Is she mad, or am I?

Deise Musashi

Right Sure, long time member, never done this.

My Mother is ****ing me right off!

I had always thought of my Mam as being a caring and nurturing person with my best interests at heart, if a bit busy with my siblings and life in general.

I may as well start present day and work back, that work for ye lads?

My Father is dying, he's ****ed, and myself and my wife are the only ones looking after him. My younger brother is dead, the younger one than him is "a student", and my Father abused my sister so she has no interest.

My Mother has contacted me regarding number three son, how will he manage etc.

That youngfella has lived on charity all his life, and will continue to do so until my auld lad dies. Pointed that out to herself and that was the last I heard from my Mother.

My Sister got a text that Mam was off for a week and she should call out with her kids.

I got no invite for myself or my two babies.

I always thought my family just were not the hugging type, not emotional like.

I probably have Aspergers, and so did my brothers, so family hugs were not a priority.

I am writing this like a robot, but thanks to my wife and kids I am not the unfeeling automaton I grew up as, this sucks ass!

As a child my Mother put a kitchen scissors up my nose and threatened to cut my nose in half. I told her it was made of bone but she countered that it was cartilage and she could prove it.

Another time she put a Webley pistol to my head nd told me she would shoot me. Being from a gun savvy family I could see that the pistol chambers held lead rounds. I thought maybe an empty cylinder lay under the hammer, but she cocked the gun to rotate a round into line with the barrel.

I thought these events, and others, were normal enough formative events in a young mans life. I am forty now and doubt these were standard events at all, especially after sharing with my wife.

My Mother is now a lesbian, having left the family to live with her GF (who is a right crack and a lovely person).

This was all ok until lately I met some cousins of my Mothers GF.

Apparently she has denied having kids, being married and her age.

My other mother's cousins were very amused to find that my kids call their cousin "Nanna".

I am less amused to find that my mother has denied my existence... final straw.


Now, I don't know if I am being over touchy, if others normal is not my normal, or whatever.

I'm a bit upset and needed to vent a bit.

Sorry for the language, and thank you for your time!

rainbowtrout

You are not mad. No normal parent holds a loaded gun (whether it be pellets, bullets, whatever) to a child's head and threatens to shoot them, or sticks a scissors up their nose and threatens to cut their nose. That is abuse, plain and simple.

Aside from the clearly upsetting effect it's had on you it's not clear whether you want to maintain a relationship with your mother or just cut all ties.

a fat guy

OP, that's far from normal behavior that I would expect to see from a mother...

Or from anyone really.

She sounds like she wants to cut you off completely, and I think you're better off without her. You have every right to vent about something like this.

edellc

I think the bigger issue here is that whether your father is dying or not, he abused your sister and you are looking after him...does that mean he is in the house with your two children??

My father abused my sisters and there is no way he would be allowed any where near my child nor would I look after him if he was dying, maybe that sounds heartless but its the way it is after all he has done.

So regardless of whether your mother is mad or not, I think you are for what your doing.

As for your mother be very careful what other people tell you as per what your mother is saying, stop listening to stories and go straight to the source and ask your mother, families break apart and loose contact all due to communication breakdowns so instead of listening to gossip speak to your mother.

Sticking scissors up your nose and holding guns to your head isn't exactly normal but from your post I imagine your around the same age as me, and back in the day it was normal to get a hiding from your parent or a smack of a ruler in school, now a days that's frowned on, not excusing her past behaviour but what was seen as acceptable back then is not now.

rainbowtrout

edellc wrote: »

I think the bigger issue here is that whether your father is dying or not, he abused your sister and you are looking after him...does that mean he is in the house with your two children??

My father abused my sisters and there is no way he would be allowed any where near my child nor would I look after him if he was dying, maybe that sounds heartless but its the way it is after all he has done.

So regardless of whether your mother is mad or not, I think you are for what your doing.

As for your mother be very careful what other people tell you as per what your mother is saying, stop listening to stories and go straight to the source and ask your mother, families break apart and loose contact all due to communication breakdowns so instead of listening to gossip speak to your mother.

Sticking scissors up your nose and holding guns to your head isn't exactly normal but from your post I imagine your around the same age as me, and back in the day it was normal to get a hiding from your parent or a smack of a ruler in school, now a days that's frowned on, not excusing her past behaviour but what was seen as acceptable back then is not now.

