Inviting your boss to your wedding

Muckit

I don't really want my boss at my wedding for various reasons.

Just got me wondering are there many on here who didn't or wouldn't invite their boss to their wedding...??

Diddy Kong

Muckit wrote: »

I don't really want my boss at my wedding for various reasons.

Just got me wondering are there many on here who didn't or wouldn't invite their boss to their wedding...??

It really depends on your relationship with your boss. When I was getting married I had just moved into a new department several months previous and felt no obligation to invite him as I didn't know him. I did however invite my previous manager as I got on with her very well.

If there is an obligation on your part you could always do an evening invite instead.

Muckit

Thanks Diddy kong. But we are not doing evening invites at all.

Our reasoning (right or wrong) is because if we really want you at our wedding, we want you to come and enjoy the whole day.

Our other criteria for guests is, you are either family or friend and he is neither. It is nothing personal, he's just my boss, not my friend.

lazygal

Did not invite my boss. In our dept. the 'norm' is to invite people you're friends with, that is, those you'd socialise with and hang out outside work. There's usually a token group invite to the afters, but no one usually bothers going to this.

stinkle

we're definitely not having work people at ours, and any friends who did only invited actual work friends, no bosses. Obviously some bosses are grand but I've always thought to invite them is no fun for the workmates who will be stuck with them for the day. Of course all workplaces differ and if it's a small place then it might seem mean to exclude someone though.

Irish_Elect_Eng

Ask around at work, find out what the workplace norm is and follow it.

You spend too much time at work to cause tension if your boss and possible others get the hump.

But it is your call in the end of the day...

Gatica

Working at current job just over a year and only now know them well enough to either want them or not want them at the wedding. When started planning the wedding did not plan on inviting anyone from current job. They knew I was planning a wedding and I'm sure could tell I had no notion of inviting them. We'd strict numbers so wasn't gonna invite ppl from work, only with a few ppl turning invitation down did I think, ah would've been grand to invite the boss and the team... but don't wanna invite ppl post invitations going out cos they'd know they were an afterthought, so that's that!

Kooli

I didn't invite anyone from work, even though I'd been there four years.

The reason was there was too many of them. If I'd had my way, I would have invited a select few I got on with (and the boss, just for politeness sake). But because there is no natural divide in the workplace, I couldn't have done that without hurting feelings. So it felt like I had to invite everyone or no one, and I went for no one.

Not my finest hour, I admit...probably the one thing from the wedding I still feel uncomfortable about, and yet I'd do it again.

tatli_lokma

work is work, your wedding is a personal matter. No need to mix the two unless you want to.

best way to avoid these awkward situations is get married on a week day

tinkerbell

It always amazes me when people think they have to invite their boss or work colleagues to their wedding. If you are not friends with them, why would you invite them? Just because it's your wedding, does not mean they are entitled to an invite to probably the most special, personal and intimate day of your life. If you actually consider your boss a friend or your work colleagues as friends, then yes of course invite them like you'd invite any other friend of yours. But if they are not someone you'd say invite to a house warming party or a birthday party or you'd actually socialise with them, then why the feck would you invite them to your wedding? It's the same thing! I dunno where this "norm" crap came from where it's the done thing to invite your boss, but it's one silly "tradition" which should be binned IMO.

clint_silver

If youve worked there for years and theres a core group at all the social events where the boss is as well then you might be able to say theyre part of your social group and then maybe so. youd have to make the call on that one.

But inviting just because theyre youre boss is certainly not something Ive ever heard of.

Outside the job I see my boss at probably one summer do and xmas do. Wouldnt even cross my mind to invite them to anything in my personal life.

El_Dangeroso

I get on really well with my Boss and I'm not inviting him, it is a small wedding though.

I think look at it from their side too, they might be relieved not to be invited, and your not putting them through the awkwardness of declining/having to come up with a reason etc.

liliq

I've been working in the same place for 3.5 years, am leaving in a few weeks, and getting married a few weeks after that.
My boss got married a few weeks after I started and invited everyone (it's a small dept) to her wedding, and so invited me as well.
I'm inviting a few of my workmates (Only 1 will still be there at the time the wedding is) and not inviting my boss. We don't see eye to eye at all, so I don't see why I would invite.

Muckit

Thanks Guys for all you replies. Confirms what I was already planning. It's just good to sound things out with others who are not involved.

MadsL

Muckit wrote: »

Thanks Diddy kong. But we are not doing evening invites at all.

Our reasoning (right or wrong) is because if we really want you at our wedding, we want you to come and enjoy the whole day.

Our other criteria for guests is, you are either family or friend and he is neither. It is nothing personal, he's just my boss, not my friend.

Your reasoning is spot on and sane. I like your policy of not doing evening invites, I have never attended an evening invite. If I'm not close enough to come to your wedding, why would I buy expensive drinks in a hotel with a crap DJ with people I don't know.

In general I find the whole expectation that you are friends with colleagues and boss to be delusional.

Muckit

MadsL wrote: »

Your reasoning is spot on and sane. I like your policy of not doing evening invites, I have never attended an evening invite. If I'm not close enough to come to your wedding, why would I buy expensive drinks in a hotel with a crap DJ with people I don't know.

In general I find the whole expectation that you are friends with colleagues and boss to be delusional.

Thanks MadL. I like to look on myself as being a logical kind of person. 'Feelings' then start to creep in, you know yourself, and you start forgetting about yourself and wondering what this one and that one will think :rolleyes:

I could see how evening type invites may be appropriate if it was just strictly family at the wedding itself, and friends and wellwishers could be invited to an after party type thing.

But hey, this is just my take on things.

Back to the original subject of inviting 'the boss'... , a few people (some work colleagues) said 'would you not just invite him? Sure won't he pay for himself' To me it's a matter of principle, not money. If he gave me €1000 I still wouldn't want him at my wedding!

ButtersSuki

I was guilted into it by a former boss. An uncouth, poorly mannered man at the best of times, he poured on the pressure to invite him and I relented. A colleague got married a short while before me. He asked me to a private conversation one day and said "can you belive she didn't invite her boss?" - honestly, this was what thew whole 1:1 was about. :eek:

Needless to say he got sh*tfaced at the wedding, abused a friend who's a dentist as "all Irish dentists are rip off merchants" (he'd had some work done in Bucharest previously), generally behaved like an oaf (I'd like to say this was unexpected but it wasn't), but thankfully was so drunk by 11pm he went to bed. Next morning at breakfast he continued to insult my friends (his self-awareness was shockingly bad) and family. Everyone generally just tiptoed around him for the couple of days.

Not saying your boss would do any of the above....but why take the chance?