She had a boyfriend but not anymore

LegacyUser

My head is a bit wrecked and I'm trying to figure what to do.

This girl is gorgeous, I met her years ago and asked for her number... she said no So I saw her a few times over the years but never really got talking to her again. I don't think I even registered with her really.

About 6 weeks back I met her again, she was out with a crowd of girls. Got chatting for ages, turns out she is funny and intelligent as well as gorgeous and this time she gave me her number. I contacted her the next day, got one or two replies then she didn't respond anymore so I left it at that. She passed me in the street then about a week later and I messed up, pretended I didn't see her, I was just embarrassed for thinking a girl like that would be interested in me. She texted me later that evening, kind of joking & calling me a snob.

nothing then for about a week when I get a text out of the blue, this time we texted for a couple of days, i invited her in to the bar I work in as she was out one night but she didn't show up. Texted on and off until she dropped the bombshell, she is in a relationship has a 3 year old son, wasn't happy and was planning to end things. I didn't know what to do at this stage and we actually agreed to meet up, in the end I couldn't go through with it so I didn't go. I didn't let her know and when she texted I didn't write back. I thought it was just a bad situation to be getting into.

So here is the thing, I've since heard that she had broken up with the boyfriend before the date we were supposed to have happened. I messed up, I'm crazy about her and now I don't know how to fix it. I normally would leave well enough alone with a girl who is just out of a relationship but I've never met anyone like her and I think there could be something special there.

Advice please?

a fat guy

Have you considered that she doesn't like you nearly as much as you like her?

I would honestly not go anywhere near her.

LegacyUser

I'm fairly certain she likes or at least liked me. She was very flirty, initiated a lot of the texting and she told me she did. I'm not sure now that I let her down that she does anymore.

I tried calling her since but she didn't answer or return the call.

Aurellia

Honestly, reading your post, and this is going to sound soo bitchy; but she's not interested. You know why i know? As soon as you snubbed her on the street you had her attention but was blaseé about relying to you otherwise. She's been going through a bad patch in her relationship and your attention is distracting.
Trust me i'm going through hell at the moment and i'm enjoying being distracted , it helps ease the crap going on.

Please listen to me when i say: you did not "mess up" . She knows you have had a crush on her for years and is lapping up your attention. You say you passed her on the street over the years? Theres too ways this works. Either when you asked her for her number she was in a happy committed relationship and wouldn't dream of giving out her number and years later gives it to you as she's not that committed to the relationship anymore OR Do you you not think she was thinking "theres that fella who asked me for my number years ago ha ha"

You should of cancelled the meeting up not just not showed up esp after she told you she had a child, as being a mum myself as soon as a fella displays a hesitation to that, i'm like "Good luck" . She now thinks your a jackass as you didn't reply to her message.

If you do still want too see if there is anything there then Don't ask her out again for a while. Give her time to get her head around whats after happening in her life because if you go chasing her or coming onto her she'll run!! Think slightly ignoring her like you did on the street cause that got her attention . So heres what you can do: just send her a friendly text , "hi , haven't been in touch as thought i'd give u a bit of space as you and your little fella (acknowledging her child) must of being going through a lot of changes. Hope ur doing ok?"

If she replies; take it from there, but don't leave urself open to be hurt or used by her. Good Luck

LegacyUser

Aurellia wrote: »

Honestly, reading your post, and this is going to sound soo bitchy; but she's not interested. You know why i know? As soon as you snubbed her on the street you had her attention but was blaseé about relying to you otherwise. She's been going through a bad patch in her relationship and your attention is distracting.
Trust me i'm going through hell at the moment and i'm enjoying being distracted , it helps ease the crap going on.

Please listen to me when i say: you did not "mess up" . She knows you have had a crush on her for years and is lapping up your attention. You say you passed her on the street over the years? Theres too ways this works. Either when you asked her for her number she was in a happy committed relationship and wouldn't dream of giving out her number and years later gives it to you as she's not that committed to the relationship anymore OR Do you you not think she was thinking "theres that fella who asked me for my number years ago ha ha"

You should of cancelled the meeting up not just not showed up esp after she told you she had a child, as being a mum myself as soon as a fella displays a hesitation to that, i'm like "Good luck" . She now thinks your a jackass as you didn't reply to her message.

If you do still want too see if there is anything there then Don't ask her out again for a while. Give her time to get her head around whats after happening in her life because if you go chasing her or coming onto her she'll run!! Think slightly ignoring her like you did on the street cause that got her attention . So heres what you can do: just send her a friendly text , "hi , haven't been in touch as thought i'd give u a bit of space as you and your little fella (acknowledging her child) must of being going through a lot of changes. Hope ur doing ok?"

