Stuck at home feeling claustrophobic

LegacyUser

I'm from a big family. Still living at home, because I very recently finished college. I've been looking for job ever since, no joy so far. I'm hoping I will get temporary work of some sort during the year (qualified as a teacher, but I'm on the dole at the moment).

The problem is with my family. I've been helping out at home a lot more, with the cooking, cleaning, washing etc. Which is fine for the most part, because I'm in the house all the time and the others are working/going to summer camps etc. I like having a clean house and I like cooking, but I'm starting to feel taken for granted. No one else does anything unless I kick up a major fuss. It is constantly dirty and untidy, no one picks up after themselves. They seem to expect that someone else will do the work for them. I understand that they are tired when they come home, but that doesn't mean that I should pick up rubbish or stuff they have strewn across the house. I never really noticed before how much of a problem it was, because I was rarely there between college, part-time jobs, boyfriends and going out etc. But I have always been a tidy person, and cleaned up after myself.

I'm starting to feel claustrophobic in the house and if I'm honest, a bit depressed. I still share a bedroom with my sibling, and it's crowded. I have no space for myself. And in the next few weeks we will have another child coming to stay from overseas to study English for a few months. The house will feel smaller than ever and I need to get out.

My question is, how do I go about it? How can I move out without the security of a full time job? None of my friends have moved out, so I have no frame of reference for this. I have no idea where to start or what to think about when planning this. Another part of this problem is that my Mum has made it clear that she doesn't think I need to move out at all, that I should live here until I get married. I think she wants me to stay because I am basically free labour and she doesn't want anyone flying the nest anytime soon. So she is constantly placing psychological road blocks up for me about moving out. How can I deal with these and take the first step on my own?

Apologies for the long rant. I realise this isn't as big a problem as others have here but I need some advice please, starting to feel quite upset about the whole situation. Not having anything to get up for in the morning is not helping my frame of mind either!

looksee

Firstly, what your mum wants is irrelevant here. If you want to leave you can. It may be that she is just saying 'you are welcome to stay as long as you want' and you are reading it as 'don't leave'. Are you engaged? or is this just a hypothetical marriage?

Have you actually printed off a load of cvs and gone door to door round shops etc looking for work? Even if you only got part time it would be time you are not in the house getting uptight about everyone else's tidiness. Even the time you are going round is time you are not in the house!

You know the score about living away, you have had jobs before. You will not be the only one with a qualification who is looking for part time work. Do you have a Teacher Centre locally where you can leave your name for sub work? Have you contacted all the schools and left in your cv?

Now, and the next month, is the time you should be actively making sure you have not missed anywhere. Where did you do your teaching practise? Have you been in touch with them? They know you and might be open to taking you on.

Also the student work population will be going back to college over the next couple of weeks, so there is a chance of vacancies, get out there and look for them, they tend to be the 'sign in the window' rather than an ad on the paper, so you need to be out looking. Put the word out too, have other people keeping an eye out.

It will not be easy, there are not many places, but you have to be out there whether it is looking for teaching or non-teaching work.

Gooner111

Re the housework... unless they are willing to change their ways (highly unlikely) then your going to have to learn to let it go. Personally I wouldn't clean up after them. Just do your own!!

Check out the jobs centre every day. Even if you can find something part time to tide you over. Can you do some tutoring work... maybe look into that. Look up volunteer groups or local clubs to see if something there that takes your interest. Basically free or really cheap activities to up your time and get you out and about. Plus give you a reason for getting up everyday.

As for moving out maybe you can afford to rent a room in a house share? Think the dole gives rent relief (not sure to be honest). While you'd still be sharing with others at least you'd have your own room.

woodchuck

Can you afford to move out at the moment? There is the possibility of getting rent allowance, but as far as I know you have to show receipts from a landlord from the previous 6 months and then a 'change in circumstances' (eg lost job). It's worth looking into though to see if you could survive financially on your own right now.
(also it doesn't matter what your mam thinks about you moving out, if you want to do it and are able to, then do!)

Have you tried talking to your family about picking up after themselves? I wouldn't do it at the time, wait until after the event and you've calmed down a bit. You could maybe point out that you're happy to do the general cooking and cleaning around the place, but that everyone should at least pick up after themselves. Looking for a job is full time work... you shouldn't have to spend half your day cleaning up after them.

At least with the schools starting back soon you might be able to find some work on the side giving grinds until you find something more permanent.