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Waiting on CAO offers but I'm lost and can't focus on the future

  • 20-08-2012 3:22am
    #1
    1ZRed
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,293 ✭✭✭


    I'm waiting up until 6 inorder to get my CAO offers and with 2 hours to go, I'm still so lost as to what to do with myself.
    I have a decent leaving cert of 445 but I look at it as nothing because I'm locked out of so much I'd like to do. It's my own fault for what's happened as well because of my lack of motivation and dealing with a lot on my own.
    My problems really arise when I look at the situation from afar, I am limited to Galway at NUIG because of monetary reasons. That's perfectly fine, and it's a great college, but because that's my only interest, I can't apply to any other university and I'm stuck to pick some course from there.

    So I'm already on a year out, I want to do Biomedical engineering but I can't because the only thing I'm missing is my honours Maths and I haven't studied for the entrance exam which is on Wednesday. This will be my second attempt at it btw and in both those times I was told I would have to take a year out because it's not affordable and I lost my way and couldn't see a goal to work for. Another thing that's keeping me from doing it is the fact that I might not be able to keep up with the course, Maths wise only and if I take the entrance exam route, I'll be gambling my offers waiting until round two.
    So I'm sitting here wondering will I chance it and presumably fail, or do I take the offer for Civil Law or Biotechnology. Both courses I just picked that had my interests, but didn't see as my ultimate career because "they're not me" if you understand.

    And that's another year out on top of this one. I feel like I really need this to start a new and finally continue my education by being open and confident of my sexuality (I'm gay) but its just not feesable. It's quite disheartning to see my friends progress in all areas of their lives and experience new things while my life stagnates here in a rural area with no work going and no access to any financial aid to make college a possibility.

    I don't mean to have such a long and disjointed post but I'm so lost, without a goal and I'm being pulled in so many different directions that I can't think straight. I think what kills me most is the fact that I can't do anything to fix my situation no matter how much I try. I know I keep making it harder for myself also which also doesn't help.

    If this is too cryptic and my specific worries aren't coming across easily, I'll add more detail. I just need to get this all off my chest right now.


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