OP I cant add any more than what has been said, but I just wanted to offer you my sincere sympathy, its hard enough to loose a child but to have a troll as malicious as this even if it is on the internet is just disgusting.

I would contact the mods of the other site and yes I would also contact the guards and see what they say or if anything can be done, also can you contact FB admin and let them know what you are thinking regarding IP address and see if they can investigate also.

Do you have an account for this other site that she wouldnt recognise and if so could you out her as such on a thread she posts on, without saying its you, but saying you are a user of the other site and know that she is a lying troll and maybe use her first name as per FB and see if that spooks her in some way.

I really dont think this is a 12year old maybe it is but it seems a bit sick to me but you really never know...I do think she is doing it to you as it was you who banned her and she has probably taken a personal vendetta against you, also as your story is so harrowing she is probably using it to get the max amount of sympathy she can, what ever age she is she is seriously messed up and probably needs professional help.

SusieBlue

Thank you for the kind responses. I was expecting to be told I was overreacting so its nice to know I'm not the only one that is disturbed by this!

My OH contacted the local Garda station earlier. They said there wasn't much they could do because she/he isn't exactly stealing my identity - they're using a different first name to mine, and their "child" has a different name to my daughter. They're just stealing my photos and life experience. They did say that calling was the right thing to do though cause the complaint is now logged in their system.

They said that I should go above the Mod of the other forum and contact the owner of the domain/forum to show I mean business and that I won't be backing down until something is done. They said that if having contacted the owner of the domain nothing is done, to call back and they'll see what else they can do.

They basically said their hands were tied because legally its a very grey area.

Interestingly, I posted a topic about a medical condition on my own forum just a while ago. I purposely spelled the name of the condition wrong. Lo and behold, the same topic with the same misspelling is posted not long after on the other forum, so its definitely her.

I think he/she must have a grudge against me for banning her, why else would she do this? Hope the forum owner does something about it, I feel sick to my stomach knowing that some disturbed person is using my child's grave to get sympathy for their own messed up kicks.

username123

WhiteRoses wrote: »

I feel sick to my stomach knowing that some disturbed person is using my child's grave to get sympathy for their own messed up kicks.

Yes, totally understandable. Unfortunately this is a risk of posting sensitive personal information on a public place like the internet, you are open to sickos and psychos who will take that information and use it in a manner in which it was never intended.

The only motive I can see behind something like this is someone who is mentally ill and needs help themselves. I know its not much comfort to you but this person is to be pitied more than anything else.

SusieBlue

username123 wrote: »

Yes, totally understandable. Unfortunately this is a risk of posting sensitive personal information on a public place like the internet, you are open to sickos and psychos who will take that information and use it in a manner in which it was never intended.

The only motive I can see behind something like this is someone who is mentally ill and needs help themselves. I know its not much comfort to you but this person is to be pitied more than anything else.

I totally agree! I've definitely learned my lesson. I'll never post sensitive pictures like that again. I didn't realise how open the internet is, but I've learned the hard way. I'll never make that mistake again.

username123

WhiteRoses wrote: »

I totally agree! I've definitely learned my lesson. I'll never post sensitive pictures like that again. I didn't realise how open the internet is, but I've learned the hard way. I'll never make that mistake again.

But also try to realise that a person using this picture and making up a story to glean sympathy etc... its meaningless. Unless the context is real, has a real link to a real life - its rubbish. So this person is making up stories based on your posts/life - but those stories are as totally fake so any exchange as a result of them has no real meaning, and only serves to draw honest emotions out of people who dont know the truth. The only person really being hurt is the faker - they are the ones who somehow need this kind of attention, but with the attention is the knowledge that they are misleading people, so they must also hate themselves all the time knowing that if the truth were out the people being nice to them would cut them off and be disgusted.

Only an honest exchange has meaning.

NamelessPhil

There's a South African blogger who I've been following for many years who had the same thing happen to her, including using pictures of her children.

She has a good blog post here about the stalker, who was an 11 year-old girl when it started.

SusieBlue

NamelessPhil wrote: »

There's a South African blogger who I've been following for many years who had the same thing happen to her, including using pictures of her children.

She has a good blog post here about the stalker, who was an 11 year-old girl when it started.

Oh my goodness, that's awful! Did anything happen to the 11yr old, did she get in trouble legally?

Katgurl

OP, I think you need to take steps to inform everyone you can; the guards, the moderators & the parents.


Look at it this way -


If it is a 12 year old girl, she is a disturbed minor & needs help so it would be irresponsible not to inform her guardians.

But what if it is something more sinister? You hear stories of depraved trollers who draw people into their confidence and agree suicide pacts etc. I know this is worst case scenario but it is not impossible. This could be a dangerous adult who is targetting vulnerable people that have similarities to his/her cyber profile; other children, other bereaved parents. You just don't know.

Whatever is going on here, it is not good & I strongly suggest you don't ignore it.

Also, as the other posters have said, I am so very sorry for your loss and that now in additon you have to deal with something so distressing.

NamelessPhil

WhiteRoses wrote: »

Oh my goodness, that's awful! Did anything happen to the 11yr old, did she get in trouble legally?

From reading the links in the blog post, the stalker was 11 when she made up her story and was 22 when it was found out. Again, from reading the links there doesn't seem to be any specific criminal offence. She was fundraising for one of her characters so that could be seen as fraud.

I forgot to say that I'm really sorry that this is happening to you, it's an awful feeling knowing that someone is impersonating you.

LegacyUser

So sorry to hear what you're going through

I'm a mod on another forum and it has been an eye-opener. There are some crazies out there who love nothing more than to stir things up. On the forum I help moderate, we had a troll who re-registered a number of times. A threat to report them to their ISP was enough to scare them off.

Definitely you should contact some from the moderation team of this other website and tell them your story. Take screenshots or save web pages if needs be, including that deliberate mis-spelling. It's all evidence. Hopefully they will be of help to you.

See if you can make contact with this person's ISP as well. I don't know if there's much that they can or will do to help but you've nothing to lose.

WhyGoBald

I was internet stalked, can't give too many details for obvious reasons, but it makes you feel horribly insecure. Stalkers, whatever their object - it may simply be attention-seeking - seek out the vulnerable. I had thought I was careful on the internet but now realise I had actually become quite complacent.

I would inform the moderators of the other forum and try and get them to have the photo taken down, log every single incident with screen grabs, record IPs and emails, dates, etc, and be a little more careful in future regarding security and keep a wary eye out for further developments. However, try not to feel paranoid or let it affect you.