If she replies; take it from there, but don't leave urself open to be hurt or used by her. Good Luck

You are probably right. I just think that if I leave it too long someone else will snap her up. She is stunning and has the personality too, I actually saw a guy trip over a kerb staring at her recently and she seems totally oblivious to it.

She doesn't know that she turned me down years ago, she kept asking me where had I worked etc because she thought she'd met me before but couldn't place it. It was a fairly long time ago and I know she was single back then

Piliger

OP - you have nothing to lose. I think this girl may be a teaser ... but there is only way to call her bluff. Ask her our directly and see what happens.

LegacyUser

I don't know if it's something I'm blind too or if it's how I am putting her across but it seems opinion isn't too good of her. I think she is amazing really

Aurellia

nicegoy2012 wrote: »

I'm fairly certain she likes or at least liked me. She was very flirty, initiated a lot of the texting and she told me she did. I'm not sure now that I let her down that she does anymore.

I tried calling her since but she didn't answer or return the call.

I saw this after replying. She was lapping up the attention Nicegoy! She didn't ans your call- ok but not replying is ignoring you.

She didn't know she turned you down years ago?? ?She didn't notice you im sorry:(

You come across sooooo nice and sweet and genuinely besotted with this girl , and you're already a wreck over her! Were you jealous that this guy tripped gawking at her?

She prob will get snapped up but she will only be snapped up by a man she wants, and reading between the lines "she's just not that into you". You deserve better as do i, but when the heart is being squeezed its hard.

LegacyUser

Aurellia wrote: »

I saw this after replying. She was lapping up the attention Nicegoy! She didn't ans your call- ok but not replying is ignoring you.

She didn't know she turned you down years ago?? ?She didn't notice you im sorry:(

You come across sooooo nice and sweet and genuinely besotted with this girl , and you're already a wreck over her! Were you jealous that this guy tripped gawking at her?

She prob will get snapped up but she will only be snapped up by a man she wants, and reading between the lines "she's just not that into you". You deserve better as do i, but when the heart is being squeezed its hard.

I know she is ignoring me but I did stand her up so I figured I deserve it. I also thought that because she is going through this break up that that might be why she didn't contact me. I just don't know if I should give her space or pursue her more. I should probably just forget about her.

I also know she didn't notice me years ago but I was happy that she did now. To be honest I wasn't jealous, I was chuffed because she was smiling at and saying hello me when it happened, I was proud really.

Piliger

nicegoy2012 wrote: »

I also know she didn't notice me years ago but I was happy that she did now. To be honest I wasn't jealous, I was chuffed because she was smiling at and saying hello me when it happened, I was proud really.

OP. No one here has a clue what she's like except you. Make you own mind up and stick with it. Call her. Ask her out. If she says no then ... move on knowing you at least tried and will have no regrets. Regrets are a lot worse than rejection.

fungun

if she knows you have been into her for years id be a bit wary of her.

she is just out of a reln, has a 3 yr old kid......a difficult time for her. It might be tempting for her to think of a 'safe option' of a nice guy like you . Still you never know what may grow, even from that kind of a start so no harm in asking her out. Just be cautious with your heart

jimmycrackcorm

I think she is not ready to move into a new relationship so soon after coming out of another one.

Piliger

OP - don't spend your life second guessing about what is in other people's heads. Just do it and ask her.

LegacyUser

OP i would have serious doubts about the integrity of woman who gives her number to another man and arranges to go on a date with him while still in a relationship. Could you ever really trust her?

By all means ask her out, at least that way you'll know for sure if she likes you or not. Just tread careful if she says yes, it sounds like you're way more into her than she is you and she may not be the most trustworthy woman on the planet, not a good combination...

ShaShaBear

And, I may have read this wrong - but she stood you up first, giving you no excuse or explanation. If she really liked you and wanted to make sure you kept in touch while she solved her personal issues, she would have made the effort to tell you about her problems before she didn't bother to show up.

ljpg

Piliger wrote: »

OP - don't spend your life second guessing about what is in other people's heads. Just do it and ask her.

couldn't have put it better myself! go for it!

Taltos

Hi ljpg - welcome to PI/RI.
If you have not already done so can you please review our charter here as well as the site rules.

One of the things we ask posters here is to use the Thanks button instead of replying as you did, doing so is considered off-topic and can result in moderation action being taken.

Thanks and all the best
Taltos

LegacyUser

I haven't been on for a few days so sorry I haven't replied. Things have changed a bit over the weekend. I am taking her out for a date this week and we're just going to see how things go as things are obviously complicated for her at the moment.

She didn't actually stand me up, I had invited her in and she said she would try as she was with a group but they obviously didn't fancy our place that night