Is he just tight?

LegacyUser

My boyfriend is always broke. Despite having a part time teaching job he always complains about lack of money. I recently lost me job and can make ends meat on the dole. I'm have to watch every penny but I am surviving. What bothers me most is I gave he a €600 loan 18 months ago and he has made no attempt to pay it back even though I have had unforeseen expenses crop up in the last few weeks. I'm don't know how much he earns but surely it's more than my social welfare allowance. Surely he should be trying to pay me back. I'm going to sit him down to talk about it but I am really wondering do I want to spend any longer in a relationship with him because of this.

Together 3 year, not living together, always split bills although if I think about it I often paid in the past when he was broke.

Opinions?

Ellsbells

Get your money back first.

ABajaninCork

Yeah, he's a tight**** all right. Definitely lean on him to get your money back. It's not as if you can afford to kiss E600 goodbye!

Then - sack him off!

LegacyUser

OP here. He wants us to move in together at some point. The more I think back the more I realise I was always paying for things and assumed he would pay next time and very often he didn't. Or I would invite he over to my apt (as the girls are never there) and I'll cook dinner and have a bottle of wine ready. Only now that I have to really watch the money am I realising how little he put his hand in his pocket.

jessiejam

Together 3 years and you have no idea what he earns? why not? surely you've some idea.

I agree with posters above.. tell him you want your money back. Then consider if you want to be stuck with a tight ass for the next 3 years.

LegacyUser

He once said over he earns just over 30k. He has had a lot of cut backs but I'm not sure how much he is on now. I think he just can't manage money. It's not like he spends on clothes or gadgets. He doesn't save it either as he has barley made his rent a few times.

It troubles me that I'm on the dole and even now he hasn't thought it time to pay me back.

jessiejam

It obviously doesn't trouble him!
Say it to him. Tell him you could do with the money you lent him back right now cause you are finding it tough. Try to come up with some arrangement. If he has a problem with that, he's not tight. He's mean.

Piliger

Hi OP.

jessiejam is right.

I doubt if he is tight or dishonest - more likely he is careful an conscious about his money but a bit thoughtless about this loan.

He needs to be reminded.

LegacyUser

Piliger wrote: »

Hi OP.

jessiejam is right.

I doubt if he is tight or dishonest - more likely he is careful an conscious about his money but a bit thoughtless about this loan.

He needs to be reminded.

I suggested he pay me back in instalment a few times before I lost my job. He agreed but nothing ever happened. He knows I'm struggling but doesn't seem to care.

jessiejam

This time don't suggest it. Insist on it. Does he have any morals? he's working for god sake your not. What does he spend his money on? surely he can afford 50 quid a week or something?

Another thing is I wouldn't be going halves on anything or footing the bill for anything unless he starts paying you back.

woodchuck

Part-time teaching job vs the dole? I actually wouldn't be surprised if you DO have more of an income than him at the moment! Regardless, if you're stuck for cash and he owes you money then you need to have a serious talk with him about paying it back.

LegacyUser

woodchuck wrote: »

Part-time teaching job vs the dole? I actually wouldn't be surprised if you DO have more of an income than him at the moment! Regardless, if you're stuck for cash and he owes you money then you need to have a serious talk with him about paying it back.

You can't honestly thing someone on the dole get over 30k per year. I did the maths roughly and he should have twice what I have per month.

Zoria

Has he even tried to bring it up with you? If he hasn't, try to. His response to that is the direction you should take. If he gives you a time line, then make him follow it. If he gets odd about it or doesn't pay, then you let that one go.

LegacyUser

woodchuck wrote: »

Part-time teaching job vs the dole? I actually wouldn't be surprised if you DO have more of an income than him at the moment! Regardless, if you're stuck for cash and he owes you money then you need to have a serious talk with him about paying it back.

He has about 2-3 time more coming each week that I do. You can't seriously think a single person on the dole would be getting more than a working professional!

woodchuck

For some people it IS true. I'm not saying that's definitely the case here, but you said yourself you don't know what he's earning. He WAS on 30k, but if this hours/salary have been cut then you really don't know, especially after tax. You haven't mentioned if you get rent allowance; but again its another thing that tips the scales for some people.

All I'm saying is that just because he has a part time job doesn't mean he has much disposable income. Especially since he doesn't spend any money on clothes/gadgets and doesn't have any savings.

