Confused over my feelings about a guy

LegacyUser

Hey, I'm a regular poster, but going unreg for this; all advice appreciated!

I'm an 18 year old gay guy, going to Uni in a few weeks, only now getting myself sorted out after many painful years of depression/suicide attempts/excessive drinking/lonliness etc.

Now, I'm quite okay at the minute, but there's one thing that still bothers me, every single day... and I need to sort it out. I never really had any friends... it's not cause I don't fit in, am shy/weird etc., I just don't really have alot of time for most people - I can't help that. However, I've got to know a guy with whom I've been in school pretty well over the last few months. He's also gay, but is in a relationship. He's one of the very few people I've ever known whom I've really respected/liked and wanted to actually spend time with. It's not like we have loads in common or anything, it's just he's intelligent/funny etc, and generally likeable.

The problem; I don't know if I love him or hate him. I know that sounds ridiculous, but as I said, I haven't really known too many people too well in my time, and I'm really confused about how I feel. Firstly, I can imagine myself spending the rest of my life with him, I can imagine myself really telling him I love him, doing things together and just generally spending time together... and while I think I love him...I'm not really sure. When we talk, it's like I'm trying to figure out if he likes me. It's like I'm trying to achieve something. When we've finished talking, it's almost like I say to myself 'that went well'. I love to know he acknowledges/respects me. I mean, when he doesn't respond to my texts, it bothers me. If we're chatting online and he stops for a few minutes... I'm asking myself why? What's he doing? Am I not that important? Who's he talking to? If I see him talking to someone on FB when he's not talking to me, I THINK I feel a little jealousy. He's good looking, has loads of friends, is with someone and has a good family. I don't know if I want to be him or want to be with him? When I ask him things, I'm not sure if I'm interested in the answer because I care about him or because I'm trying to re-assure myself he's acknowleding me. I feel below him, and it's a way I've never felt about a person whom I've personally known before. I'm basically trying to figure out if I truely love him or am just jealous? I know I can never have him either way, I just want to understand my feelings.

I don't know if I come across as a twat there, but all I can do is be honest if I'm going to improve my situation. I hope it makes some sense to some of you... you may ask away; and any advice is much appreciated

Cheers.

Gooner111

Sounds like you like him alright. He is in a relationship so not much chance of anything working out on that front. Would suggest you cut back on the contact, make a few new friends and turn your attention away from him onto something different. No point trying to get closer as will only lead to hurting yourself.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the response.

I know I should try to, but he's always on my mind. I don't know how to. It's also hard when I have his stuff popping up on my news feed on FB every few hours. And my heart skips a beat when I see anything about him on there. It's really getting me down tonight... Again, I don't really know why - I know there's not a chance of anything happening between us, I don't know if I want to maintain the friendship, and if so, why... It's not like we do anything amazing together or have alot in common. He's the only guy I know whom I actually respect/look up to and I think I might just be severely jealous that he has so much that I don't.

I dunno, I find it hard to see the point in anything when I have this lingering on my mind.

Gooner111

You may be envious/jealous/infatuated etc of his life but it will do nothing for you. Especially given that you can have a similar life if thats what you want. You can make friends/have relationships/do courses/take up hobbies etc. Why look at his life when you can have your own.

As for his post etc... go to the options (think on his page) and there should be something that stops them appearing in your news feeds. Or just unfriend him.

I have seen other posters mention Meetup.com or .ie... something like that... as a place to make some friends. Could be something on that for you. You need to concentrate on your own life.

ButterflyABC

Please please delete his comments from coming up on fb, go to his page and click on friends and it gives you the option to not have his comments show up in your news feed. It'll do you the world of good not to see all that stuff coming up! Fb is torture sometimes.

Taltos

OP - if there is no chance of anything happening here then you do need to remove yourself as much as you can just for your own peace of mind, and hopefully to allow you to be open for a relationship with someone else. As long as he is on your mind you are going to disregard anyone you meet as not measuring up.

Go on - adjust your FB settings and try to just get out and widen your social circle a bit.
You will have the odd down day but when you find yourself thinking of him just think of the one thing you can't stand to remind yourself why it would never work...

ash23

OP you are a bit infatuated with him but that's ok. I'm guessing that you don't know a huge number of people who are "out" and that may be why you are focussing on this guy now.

But on the plus side you are off to Uni soon! You are so lucky. It's a chance to leave all the past behind you and become the person you want to be. Fill your social calender with clubs and socs. Join the LGTB group in your college and you will meet so many new friends and become much more content in your own life.
I was always overshadowed in school but totally came into my own when I went to Uni. There are so many opportunities to do all the things you want to do.

Grab the opportunity with both hands and you will become so fulfilled that you won't have all this time to be spending reading into this guys every move.