Ah here, holding a loaded gun to a child's head has never been acceptable. I too have come from getting a belt with a wooden spoon but there's a world of difference there.

edellc

rainbowtrout getting raped by priests isnt normal behaviour either but its only now that it is spoken about and these people get punished, back then it was the child that was lying about it or "deserved it" none of which is right either but unfortunately its how our country was....ie backwards, one persons madness is anothers sanity as they say, yes his mother totally behaved inappropriately and it was madness to do that to a child that was in the past and what he is doing now is worse as from his post it seems that he has an abuser living in his house with his kids....thats madness

Deise Musashi

I think the bigger issue here is that whether your father is dying or not, he abused your sister and you are looking after him...does that mean he is in the house with your two children??

what he is doing now is worse as from his post it seems that he has an abuser living in his house with his kids....thats madness

No. He lives in his house and I drop down food and check he's got medications and that.

My kids are not ever left in a position to be hurt like that.

WhyGoBald

edellc wrote: »

rainbowtrout getting raped by priests isnt normal behaviour either but its only now that it is spoken about and these people get punished, back then it was the child that was lying about it or "deserved it" none of which is right either but unfortunately its how our country was....ie backwards, one persons madness is anothers sanity as they say, yes his mother totally behaved inappropriately and it was madness to do that to a child that was in the past and what he is doing now is worse as from his post it seems that he has an abuser living in his house with his kids....thats madness

Child abuse was not seen as "normal", it was kept hidden by the authorities for a reason. A certain level of corporal punishment was legal, but you're talking about something very different to holding a gun to someone's head. There is no rationalising the kind of abuse the OP experienced.

That said, what the father did to the OP's sister was, in my opinion, much worse, and I wonder if she resents that the OP still has contact with him?

Apparently she has denied having kids, being married and her age.

My other mother's cousins were very amused to find that my kids call their cousin "Nanna".

I am less amused to find that my mother has denied my existence... final straw.

I'm not sure it's something you should take personally - she has also denied the existence of your other siblings.

edellc

Yes the mother shouldnt have done what she did, however it was decades ago at this stage, we can let the past define who we are or we can live for today and tomorrow. His mothers behaviour was inappropriate towards her kids but the OP father was messed up too.

I do think the reason the OP is not getting invited to family gatherings is down to him looking after the father, to his sister and mother this may look like he is siding with the father and while the OP clearly has emotional trauma due to his mothers behaviour, his sister would surely have a whole lot worse due to her fathers abuse.

OP if you are struggling to cope with all this then I suggest you go see a councillor, maybe this would also help with your warped view of who in your family actually needs support.

Whygobald - I am just writing from my experience of abuse within the church from older generation I have dealt with , as while it was not seen as ok, it was seen as being the abused fault and seen as the child at the time lying...as I said decades ago certain things where seen in a different light as they are today, his mothers behaviour is by no means on par with priests and child abuse however both at the time would have been excusable in the Ireland of old, it was how it was but thankfully our society has learned and child rape and child abuse by those who have authority over the child is not something that should be hidden and that generation have forced the law to take action which is something that would not have been done decades ago..But thats another thread

Peace and love OP, I really do hope you speak to your mother, stop listening to idle gossip and get your priorities right.

up for anything

edellc wrote: »

Sticking scissors up your nose and holding guns to your head isn't exactly normal but from your post I imagine your around the same age as me, and back in the day it was normal to get a hiding from your parent or a smack of a ruler in school, now a days that's frowned on, not excusing her past behaviour but what was seen as acceptable back then is not now.

There's a big difference between what was seen as an acceptable hiding or getting the ruler in school and threatening someone by sticking a scissors up their nose or holding a gun to their head. That would never ever have been seen as acceptable back then.

OP, I'm admiring of your wish to have a relationship with both your mother and your father. I don't think I would have the generosity of spirit to deal with either of them.

edellc

Your not understanding my point...what is unacceptable now was acceptable decades ago, Ireland was a different place...things that are punishable now where nor punished then as they where not spoken about, bad things happened to children at the hands of those who had a duty of care to them and nothing happened as it was all kept quite or as I said already a child was told to stop lying, as the old saying went children where seen but not heard ...yes his mother behaved wrong and if he reported her at the time she may have been punished...but what he is doing now us I'm my eyes no better, his sister and mother have every reason to not want him around

curlzy

Hey OP,

Your issues are so serious and your childhood so demented I don't know where to start. Basically you and your siblings were abused either emotionally (by your mother) or sexually (by your father) and now you're annoyed at your mother antics?

Just to be very very clear OP; you and your siblings grew up in an abusive home, what both your parents did was utterly and completely wrong. There's no excuses, they behaved like monsters.

I really think you need to attend councelling OP. I cannot see how you could possibly live through what you've lived through and not be damaged. Please go and see a professional counceller and get some proper support. Your issues are just to big for me to presume anything I can say in a post on boards can be of any real help.

For the sake of your, your wife and your children please go and see a professional.