Sibling squabbling or more?

LegacyUser

I'm just after having a bit of a screaming match with my brother and I'm wondering about where the line can be drawn between silly sibling rivalry and then just unacceptable behaviour full stop.

My brother and I are very close in age so while growing up we were either the best of friends or the worst of enemies, I wouldn't say it was abnormal but there was a trend between myself getting quite emotional and my brother being the one who'd get angry and physically abusive quite fast.

I'm nearing 20 now and he's hitting 19 and though the physical violence has stopped in the past year (although I've been away in college for the most part so I can't say for sure that he wouldn't get phsyical again) I've found that his tongue has sharpened.

For example today an argument broke out over raisins. RAISINS! of all things.
We're not exactly a wealthy family but my brother is very controlling and picky about what my mother has to buy for him every week when she goes shopping. He requested raisins during the week and so my mother bought a huge bag of them.
Now it's my understanding that in a house all of the food is pretty much communal. If I ask for a particular thing to eat, everyone has access to it and he helps himself to the things I'd ask for without batting an eyelid. No issue.

Now I'm sort of a snacker, I don't like making big meals and I tend to graze throughout the day and so I see this big ol' bag of raisins and I'd sometimes grab 3 or 4 when I'm in the kitchen and eat them.
Today, from the living room he could hear me open the cupboard in the kitchen where they were and then after he heard me close it he made some smart remark about me eating them all and it then turned into a screaming match of him calling me fat, ugly (both inside and out, he wanted to specify) and a myriad of other things. I kept really calm and told him to stop focusing on what I do so much and let me live my life which just seemed to anger him further.
Although we weren't in the same room and couldn't see each other, I heard him hit the door out of anger. Which I then pointed out, saying that he should take a look at himself, and the spitting of insults continued.
I decided to stop talking then so he'd have nothing to deflect back at.

This issue has presented itself in different little ways, he seems to just love controlling everything. I ate a slice of ham out of the packet the other day and he made a big deal out of that too.

I guess I'm just wondering if this seems normal and just a clash of personalities or is there a problem here? I feel like we're too old for this.
In sense I just wanted to write it down to get it off my chest because it upset me quite a bit but I didn't show him that.

looksee

That is not acceptable behaviour or, I would have thought, normal. He sounds controlling, spoiled and brattish. Do your parents not object to that kind of carry on in the house?

Ickle Magoo

I think there are some very good reasons for being independent from your family as an adult - and ensuring you change the old childish dynamics with both parents and siblings would be right up there.

I'd speak about it calmly with your parents. It's their house, their food, their rules. Getting screamed at and insulted by anyone in your own home shouldn't be on at all and your parents really need to step in and lay down some ground rules for everyone...like if anyone wants sole use of food items, they pay for it out their own pocket.

All the best.

MJ23

Move out.

Daisy M

As a parent I am now worried that this is what I have to look forward to in the next few years!!

Seriously though I cant believe that physical violence was going on up until last year and you are not sure if it will not happen again. Your parents are at fault if they allowed this type of behaviour.

You are right you are too old for this and so is he but you can only be responsible for your actions and not his. Speak to your parents and from now on dont engage with him if he goes off on one.

LegacyUser

Unfortunately I live in a one parent household and my mother has always taken a back seat approach when it came to arguments between my brother and I.
She is quite aware that my brother has some issues dealing with anger as he regularly flies off the handle.
When I raise my concerns about it or try to find someone to confide in about the verbal abuse She seems like she doesn't want to know (My mother herself has her own issues, including depression and bipolar disorder).

As for moving out, I'm heading back to college in a few weeks again where I'll live away from home, so it's not a permanent situation although still quite unpleasant. I'm thinking the only thing I really can do is just suck it up 'til I get out!

I just worry for his future relationships if he acts like this now.

tony81

Look at it from his POV... In fairness, they were his raisins.

Anonsister wrote: »

I just worry for his future relationships if he acts like this now.

Worry about yourself and let him take care of his own life.