If you want your money back you might have to sit down with him and work through his finances with him to see where you can get it from. He could be very poor at managing his day to day expenses... Definitely a red flag for a future with this person...

Gooner111

Hey OP,

Sounds like your definitely leaning towards giving him his red card! Before doing that why not talk to him - honestly. Tell him your upset about how things are and why.

But you have to remember, not everyone is as generous as you are nor can you expect them to be. When we choose to pay, it is our choice. Sure he may think he has been a model boyfriend...just by showing up everytime. Personally I think he has taken you for granted and should have been paying his own share or at taking turns at least!!

Just like the other posters I would go with getting the €600 back before discussing relationship issues. Tell him today that you are stuck for cash and would like the €600 by the end of the month and point out that you have given plenty of notice in the past so you are not being unfair in your request.

Good luck

Big Bag of Chips

Chances are he's just really really bad with money.

Does he ever go to the bookies? My friend's husband was 'very bad with money' until she figured out that it was all gone on gambling.

Do you feel like you could sit down and discuss the loan with him? Do you talk about serious problems or is the relationship 'lighter' than that?

This is a serious issue for you, and you should feel that you can sit down with him and discuss it until you have a resolution.

LegacyUser

woodchuck wrote: »

For some people it IS true. I'm not saying that's definitely the case here, but you said yourself you don't know what he's earning. He WAS on 30k, but if this hours/salary have been cut then you really don't know, especially after tax. You haven't mentioned if you get rent allowance; but again its another thing that tips the scales for some people.

All I'm saying is that just because he has a part time job doesn't mean he has much disposable income. Especially since he doesn't spend any money on clothes/gadgets and doesn't have any savings.

If you want your money back you might have to sit down with him and work through his finances with him to see where you can get it from. He could be very poor at managing his day to day expenses... Definitely a red flag for a future with this person...

Perhaps a family with 4/5 kids and a mortgage might get a large amount of social welfare but a single person doesn't. Believe me when I say I am barley getting by. I earned a lot more in my first proper job 14 years ago.

He was on over 30k I just don't know how much over. He didn't have hours cut as he is there nearly 10 years in the position and they legally can't cut his hours. He gets additional allowances in the job as well one of which is about 4k per year.

It seem to me to be a poor money management problem and tightness. It may also be that he just always complaint about lack of funds even when it is no an issue. We all know someone like this! He won't do a weekly super market shop like most people. Instead he pops into the local Spar/Centra for everything. He can always manage a pint or two after work if a mate suggests it. He was out Friday night and last night. He is a gym member.

I'm meeting him later. Going to go for walk and have it out with him. I really can't see myself staying with a man who can see me so broke and not give a sh*t.

deisemum

He sounds like a freeloader. Make a serious effort to get your money back before you make up your mind about him one way or the other.

The Big Red Button

He owes you €600.

Suggest a payment plan - say, for example, €100 a month over the next six months.

If he doesn't agree to that, ask him why not. Ask him where his outgoings are, that mean that he can't afford €100 a month. You're with him long enough to have some information about his financial situation. If he claims he can't afford that, and if he can genuinely justify not being able to afford it, agree on some other set amount per month. And stick to it, and take it off him as soon as payday comes around.

Surely it should be his priority to pay you back? Does he see you as an interest-free bank? Does he not recognise that you have financial needs of your own?

Consider discussing with him why he feels that it's OK to leave you short of €600 of your own money, and especially at a time when you're relying on social welfare.

woodchuck

Sounds like he's just very very poor at managing his money then. I wouldn't necessariliy say he's tight, but it's definitely cause for concern!! He could save a hell of a lot of money if he shops wisely and skips a few pints here and there. Don't be afraid to point that stuff out to him when you bring up the money he owes you!

Thread carefully though... if you break up now you'll never see that money again (unless you have enough proof to take it to small claims court).

LegacyUser

You lent him 600 quid 18months ago and he hasn't paid it back ..thats a bit much op. You should have asked him for it back a long time ago. Sounds like he is just bad with money - if he does his shopping on a day to day basis in the local centra or spar and buys his lunch out then he'd have no problem squandering away his wages.

ash23

Op, I'm on less than your fella is and I manage to support myself and a child, paying rent and childcare, running a car etc. There is absolutely NO reason that he cannot pay you back that money he owes you.
Whatever about not being able to afford to go out or pay for things, but to allow you to struggle, knowing that he owes you money, I wouldn't be able to respect someone who would do that.