Missed opportunities?

LegacyUser

There is a few people in my office who are leaving for new jobs in London so we decided to head out. Anyway near the end of the night one of my mates who is heading for London calls me over and does the who thing "Do you know my friend CannotTalk" to some girl but this girl just so happens to go to the same gym as me and who I have fancied for some time now. So I am completely set up to talk to this girl but I freeze and cannot think of anything to say and the moment ends and I walk off not saying anything to her.

I walked home and was just so frustrated as my lack of a ability to talk to girls especially when the whole ice breaker has been broken by my mate.

Sure I will see her again in the gym but if I cannot talk to her after drinking a few, there is no way I would be able to spring up a conversation at the gym never minding the fact she would have head phones in.

I will also likely not see her out again as I very rarely head out in the city where I work.

This is not the first time something like this has happened, as I can think of plenty of times where I have been cursing myself at the end of the night. So I am not learning from my experiences.

What can I do to change?

bizzbee

You have to talk to this girl...just do it...stop freaking out and don't even think about it...just reverse what you think in your head to the opposite...like think to yourself you're not attracted, she's completely ugly and there's no way you'd be with her...you only get nervous when you really care...so if you don't care you won't get nervous. As a girl, I'd love if more guys approached me because from my perspective I feel the rule is women can't 'chase' men, men have to do the chasing. So by not talking to her you'll end up 'starring/leering' which is much much worse. And you've nothing to loose just think of the cola ad Dr. Pepper, what's the worst that can happen? seriously what's the worst thing that could happen, she rejects you? she humiliates you? surely guys like more than 1 person - am I right? biologically speaking, so therefore there's plenty more fish in the sea and you'll find someone better than her if you don't give up based on one person. Also start talking to everyone and anyone and build up your confidence. Talking on boards is a good idea because at least you'll never see anyone face to face. Don't ask her out or anything too strong too soon, just be really casual, light and breezy and take things very slowly. And don't forget to smile & be friendly not insulting or anything nasty.

bizzbee

And can I just say shy guys are the best guys ever because they're genuine, if she doesn't love you she'll at least appreciate you made the effort and be friendly back to you. How can anyone not like their ego being boosted? But I suppose you don't have to give loads of compliments to start the conversation that would probably be weird. I wouldn't really go up to her while she's on the threadmill or anything but maybe make it an accidental bumping into when she's leaving or walking around the place going to the next machine and just be really 'surprised' to see her again and 'imagine seeing you here' ,'I didn't know you went to this gym', 'long time no see' , ' wasn't my friend such a whatever the last time we met...', 'fancy meeting you here...', 'have you tried any of the classes, I was thinking about doing the ...class, do you know if it's any good' etc.

Ellsbells

It makes no sense to say shy guys are more genuine Russell brand may be the most genuine guy in the world whereas self cobsessed shy guy woody Allen ran off with his wife's adopted daughter. It's crazy to generalise like that. The shy guys I have known once they get a bit of confidence or attention down the line have turned out to be the biggest philanderers as they don't know how to manage attention if they get it.

Op she is just a girl - flesh and blood like the rest of us mortals so don't put her or other girls up on a pedestal... You are as good as any girl you will meet.

bizzbee

Point taken about generalising Not sure if Russell is the most genuine guy though, if he was why didn't he stay with Katy? what happened there in that relationship?

Ellsbells

bizzbee wrote: »

Point taken about generalising Not sure if Russell is the most genuine guy though, if he was why didn't he stay with Katy? what happened there in that relationship?

Who knows??? Maybe she had smelly feet

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WhyGoBald

Don't be so hard on yourself! Just keep an eye out for an opportunity to catch her to say hi. Since you've already been introduced, that's the hard part over. You don't have to strike up a conversation yet, just get a bit more familiar with her, the rest can come in time.